Bob's story is a familiar story about a God-fearing man who strives sincerely to be a good Christian but finds himself battling with homosexuality. He keeps the struggle to himself but comes to a point where he realizes he needs help.
Brothers/Fathers of Courage,
Peace to all of you.
I am 'Bob' (not his real name) of Sorsogon City here in Bicol. I am writing you an e-mail because I am also one of those men who is also bearing the cross of same-sex attraction on me. I am 23 years old and have been struggling for years to overcome the urgencies, weakness, guilt and sin of being a homosexual.
Being like this had been an emotional ride. For, admittedly, I found please in giving in to my weakness and temptations. And after some time, I would hate myself for having done these self-abusing acts. To add to my self-inflicted misery but a light of hope to my life, I am also part of a community. I am quite sure you are familiar with YFC (Youth for Christ) and now SFC (Singles for Christ). Even when I am an active member and even a leader of this group, I still lurk on homosexual practices. I thought doing Christ's works and serving others would "pay-off" these deeds. I have been leaving a "double life". And I have been wrong.
Despite of all of this, Christ manifested His power in me. That in my weakness, there is strength. Through these communities that I have joined, I have known my God better. I have learned to worship Him in times of my trials. Last year, through SFC Knights, (a recollection which defines manhood not of worldly meanings but of God's) and after deep thought and Christ's affirmations in my prayers, I have let go of my same-sex partner for over 4 years. It was painful of course, but it was more of a door towards freedom opened for me by God. I opt to be loved by the One who truly loves me.
Now, I want to remain in His love.
However, the battle is still continuing. I may have let my partner go yet I am still into pornography. I still feel attractions to the same sex; however, I don't want to engage in anything. That's probably why I felt porn as the closest thing to the 'deed'. Yes, I know this is wrong and this will not in anyway heal me. I am seeking a support group for I know I could not win this battle alone. I will need prayers, guidance and maybe counseling.
I was happy to learn that Courage org has also its satellite here in the Philippines. I would like to be a part of this group, if you may. I would like to know how for I have been seeking a group that specifically attends to the needs of brothers like me. The only concern is that, I am currently here in Bicol.
Please guide me through any process and pray for me as well. Thank you and God bless.
Bob has found courage in himself to admit that he has a problem and that he needs help. It also takes a lot of courage to let go of a relationship which he has done as well. This is the first step and a very important one. Bob has already contacted us and we are praying that through God's help a Courage chapter in Bicol will be established through the permission of their local bishop.