Lenten Reflection on Giving

by Fr. A. R. Arboleda, SSP


A giant tree in an uninhabited jungle, a saying goes, doesn’t make any noise when it falls. The giant tree makes no noise because there is no one who hears it fall.

A man who lives by and for himself alone would be like that giant tree in the jungle. When he dies who would miss him? Who would remember him? What would be his life’s worth?

Jesus spelled real human greatness when he said, “No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (Jn 15:13).

This is one measure of greatness which is truly universal. It is a measure that goes beyond race, color of skin, culture, age, sex, wealth, and what have you. Anyone can lay his life down for his friends. All it takes is that greater love one puts into it, a love which is greater than one’s own self, a love which is capable of giving till “it hurts.”

In any state of life, the crucial point is really one’s ability to die to self, to lay down one’s life so that one’s friends, the person one loves, might have fuller and more meaningful lives.

It is sad that a good number of people end in marriage not really because they look at it as a real vocation wherein it is possible to live up to the measure of love Jesus proposed, but more out of desire to possess the person loved or, worse, because of convenience or because they have no choice any longer.

Marriage is a genuine vocation to which young couples have to give considerable thought and period of preparation. It is ever so easy to say, “I love you,” and “I do,” but it takes more than just human capacities to be able to translate these words into a lifetime commitment.

There are those who choose to forego marriage and commit themselves perhaps to the noble profession they exercise, or even just to the task of helping parents, brothers and sisters and trying to lift them up from a life of privation. At times they go through extreme sacrifices only to feel as if shackled by the seemingly unending and growing demands from them. At times they even feel they are doing a thankless job. These persons are like the seeds in the Gospel which have to die in order to give life to the plant.

And there are those who, feeling they are called to the religious or priestly life, take seriously the thought that their vocation is to singularly live Jesus’ ideal of love: to lay down their lives for their friends. When one tries to live such an ideal, he will find very real obstacles too: obstacles from outside, like times when he comes to discover how precious really are the things he has renounced. It takes some heroism to live such a life.

Jesus’ measure of real greatness isn’t that simple and easy. Strangely though, within the folds of a life of giving there is so much joy.

Lenten Reflection on Meaning

by Fr. A. R. Arboleda, SSP


What differentiates man from animals is the ability to look forward to tomorrow and to look beyond the externals. While man can see beauty in a flower and think of either God or a loved person and even of love itself, a beast will stop short at seeing the flower as something good to eat or not.

What makes man worthy of the same name is his capacity to see beyond the here and now and to perceive meanings.

In his book Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl describes his experiences at the Nazi concentration camp where he was detained during World War II. In detention the prisoners were stripped of everything that made them experience personal worth: name, respect, profession, family, knowledge, wealth, etc. He noted that some of the prisoners gave up surviving when everything that made them feel important was taken away. Others got crazy and behaved even worse than beasts, capable of killing another person for a loaf of stale bread or a rotting potato.

And finally, he noted that those who had something or someone considered more precious than their own lives never lost their will to live even as they were not afraid to either suffer or die. From this experience, Viktor Frankl concluded that man’s life and even just his survival is determined by what meanings he perceives and chooses to live and die for.

We can push the statement further by saying that a person is worth what he chooses to live and die for. Heroes and saints, as well as villains and criminals, are a proof of this statement. Heroes and saints choose to live and die for causes and meanings greater than themselves; villains and criminals choose to live and die for things lower than themselves, like money or power.

How a person discovers what meaning to give his life is a story of both the environment he lives in and the choice he makes. What counts is what values in life he discovers and ultimately makes his own. “Where your treasure is, there also will your heart be” (Mt 6:21).

One of the most trying things about being young is that of being in a stage where one has to choose what values to live and die for. Human society is full of models and examples of persons who have embraced their own values. If there are rock stars and actors and actresses making it to the limelight and to wealth, there are also those who, like Francis of Assisi of long ago, leave behind them a life of ease and comfort to pursue ideals of nobility and service. And what is awful is that today’s young person is left alone to choose.

To discover which model one has to choose, one need not look beyond or outside himself. Instead, one should look into his heart. If he does, he will surely discover passions and drives that are either constructive or destructive: his capacity to love or hate, to give or possess, to build or destroy, to forgive or avenge. When he chooses what is positive and shuns what is negative, he will naturally discover what model or example to embrace. And there he will discover the meaning in his life.

Lenten Reflection on Life

by Fr. A. R. Arboleda, SSP

Life is, indeed, so short. And, oddly enough, it is much shorter for those who find their lives meaningful, while it is too long for those who find their lives meaningless.

Couldn’t it be that life is what meaning we put into it?

Now and then, I also ask what meaning has my life really. Often, I feel like I know, but at other times, my thinking looks like a useless mental exercise. Life is just so vast, so full of mysteries that before I can put meaning to my life, part of it is gone and the meaning I try putting on it is already partly exhausted.

Life, so it seems, is like dry sand slipping through my fingers. When I try to hold on to it very tightly, as if squeezing it, it slips away faster. But when I try to cast it away, it sticks to my hands. Sometimes, I think, to appreciate life best, one has neither to hold on to it tightly not to let it go so carelessly. The sand in the hourglass is life. It is better to let it flow freely, although not carelessly.

How we take life is often dictated by what priorities we have. And life, being so vast, offers everything which can be a priority to us. A student ever so eager to get out of poverty would say, “Life will be meaningless if I don’t finish my studies.” A woman terribly in love would say, “Should I lose him now, life will be meaningless to me.” And an alcoholic, trembling with the urge to drink, would be ready to give anything he has, even his dignity, for a bottle of liquor. Then, there, is this young ambitious businessman who desperately wants to make his first million before reaching forty. He easily forgets he has a wife, children and friends. Only the first million seems to matter.

But now, what are the things that last which could have real meaning in one’s life? St. Paul has spoken so eloquently about them:

“If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.

“Love never fails. If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing; if tongues, they will cease; if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing. For we know partially and we prophesy partially, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away…At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. At present I know partially; than I shall know fully, as I am fully known. So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love” (1 Cor 13:1-3, 8-13).

