Shame and Sexual Addiction

Notes from our teaching last month c/o Bro. C. This teaching was taken from Falling Forward: The Pursuit of Sexual Purity by Craig Lockwood.


Signs of Brokenness

1. Do you fear something about yourself that will be revealed to others?
2. Do you remember situations in life where you suddenly feel a sudden rush of strong emotions (anger, sadness)?
3. Do you hold on to something or someone in your past?

* Addicts do not want to feel pain by involving self with sex, etc.

Origin of Sexual & Relational Brokenness

1. Parents resort to abuse when they feel overwhelmed by the child's behavior.
2. Sexual abuse relies on boundaries.
3. Physical abuse relies on pain.
4. Verbal abuse relies on SHAME.

SHAME: What is it?

1. Tendency for us to hide ourselves.
2. Common among many cultures.
3. Least exposure but most impacting on life.
4. Designed to curtail negative behavior.

Shame Categories

1. Put-down.
2. Moralizing.
3. Age-based expectations.
4. Gender-based expectations.
5. Competency-based expectations.
6. Comparison.

Effects of Shame

1. Punctures one's self-esteem.
2. May prevent person from life-giving relationships and keep self from interacting with others because there is a part of him that he is ashamed of.
3. Prevents us from fully experiencing ourselves in social gatherings
4. Inhibits all emotions except anger.

There is no emotional expression for shame.

Four Stages of Addiction

1. Preoccupation
- thoughts become focused on his behavior of choice.
- sexualized mental obsessions

2. Ritualization
- Rituals are regularly followed methods of preparing for sexual activity to take place, the beginning of sin.

3. Sexual Compulsivity
- inability to control particular sexual activity.
- the starkest reminder of degradation in addiction, terrible slavery, will paralyzed, no turning back.

4. Resolution
- despair upon falling again, thinking of getting help or hides secret life.

* The addictive cycle produces its own pain which will continue to multiply until external intervention takes place. The more you delay going back to God and seeking help, the more you will fall.

* Going through the addictive cycle produces NEW SHAME.

* We must realize we cannot control our addiction, we need God and Church.