Lenten Reflections 2010

For Holy Week 2010 I will be posting a series of mini-Lenten reflections on major life themes starting Holy Monday until Easter Sunday. These reflections were written by Fr. A. R. Arboleda, SSP, for the busy person to read and consider prayerfully with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. The themes are as follows:


Holy Monday (March 29) - Life

Holy Tuesday (March 30) - Meaning

Holy Wednesday (March 31) - Giving

Maundy Thursday (April 1) - Loneliness

Good Friday (April 2) - Pain

Black Saturday (April 3) - Death

Easter Sunday (April 4) - Heaven


In connection to this, the Our Lady of Perpetual Help Parish - Cubao invites everyone to attend the 29th Araneta Lenten Retreat on April 1, 2 & 3 7 a.m. to 12 noon at the Araneta Coliseum. Admission is FREE.

The retreat masters are as follows:

April 1, Maundy Thursday - Rev. Fr. Arlo S. Yap, SVD

April 2, Good Friday - Rev. Fr. Anton CT Pascual

April 3, Black Saturday - Bishop Honesto F. Ongtioco, DD


May you all have a blessed, fruitful, and meaningful celebration of Lent.

Weekly News (Fourth Week of March)

1. Pope Offers Life Lessons to Youth

VATICAN CITY, MARCH 26, 2010 (Zenit.org).- Benedict XVI is telling youth how to live a beautiful and joyful life, saying that even sacrifice is attractive if there is a reason for it. [Read More]

2. Vatican Spokesman Refutes Murphy Case Accusations

VATICAN CITY, MARCH 25, 2010 (Zenit.org).- There were no cover-ups, the Vatican is confirming in response to media accusations that tried to implicate Benedict XVI in the case of a priest accused of abusing deaf children. [Read More]

3. Movement Launched to Counteract ‘Culture of Death’

MANILA, March 27, 2010—In an effort to counteract the 'culture of death' that is slowly encroaching the minds and lifestyle of the people, particularly the youth, a movement called Filipino Families for Life was launched at the Manila Cathedral, Intramuros, on March 24. [Read More]

4. Sex Education May Ruin Moral Values – Bishop

MANILA, March 24, 2010— A Catholic bishop said the Church still wants to keep sex education programs out of schools, despite promises by proponents that they would curb abortion and AIDS. [Read More]

5. Gates Neutralizes 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell'

A Pentagon advisor believes the restrictive new discharge policies put in place by Defense Secretary Robert Gates will effectively vacate the 1993 law banning homosexuals from military service. [Read More]

6. Clerical Abuse Reports Being Exploited to Discredit Catholics, Elizabeth Lev Charges

Washington D.C., Mar 24, 2010 / 03:03 am (CNA).- A prominent Catholic writer says “selective” and “salacious” reporting of Catholic clergy in the aftermath of clerical sexual abuse scandals is being used to discredit a “powerful moral voice” in public debate. Acknowledging genuine abuse, she says present day anti-clericalism echoes the slanders of pre-Revolutionary France. [Read More]

7. The Social Costs of Pornography

March 23, 2010 (ThePublicDiscourse) - Last week at the National Press Club in Washington, D.C., the Witherspoon Institute reported a set of scholarly findings and recommendations on the social costs of pornography. [Read More]

8. Grove City College Psychologist Warren Throckmorton Blasted for Backpedaling on Homosexuality

GROVE CITY, PENNSYLVANIA, March 19, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) - A psychologist teaching at the conservative-Evangelical Grove City College has been making waves by endorsing same-sex civil union legislation, and claiming that homosexuals can live "normal, natural and healthy" lives. [Read More]

9. The Passing of the Patriarch of the Pro-Life Movement [Read More]

10. Heartfelt Homecoming

SEATTLE — Easter not only celebrates the resurrection of Jesus Christ, but it’s also a time when non-Catholics join the Church and fallen-away Catholics often return to the practice of their faith. [Read More]


A Blessed Palm Sunday!

Father, I Forgive You

If you have father wounds, you can relate to this video. Take a moment to watch this clip and ask yourself if you are now ready and willing to forgive. Maybe now is the perfect time to let go...

The Safe Sex Illusion

Is there really such a thing as safe sex outside the confines of marriage? In this article, Alan Medinger shares his views about this hot topic that is ever so relevant today because of the rise in HIV/AIDS cases. Despite the alarming statistics showing that the majority of new cases of HIV/AIDS come from the so-called MSM sector (men having sex with men), some of us are still living in denial and pretend that we can go about our life as if this thing can never happen to us. This article is an honest-to-goodness look at the gay lifestyle in general, coming from someone who has been there and done that and lived to tell us the truth. I know that for many of us this isn't something we want to hear, but I hope and pray it's never too late for us to have a change of heart.


by Alan P. Medinger

Understandably, great numbers of gay men have sought a way to cope with the AIDS tragedy that would enable them to live with some semblance of the old life. To do this, they’ve placed their hope in one answer – safe sex. Hopefully, with some precautions, AIDS could be avoided and life could go on almost as usual. Leaders of the gay community, the media, churches, even the Surgeon General are putting forth safe sex as the answer – the only answer to the AIDS epidemic. The gay community desperately wants to believe that safe sex will work, but in their desperation could lie the seeds of further tragedy.

For many reasons, we believe that safe sex won’t work; that at best, it will only slow down the tragic toll of death in the gay community.

The risks inherent in safe sex are not being told for a number of reasons.

First is the good-old American belief that we can work anything out – even have our cake and eat it, too.

Second is that the alternatives to safe sex are just not acceptable to much of our population.

Third is the unwillingness of many leaders in the gay community to be willing to look at the gay lifestyle realistically, particularly if it means losing ground in the hard fought efforts to gain acceptability for the gay lifestyle.

Our belief that safe sex won’t work is not based on the merits or weaknesses of the condom, although they should be considered, but is rather based on the nature of man in general, and of gay men in particular. Please take a few minutes to hear us out – even if this is a message you don’t want to hear. As you consider the following reasons why we suggest that safe sex won’t work, honestly consider your own life and behavior and the lives and behavior of your closest friends. Judge each of the following points on its own merits, not on what you so, desperately want to believe.

1. There is a great tendency for promiscuity among male homosexuals. Gays have seldom wanted to discuss this, but we all know it’s true. The most widely accepted study on this subject (Bell and Weinberg, 1978) showed that forty-three per cent of the male homosexuals in San Francisco estimated that they had had sex with more than five hundred men, twenty-eight per cent with more than one thousand. We may debate the causes of this, but few of us who have been active homosexually doubt the statistics. Sex, at that rate, indicates a tremendous propensity towards sexual addiction. Perhaps it reflects the deep, unmet needs of homosexuals; perhaps, it’s inherent in the nature of male sex – the willingness to get involved sexually without relationship; perhaps it’s totally because of society’s refusal to support stable, gay relationships. The causes don’t matter; what does matter is that a large percentage of the gay population is hooked on a lifestyle of frequent sex, a pattern of behavior that will be terribly difficult to break. Sexual restraint isn’t in the cards for a great many gay men.

2. There is the so often elusive dream of the monogamous relationship. Even before AIDS, most gay men longed for that one guy to whom they could commit their life, that one special man with whom they could settle down in a permanent, faithful relationship. Now, more than ever, that kind of relationship is sought after as a protection against AIDS. But we know what happens most of the time. You settle into this kind of relationship and in three months, or six months, it falls apart and you’re off looking for another “permanent” relationship. But with each new relationship comes a new set of exposures. And within each new relationship, how many times has he (or you) cheated? True, there is a much greater motivation to settle down with one person now, but the difficulties in finding that person haven’t decreased.

3. We have to consider the nature of “passion.” Here we’re not dealing with just gays; we’re dealing with human nature. There seems to be an inverse relationship between the amount of sexual interest, arousal, and excitement, and our ability to use sound judgment. Men have a terrible propensity to do stupid and careless things in the heat of passion. Perhaps, you went out not intending to connect, but you met somebody new and got carried away. Perhaps, you and your partner agreed to abstain from certain kinds of sex, or agreed to use a condom, but in the heat of it all, you threw caution and rational behavior to the wind. The world is filled with people whose parents used condoms faithfully – most of the time.

4. Sex is often accompanied by drinking or drugs. Take the risks just described and multiply them many times over if you’ve been drinking. In that setting, the best intentions become almost worthless.

5. “It won’t happen to me.” Mankind has a streak of irrationality in him that defies understanding. The cigarette smoker, the drinking driver, the gay who takes a chance just this one time, all operate on that fantasy that it won’t happen to them. Often it does.

6. Great numbers of gay men who have tested HIV positive, are still sexually active. Those who have not tested positive or don’t have AIDS can only imagine the emotional state of those who find they are infected. But we do see the responses: despair, hopelessness, denial, fatalism. Some plunge into homosexual activity with a vengeance. Some turn bitter. This is not to condemn those individuals; who knows how we would act, but many who know they are carriers, are very active sexually. And many overwhelmed with their own distress are not protecting their partners.

7. Many refuse to be tested. Often those who are most likely to be infected are the most fearful of being tested. Many of these are still very active, sometimes cynically, sometimes naively, sometimes with an attitude of: “We’re all going to die anyway.” All this says that safe sex is, at best, only going to slow down the toll of death and suffering. Safe sex, if used, is somewhat effective, but a realistic look at man, at gay men in particular, and especially at ourselves, says that there will be just too many times when safe sex won’t be used – and those times over the next several years could cost you your life.

So what is the answer? It’s pretty obvious, although it’s probably not what you want to hear. The answer is abstinence. Please, before you turn away, consider this option. It may be the only one that can save your life.

Take a few more minutes and consider the following:

Sexual abstinence is possible. It’s only a fairly recent idea that we have to have sex. Surely, mankind does not always live up to his lofty moral standards, but abstinence is possible for many people.

There actually are some very positive things to be said for abstinence, especially for those who have found that their sexual needs have controlled their lives. To break the power of addictive sexual behavior can be tremendously liberating – opening a person up to new kinds of relationships, whole new areas of interest. For so many, what was at first thought to be sexual freedom, has become sexual bondage, and abstinence has become the only way to break that bondage.

As with many forms of life-dominating behavior, total abstinence may be easier than constant restraint. Making daily decisions as to how far we can go can be far more difficult than making the one big decision to try to live abstinently.

Sexual abstinence often frees people to discover the needs that were driving them into sex in the first place; the needs for love, affirmation, and intimacy, needs that were short-circuited by the frequent sexual fix. Recognizing those needs, a person can start to seek new ways to meet them – ways that are not life-threatening.

Abstinence is an extremely hard road to follow, but there are people who will help. Great numbers of people in many organizations listed on this website have found that sexual abstinence does work.

This may be the point at your life in which you have to make the hardest decision you’ve ever made. Let someone help you who has already been down that road. Your life is precious. Don’t throw it away. In your desperate desire to have both ways, don’t let the safe sex illusion draw you in. Consider all of your alternatives, and choose life.



Copyright © 1987 Regeneration, Inc. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission.

About the author

Alan Medinger is the founder and director emeritus of Regeneration, a ministry to the sexually broken in Baltimore, MD and Fairfax, VA.

Weekly News (Third Week of March)

1. Holy See Confirms Creation of Medjugorje Commission

Vatican City, Mar 17, 2010 / 09:56 am (CNA/EWTN News).- A statement was released by the Holy See on Wednesday confirming the formation of a commission to investigate the “phenomenon” of Medjugorje. [Read More]

2. ‘Knights’ Gear Up For Nationwide Rally vs Condoms, Pills

MANILA, March 19, 2010—The country’s biggest organization of Catholic men is ready for marches in several Philippine cities on Saturday to protest the government’s aggressive campaign for the use of contraceptives, organizers said. [Read More]

3. Church Forms Alliance to Fight AIDS ‘Rise’

MANILA, March 15, 2010—The Roman Catholic Church is helping the government combat rising HIV infections in the country but denounce role of condoms in its fight. [Read More]

4. New Sex-Ed Bill in England Draws Ire of Catholic Leader

London, England, Mar 18, 2010 / 12:28 am (CNA).- The House of Lords in Britain is currently debating a new bill that will require Catholic schools to provide, among other things, “non-judgmental” information on access to abortion and contraception to students as part of a new sex education initiative. In response, one Catholic politician has called the new legislation “radical” and “a crisis of conscience for parents and teachers alike.” [Read More]

5. Retired General: Gays Made Dutch Weak in Bosnia

WASHINGTON -- A retired U.S. general says Dutch troops failed to defend against the 1995 genocide in the Bosnian war because the army was weakened, partly because it included openly gay soldiers. [Read More]

6. Unintended Consequences of a Lesbian Bishop

A religious watchdog organization says the election of a lesbian as a bishop in the Episcopal Church will cause problems in a number of areas. [Read More]

7. 'Bella' Actor and 7000 Youth Rally for Chastity in Guatemala City

GUATEMALA CITY, March 19, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) - More than 7,000 young people between 12 and 25 participated in a rally in Guatemala City and pledged themselves to chastity this week. The rally was part of the first National Congress of Catholic Youth, an event organised by the Augustinian Recollect Youth (JAR), March 13-14. [Read More]

8. Catholic Doctors, More Bishops Insist: Catholic Teaching Incompatible with ObamaCare

WASHINGTON, DC, March 19, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) - Several more U.S. Catholic bishops, as well as a national association of Catholic medical doctors, have stepped up to rescue the Catholic name from organizations claiming the abortion-laden Senate health care bill is compatible with Church teaching. [Read More]

9. CDC: Gay Men’s HIV Rate 44 Times that of Other Men; Syphilis Rate 46 Times Higher

A data analysis released today by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention underscores the disproportionate impact of HIV and syphilis among gay and bisexual men in the United States. [Read More]

10. Same-Sex ‘Marriage’ and the Persecution of Civil Society

Advocates of same-sex “marriage” present the idea as a step forward for tolerance and respect. But recent developments place that interpretation very much in doubt. [Read More]

11. March Men [Read More]

12. Should Catholic Schools Accept Children of Homosexual "Parents"?

Archbishop Chaput deserves another round of kudos for a stand he has taken regarding a school in his archdiocese. Basically, he backed the school up when it refused to allow two children of lesbian “parents” to renew their enrollment. [Read More]

Pray to Joseph

Sublime thoughts from St. Teresa of Avila on devotion to St. Joseph:

"To gain a favorable hearing with our Lord, I took Saint Joseph as advocate and protector and prayed very specially to him. His help was most strikingly shown. As a tender spiritual father and a loving protector, he quickly cured me of my sickness (while still so young, she was seriously paralyzed) just as he had saved me from greater dangers of other sorts which were menacing my honor and my eternal salvation.

In his eagerness to make me happy, he has always answered my prayers far beyond my expectations. To this very day, I do not remember ever having asked him anything that he did not give me. What a picture I would have before my eyes if I could recall all the signal graces which God gave me, and all the dangers, bodily and spiritual, from which he delivered me through the intercession of this good saint. To the other saints, God gives the grace to help us in certain particular needs, but to Saint Joseph, I know by experience, He gives power to help us in all our needs.

Our Lord wants us to understand that just as He was obedient in this land of exile, recognizing in Joseph the authority of a foster-father and a master, so now He is happy to do his will in Heaven by listening to all his demands. Other persons whom I advised to pray to this incomparable protector have agreed with me; the number of his clients is growing and every day the happy effects of his mediation confirm my words.

Knowing now, by long experience, Joseph's power with God, I would like to persuade everyone to pray to him. I have seen persons with a real solid devotion to him progress steadily in virtue, for he helps in a very striking manner those who pray for help along the path of perfection.

I dare the skeptics to try praying to Saint Joseph, and they will see by experience the advantage of praying to this great Patriarch and honoring him with a special devotion."

(Saint Joseph As Seen by Mystics and Historians, pp. 369-370)


On a personal note, although I have special reverence and admiration for this great saint, I realized I never really had a true devotion to him. Much of my "devotion" is just mere sentimentality and a feel-good attitude towards him with occasional prayers here and there at best. I guess I really need to take St. Teresa's advice seriously, for true devotion is marked not only by our high esteem and veneration, but that we should always have recourse to them at all times and strive really hard to imitate them, and in St. Joseph's case, total obedience and surrender to the will of God and chastity. It sounds like I need a lot of growing up to do.


Today, March 19, is the solemnity of St. Joseph, husband of Mary.

On Pro-Gay Politicians

This is a letter that was made by Courage Philippines head Rolando delos Reyes II on the issue of politicians supporting Ang Ladlad party list this upcoming May elections in particular Joey de Venecia III, Atty. Adel Tamano, Risa Hontiveros-Baraquel, and Liza Maza. A copy of this letter was sent to both gentlemen mentioned above, but so far only Mr. De Venecia III has replied back to us. As one can expect the argument centers around "discrimination" of gay people, but I bet this guy has not heard of the principle of just versus unjust discrimination. So, am I going to vote for these guys? The obvious answer is NO. I hope you won't take that as a discriminatory statement.


Mr. De Venecia,

I am writing as a concerned citizen and as a leader of a support group for persons with same-sex attractions Courage Philippines (www.couragephilippines.blogspot.com).

I am saddened by the fact that you openly support the LGBT group Ang Ladlad. Please note the following objections we have against this group, and know that because of your support to them, we and our allies shall be campaigning against you.

1. LADLAD cannot be classified as a sectoral party under R.A.7941 since they do not represent any of the following sectors enumerated in Section 5 :labor, peasant, fisherfolk, urban poor, indigenous cultural communities, elderly, handicapped, women, youth, veterans, overseas workers, and professionals.

2. LADLAD cannot be classified as a sectoral organization, or a group of citizens or a coalition of groups of citizens who share similar physical attributes or characteristics, employment, interests or concerns. This is because our groups (Courage, Bagong Pag-asa, AfterCall, Ichtus Community, Gentlemen of the Lord - www.presentsanctuary.com and www.bagongpagasa. org) exist. We are support groups and organizations of persons with same-sex attractions (or what popular media calls homosexuals) , but we do not share the same interests and concerns of the group LadLad. This is because we believe that we are not born gay, and that we can change our character and behavior since homosexuality is a product of deep-seated psycho-spiritual developmental concerns which can be addressed properly. Ladlad, on the other hand, believes that homosexuality is inborn and so they are pushing for the legalization of the homosexual lifestyle. Though we may have similar attributes, Ladlad does not represent us.

3. LADLAD may be a political party, since their desire to be represented in Congress is to speed up the passage of the Anti-Discrimination Bill (currently House Bill 956 and Senate Bill 11) pending in Congress, and which our groups have been fighting against in both and national and local arenas (the latest hearing of HB956 happened last December 16, 2008 where three of our groups including myself are represented) . This is clearly part of Ladlad's agenda (http://www.angladla d.org/about. asp), and together with their desire to repeal the Anti-Vagrancy Law, they will attempt to legalize every homosexual behavior in the Philippines, and possibly introduce same-sex marriage in our country. Please note that the bills they are endorsing have a repealing clause that will incapacitate all our criminal laws. Through these laws, homosexuals will have a freehand on any behavior they choose.

4. LADLAD does not represent a group that is marginalized by society. I argue that because homosexuality is something that is vaguely understood by the people, discrimination springs from ignorance and misconceptions (quoting Hon. Etta Rosales on her introductory note for HB634), and not from a malicious intent of judgment. After all, persons with good experiences with homosexuals tend to love homosexuals - notwithstanding the efforts of the gay community to desensitize the public through their independent "gay" films like DayBreak, Dose, Ang Lihim ni Antonio, just to name a few. If truly the gay community is marginalized, gay parades, gay beauty pageants, gay films, gay magazines and other manifestation of "gayness" will not be allowed in Philippine society. But the fact is they are accepted by the public, and the true cases of homosexual discrimination may be caused by poverty or ignorance.

5. LADLAD represents a behavior-based group, not like the other sectors enumerated in Section 5 of RA 7941. They do not rest on substantial distinctions (People v. Cayat) that have relative permanency (such as the elderly or women), but only on superficial difference that changes relatively in time. As such, they may represent a group that may recklessly impose their own behavior standards on the public. They represent a group that promotes and celebrates the homosexual lifestyle - cruising, gay-bars, same-sex relationships and sexual activities. I don't think the law (RA7941) was created for the purpose of including behavior-based groups. If you will allow LadLad to be a candidate for partylist, then we should also allow shoppers, car enthusiasts, pedophiles and mountain hikers to file their candidacies as well.

We shall all be praying for you as you make your decision to continue supporting them or not.

Rest assured that our groups are here to provide compassion and care for persons with same-sex attractions. We owe it to God who reveals to us the exact nature of our wrongs and who we really are in His eyes.

May God bless and keep you always!

Sincerely Yours,


Rolando C. delos Reyes II
President
Courage Philippines


*************************************************************************************


Dear Mr. de los Reyes,

Thank you for your letter expressing your concern for my support for Ang Ladlad. While I respect your opinion, I feel that you and your group may have some misconceptions about the support that I extend them.

While it is true that the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender group have achieved tremendous strides in receiving public acceptance for their chosen lifestyle over the past few decades, we cannot deny that there is still a large segment of our countrymen who would still openly or secretly discriminate against them.

The Armed Forces and the Philippine National Police are just two examples, but there are countless others. There are still many fields where openly gay Filipinos do not find acceptance, including professional and amateur sports, national and local politics, and civic organizations, among others.

From my standpoint, any form of discrimination against the gay community because they may look or act a little differently from what we call "normal" behavior is simply unacceptable. I will not engage your organization in a debate over whether homosexuality is an inborn or developed condition. But I know you will agree with me that no gay person anywhere in the world should be deprived of his or her basic human rights.

In the end, it is the Filipino electorate which will decide whether or not Ang Ladlad is deserving of party-list representation in the House of Representatives. You and I and some 40 million Filipino voters will have the chance to determine this on election day.

I hope this clarifies my stand on Ang Ladlad's bid for party-list representation. We may disagree on this one area, but I am sure there are many more where we share a common stand. I hope we will have an opportunity to work together some day.

With my best regards to you and your organization,

I remain

Very Truly Yours,

joey de venecia III

"Sent via BlackBerry from Smart"

*************************************************************************************

Comment:

In my personal opinion, Mr. De Venecia's support for Ang Ladlad is solely anchored on the "discrimination issue" and is devoid of real knowledge of what the gay agenda really stands for. I hope he is not riding on the issue of "discrimination" as a means to gain sympathy votes from the public at large who unfortunately is largely misinformed and equally ignorant of the matter as well.

In his reply above, he quoted the AFP and PNP among many as "discriminatory" against the gay community. May I suggest that he peruse this article regarding that issue. You see Mr. De Venecia III, entering the military profession is not, I repeat, NOT a constitutional right of every citizen in this country. Certain qualifications and criteria have to be met before you can be even allowed to train in military schools and this of course does not constitute an "unjust discrimination" towards anybody who cannot make it there simply because the military profession demands a certain level of physical, emotional, and psychological fitness for you to be of service. Can you imagine perhaps a wheelchair-bound person engaging in mortal combat with the enemies of the state? In the above example, do you then find it "discriminatory"to forbid physically disabled persons to join the military?

According to the DADT (Don't ask, don't tell) policy, accepting openly gay persons in the military "would create an unacceptable risk to the high standards of morale, good order and discipline, and unit cohesion that are the essence of military capability." Perhaps the ultimate question is - how can admission of gay men and women in the military and police service make it a better and stronger institution than it is now? Do you honestly believe that "homosexual behaviors" are compatible with military service? Don't ask, don't lie.

*************************************************************************************

In response to Mr. De Venecia III's reply above, Brother Rollie sent him this e-mail as a counter rebuttal and a lecture on what would be the possible scenario should Ang Ladlad be allowed representation in Congress:


Dear Mr. De Venecia,

Thank you so much for graciously replying to your email. I could see that you have a genuine concern over the people.

However, I would like to direct you to the two platforms of the Ang Ladlad partylist and enumerate the reasons why we oppose such platforms to be implemented in our nation.

1. Support for the Anti-Discrimination Bill that gives LGBT Filipinos equal opportunities in employment and equal treatment in schools, hospitals, restaurants, hotels, entertainment centers, and government offices.

@ We believe this bill is the wrong answer to the right question, because of the following reasons
* There is no wide-scale discrimination against homosexual persons in the Philippines that would necessitate a nationwide legislation of non-discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity

* Cases of discrimination of homosexuals is not due to the persons themselves but to the behavior that they exhibited (or a collective knowledge of behaviors of homosexual persons) – which in authentic criminal law should be judged as good or bad accordingly

* The terms Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity are political terms that only advances the gay agenda and are not recognized in binding principles by international laws

* The Anti-discrimination bill may be used to incriminate people who does not approve of the homosexual lifestyle and behavior


2. Re-filing of the bill to repeal the Anti-Vagrancy Law that some unscrupulous policemen use to extort bribes from gay men without ID cards;

@ We believe that this will just legitimate homosexual persons performing sexual acts in public like movie houses and parks etc.
This is the main reason why gays are implicated using the anti-vagrancy law. Do we mean to put an exception to homosexual activities done in public places?


Please remember that we, members of Courage and other ex-gay ministries, and the members of Ang Ladlad and pro-gay groups, are situated in the like manner since we both experience same-sex attractions. Our difference lies in the choices that we made and how these choices affect not only lives but also the lives of other people as well. Ang Ladlad does not embody our vision, since they would like to implement a non-binding document called Yogyakarta Principles that seeks to legitimize homosexuality by doing the following legislative measures (among others):

1. Repeal criminal and other legal provisions that prohibit or are, in effect, employed to prohibit consensual sexual activity among people of the same sex who are over the age of consent, and ensure that an equal age of consent applies to both same-sex and different-sex sexual activity;

2. Take all necessary legislative, administrative and other measures to ensure that procedures exist whereby all State-issued identity papers which indicate a person’s gender/sex — including birth certificates, passports, electoral records and other documents — reflect the person’s profound self-defined gender identity;

3. Take all necessary legislative, administrative and other measures to ensure the right of each person, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity, to enjoy the private sphere, intimate decisions, and human relations, including consensual sexual activity among persons who are over the age of consent, without arbitrary interference;

4. Repeal any law that prohibits or criminalises the expression of gender identity, including through dress, speech or mannerisms, or that denies to individuals the opportunity to change their bodies as a means of expressing their gender identity;

5. Release all those held on remand or on the basis of a criminal conviction, if their detention is related to consensual sexual activity among persons who are over the age of consent, or is related to gender identity;

6. Take all necessary legislative, administrative and other measures to ensure the right to found a family, including through access to adoption or assisted procreation (including donor insemination) , without discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity;

Do you support these possible legislative measures, Mr. De Venecia? Do you not see the extent of influence that Ang Ladlad seeks by running for Congress to implement these measures in our country? Please do reflect carefully on each of these measures and share us your thoughts. Would you still be supporting Ang Ladlad with these in mind? We would be awaiting your reply. Thank you.

Rolando C. delos Reyes II
President
Courage Philippines

Weekly News (Second Week of March)

1. Pope: Confession a Central Pastoral Concern

VATICAN CITY, MARCH 11, 2010 (Zenit.org).- The sacrament of confession should not only be at the center of pastoral concerns, but it should also be a method to carry out a "dialogue of salvation" with the faithful, says Benedict XVI. [Read More]

2. The Reasons for G.K. Chesterton's Conversion

ROME, MARCH 11, 2010 (Zenit.org).- For Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936) Catholicism was always a new force, able to compete with other religions and with the ideologies produced by the modernity of his times. [Read More]

3. Parents Protest Promotion of Condoms

MANILA, March 12, 2010— Filipino parents took out a rally in Sta. Cruz district to protest against the state government’s promotion of condom and other contraceptives across the country. [Read More]

4. Church Won’t Compromise Stand on Contraceptives

MANILA, March 11, 2010 –“The stand of the Church on contraceptives can’t be compromised.” [Read More]

5. The Truth About Warren Throckmorton [Read More]

6. Grow Up! [Read More]

7. Anglican Bishop Taken to Task for Support for Homosexual Relationships

LIVERPOOL, March 12, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) – A group of orthodox Christian Anglicans has called a bishop of the Church of England to task for his support of same-sex relationships. [Read More]

8. School Prom Canceled after ACLU Insists on Cross Dressing and Gay Dates

OXFORD, MS, March 11, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) – A small town Mississippi High School has decided to cancel its school prom after the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) demanded the school permit a female student to wear a tux to the prom and attend with her lesbian partner. [Read More]

9. Murder and Motherhood

This is not a pleasant column. I’m going to talk about something truly upsetting, and I doubt I’ll come to a satisfactory solution to what I believe is a great disgrace in our culture. [Read More]

10. Homosexuality is 'Totally Destructive of Christian Teaching' Says Traditional Anglican Primate

HALIFAX, Nova Scotia, March 10, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) – The head of the Traditional Anglican Communion (TAC), Archbishop John Hepworth, told LifeSiteNews (LSN) that it is “ludicrous” to suggest that God is present with same-sex couples in the same way as he is with husband and wife, and urged clear teaching on the true nature of human sexuality. [Read More]

11. Argentina Judge Revokes Same-Sex 'Marriage' Decision

Buenos Aires, Argentina, Mar 10, 2010 / 12:56 pm (CNA).- A federal judge in Buenos Aires has nullified the “marriage” of two gay men that took place last week in the Argentinian capital, saying “no elements existed” for the union to constitute a marriage. [Read More]

12. Cabral Accepts Bishops' Condom Debate Challenge

Health Secretary Esperanza Cabral on Monday accepted a challenge by two Catholic bishops to a debate on the effectiveness of condoms against preventing the spread of disease and the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV). [Read More]



Quote:

"The fear of losing God is the greatest fear of those who love, not for those who despise." - St. Augustine

Pro-Life Seminar on Porn and Media

PRO-LIFE PHILIPPINES FOUNDATION, INC. invites the members of your parish/school to attend a seminar/forum themed “Pornography and Media.”

As part of the series of Pro-Life forums for the year 2010, this edition aims to inform students, their teachers and parents about the growing horrors brought about by pornography and how it has become a thriving industry for a short span of time. This forum further updates them on the evils rooted from the proliferation of pornography around the world.

Philippine Daily Inquirer’s editorial cartoonist and a strong advocate against violence in media, Mr. Jess Abrera will be sharing his knowledge and views regarding the topic as the forum’s facilitator. An open discussion will ensue for all the participants to give their opinions and ask queries vis-à-vis pornography.

The forum is scheduled on March 20, 2010, Saturday, from 8:00 am to 12:00 noon at the conference hall of Bahay Ugnayan, Good Shepherd Convent, 1043 Aurora Blvd., Quezon City. Registration fee of Php200.00 includes the participant’s kit, merienda, and certificate. Registration starts at 8:00 AM.

For reservations or more information, please call Ellen at 733-7027. You may also send us a telefax at 734-9425; a text through mobile # 0919-2337783; or an email at life@prolife.org.ph.

Take Up Your Cross

This Lent let us examine each of these pictures and reflect. Am I like this guy who is only after his own comfort or do I strive to embrace my cross with patience and love? You alone can answer that.































Reflections:

Lord, sometimes I am like that guy above. I complain about extra responsibilities. I find ways to escape from my problems. I try to hide from you. Please wake me up from my illusion that my life on this earth should be a smooth and carefree one. When my cross gets too heavy, I know I can sit down and rest for awhile, but never allow me to compromise. It's hard to follow the right path. My weak and fallen human nature constantly tells me to just give in to worldly things and I often find myself doing just like that.

Lord, rather than despising our cross, please give us the courage and strength to bear it for the love of You. Help us to see that the cross can be an instrument for our personal growth and maturity. Through it may we come to know ourselves in a deeper way and may we come to appreciate little by little that the cross is meant for our sanctification and salvation.

Every now and then we may complain that our cross is getting heavier and heavier each day. May we look up to You as our model on how to carry one's cross with great love - that no matter how many times we fall, just like when You fell three times, all we have to do is pick ourselves up and press on. May we also realize that we are not alone along the way of the cross. Just as Veronica and Simon of Cyrene helped you through, we also have fellow journeyers who are willing to help us. Teach us to be sensitive to their sufferings as well and not be too preoccupied with our own concerns. All this I pray through your mighty name. Amen.



"And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it." (Luke 9:23, 24)

Weekly News (First Week of March)

1. Father Cantalamessa: Why Christianity Is Like No Other

Explains What Makes Grace Hard to Accept

VATICAN CITY, MARCH 5, 2010 (Zenit.org).- Human religions or philosophies tell a person what he must do to be saved. Christianity is different because it tells a person what God has already done to save him. [Read More]

2. Church Wants Condom Ads Banned

MANILA, March 3, 2010— The Catholic hierarchy refused to soften its stand on artificial contraception and called for a complete ban on condom ads. [Read More]

3. Acosta Dares Cabral on Public Debate Re Condoms

MANILA, March 5, 2010—The Executive Director of the Human Life International-Pro Life Missionary has challenged the secretary of the Department of Health (DoH) to a public debate on the issue of condom use. [Read More]

4. D.C. Same-Sex ‘Marriage’ Law Forces Catholic Charities to End New Spousal Benefits

Washington D.C., Mar 3, 2010 / 12:44 am (CNA).- Rather than cancel its partnerships with the District of Columbia, Catholic Charities of Washington, D.C. has announced that it will end health coverage for new employees’ spouses in order to comply with the requirements of a new same-sex “marriage” law. [Read More]

5. Call Center Party-List Sets up HIV Hotline

MANILA, Philippines—The party-list group representing the BPO (business processing outsourcing) and call center industry has launched an HIV hotline following the disclosure by a former call center agent that he became HIV-positive in 2009. [Read More]

6. Don't Ask, Don't Bleed [Read More]

7. Ex-’Gay’ Testimony: ‘Bisexual’ Man Overcomes Homosexual Desires with God’s Help

The following is an anonymous testimony of ‘Tim,’ who became involved in homosexual (bisexual) behavior but then left it behind through a renewed and strengthened commitment to his Maker. [Read More]

8. 'Catholic' King of Spain Signs Abortion Bill into Law

SPAIN, March 5, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) - The King of Spain, Juan Carlos I, has signed a bill into law legalizing abortion on demand for the first fourteen weeks of pregnancy. [Read More]

9. Study: Cohabitation Linked to Exponential Increase in Relationship Failure Risk

ANN ARBOR, Michigan, March 4, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) - Another new study has added to the compelling evidence that cohabitation before marriage significantly increases relationship instability. [Read More]

10. Law Banning Promotion of Homosexuality Takes Effect in Lithuania

VILNIUS, Lithuania, March 2, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) – A new law banning the media and schools from promoting harmful sexual behaviors, as well as violence and suicide, to the youth took effect in Lithuania on Monday. The law also restricts the ability of homosexuals to promote same-sex unions and organize “gay pride” marches in the Baltic nation. [Read More]



Quote:

"All our religion is but a false religion, and all our virtues are mere illusions and we ourselves are only hypocrites in the sight of God, if we have not that universal charity for everyone - for the good, and for the bad, for the poor and for the rich, and for all those who do us harm as much as those who do us good." - St. John Marie Vianney

The Song of Joseph

The Song of Joseph is a view, up close and personal, joyful and celebratory, of St. Joseph's life, love, and death by way of a musical, probably the first and only one woven around this low-profile saint. The two hour musical-theater piece, mounted with a cast of 17 characters and a staff of 10 is produced as part of the preparation towards the run-up to the centennial celebration of the Oblates of St. Joseph's presence in the Philippines in 2015.

At least 33 all-original songs are featured in the musical, taking on the personality of a Broadway play. The cast is led by classically trained singer Jon Joven (of Miss Saigon fame) as Joseph, Tricia Amper Jimenez and Arlynne Lupas Tecson as Mary, and Miguel Aguila as Jesus.

The musical will have a limited return run in Manila on March 7, 3 p.m. at the Main Theater of the Cultural Center of the Philippines. On March 20 and 21, the play moves to De La Salle College in Lipa City, followed by a tour of the Visayas.

(Credits: Panorama Magazine)

De-Sexualizing the Deeper Need

This is one of my favorite Alan Medinger articles. It reminds me that my deepest needs can not be met by acting out sexually because my most basic needs, i.e., affirmation, acceptance, and affection are not sexual in nature at all.


"Homosexuality is more than sex, and there were other parts of me that needed to be healed and changed."


by Alan P. Medinger

Twenty years ago, God set me free from homosexuality. The nature of my healing – an instant release from sexual fantasies and compulsion – was certainly a miracle. Usually, I don’t share this with people who come to us for the first time for the simple reason that this is the type of healing that everyone would like to receive, but few do. To encourage people to look for this kind of miracle, when in fact, for them the road out of homosexuality may be long and difficult, would be to set them up for discouragement.

At the time of my healing, I assumed that I had been “totally healed” of my homosexuality. After all, I no longer wanted to have sex with men, I desired my wife physically, and I simply did not struggle with lustful thoughts. Over the years, however, I have seen that I needed much more healing and change than I had experienced in that one evening in 1974. Homosexuality is more than sex, and there were other very significant parts of me that needed to be healed and changed.

Unmet needs and sex

Over the years, I have asked myself and the Lord, “What exactly did God do when he set me free from a lifetime of homosexuality?” This is an important question because most often a miracle is an instantaneous occurrence of something that could have happened more naturally over a much longer period of time. For example, the body does occasionally, through something called “a spontaneous remission,” rid itself of cancer – over time. People prayed for my mother-in-law after bone cancer had spread over more than half of her body. In a matter of weeks all vestiges of the cancer were gone, never to return. My wife and I and a friend prayed for my father’s debilitating depression, a state he had been in for almost 40 years, and he was instantly healed. Over time, this might have happened anyway, but through prayer and deliverance, God worked this healing in a moment.

What I believe God did in me in an instant in 1974 was to break the link between my deep unmet needs and sex. The needs did not go away, as I was to discover in coming years, but they were no longer sexualized. What God did in me very suddenly can, and I believe will, be a part of the gradual healing of most men and women who struggle with homosexuality (and with other sexual disorders).

After the healing I still had a powerful longing for some man to take care of me. I still felt like a little boy looking for a father. My sense of my own manhood was so undeveloped that I longed for some strong, together type of man with whom I could connect, and from whom I could draw strength. But, it wasn’t sexual; the thought of sex with a man had become sometimes disgusting, sometimes stupid.

I believe that breaking the sexual link to our needs is an essential part of the healing of most men and women overcoming homosexuality.

As the years have passed those extraordinary needs have gone away to the extent that I don’t believe my needs for male relationships could be any more normal than they are today. In fact, today I see this long, slower moving change as being as extraordinary as the sudden miracle of 1974.

However, in 1974, my needs were still there, and they were extraordinary, but they were no longer sexualized. What happened in my life in an instant can, I believe, happen to you over time. Furthermore, I believe that breaking the sexual link to our needs is an essential part of the healing of most men and women overcoming homosexuality.

Let’s look at this link and at how it may be broken.

Sex as intensifier

First of all, why do we sexualize our needs – or the solution to them? I believe we do this because sex is one of the most intense experiences most people have, and whatever sex touches becomes more alive. Just as salt enhances the flavor of food, sex intensifies the power of any experience. Feeling lonely and tired? Whatever release you find will seem much more immediately satisfying if it has a sexual element.

Sex empowers feelings. It is interesting that we use the word “ecstasy” to describe both sexual and religious experiences.

We use sex because our needs are fundamentally relational, and sex is a relational experience. Some people use food or drugs as a means of dulling the pains that arise out of unmet needs, but the numbing quality they offer is much less satisfying than the vicarious relationships that sex or sexual fantasy offer to those whose needs are primarily relational.

Sex has a power because of its symbolic qualities revolving around touch, control and nurturing. There is a tremendous symbolic power in coming together with another person, when they enter my body, or I theirs. Being enfolded in the arms of another offers feelings of security, nurturing, desirability. Sex can give me a sense of worth, even if I am only being used by another person.

For a man or woman who deals with homosexuality, some of the most intense needs can be met temporarily through sex.

Lonely? Sex makes contact with another person. Bored? Sex is exciting. Feeling worthless? In a sexual encounter (real or imagined) someone wants me. Lacking a sense of gender identity? I can make contact with the masculinity or femininity that I crave. Someone wants me as a man or woman.

The links are powerful and over time, through years of sexual contacts or masturbatory fantasies, they become stronger and stronger. Our needs and a sexual expression of their fulfillment become bonded as by a super-glue or a solder.

How to break the bond

If this is so, how do we break the bond, the link? It is difficult but it can happen – for any of us. First, we need to acknowledge the link. Many people already do. Many first timers come into my office – even some of the most promiscuous – and they will say, “You know, it wasn’t the sex I was after; it was someone to love me.”

Second, we need to pray about it daily. This daily prayer will not only keep alive in us the reality of the link, but where we cannot break the link in our own power, it may release God to provide the solvent that will start to dissolve it.

Third, we need to prayerfully and intentionally determine what the real needs are and then seek to find legitimate ways of meeting them. They are going to be somewhat different for each of us. We should not focus on a need because it is stereotypically present in a homosexual person.

We use sex because our needs are fundamentally relational, and sex is a relational experience.

To identify a need and then to try to find legitimate ways to meet it, is a major life undertaking. If, for example, you are lonely, it is usually not because of circumstances of your surroundings or environment; it probably is because of things in your nature or in your whole pattern of relating to people. To say, “Go out and make some friends,” is worse than cheap advice; it trivializes your problems and needs. Learning how to relate to people in life-giving, non-sexual ways can be a major effort in your life. Nevertheless, it may be an important key to your healing.

Likewise, if your problem is a deep sense of worthlessness, I can tell you that you are of inestimable value because Jesus died for you until I am blue in the face, but until you encounter that reality in your own walk with the Lord, my words are almost no use. To find our worth in who we are in the Lord, rather than in our sexual desirability, may only come about through some years of quiet special times with the One who gives us value, but it may be essential for our healing.

When needs are extreme, often it is only the Lord who can meet them initially. He may, therefore, be your first means of healing. Then as the intensity of the needs diminishes, He will place you where other Christian men and women can start to meet them.

A sense of purpose

A way that may speed the process of breaking the link between our needs and sex, is to seek to find a purpose in life. So many of the needs that drive us sexually – loneliness, boredom, a sense of worthlessness – can be met as we discover a sense of purpose in our lives. A sense of purpose implies living for others or for some higher cause; it means living focused outside of ourselves. Many of the people in our ministry advance their healing greatly while they are serving as group leaders or teachers. Discovering a purpose for our life and facing the inevitable challenges that arise out of trying to fulfill that purpose will increase our awareness of our true dependency on Jesus. A dependency on sex will offer nothing.

As we break the link, time enhances the process. Old patterns of responding are broken. Immediate sexual responses to stimuli become less frequent. Our way of using sex to meet non-sexual needs definitely had addictive qualities. Abstinence breaks addictions. Sometimes our addictions were physiological. After my initial healing, one thing I was conscious of missing was the excitement of cruising, of being on the prowl, the thrill of taking risks in what I was doing. To a certain extent, I was hooked on my own adrenaline. I don’t think anything but the passage of time was needed to take care of this.

At some point in your healing you may be able to think about homosexual sex apart from the real need that was driving you, and you will see that it is not what you really wanted. As with me, it may seem stupid or disgusting.

Don’t worry if an awareness of a need brings to mind a potential sexual “solution.” You are not going to forget that this once brought temporary relief, but as time goes on, you will come to know at the deepest levels of your being, that the sexualization of your needs was a dead-end street.

God wants to heal you. Most of the time He won’t be doing it with the sudden, dramatic miracle; it is going to take a while. But, the process will be speeded up as you are able to unlink your needs and sex. As this happens, He will start meeting those needs, and He will start showing you how other relationships can meet them. Sex never will meet them.


About the author

Alan Medinger is the founder and director emeritus of Regeneration, a ministry to the sexually broken in Baltimore, MD and Fairfax, VA.