Meditations on Chastity

In our hypersexualized culture, the word 'chastity' has become a very dirty word, an 'old-fashioned' virtue that should be thrown out the window because we are already living in a 'modern' age where hooking up and engaging in premarital sex is, well, just a 'casual' thing to do. As difficult as it is to remain pure nowadays, we can draw valuable insights and inspirations from the wisdom of the Church Fathers, Popes, Theologians, and Saints why this virtue still 'matters' if we really truly desire to grow in perfect love and holiness.


"He said to me, 'They are accomplished. I (am) the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give a gift from the spring of life-giving water. The victor will inherit these gifts, and I shall be his God, and he will be my son. But as for cowards, the unfaithful, the depraved, murderers, the unchaste, sorcerers, idol-worshipers, and deceivers of every sort, their lot is in the burning pool of fire and sulfur, which is the second death.'" (Rv. 21:6-8)

"[C]hastity is sacred to our Lord" (Sequence)

"And did not the law call chastity the great vow?" (St. Basil the Great, Doctor of the Church)

"Love the purity of a chaste life, because Christ is the Son of a virgin." (Pope St. Leo the Great, Doctor of the Church)

"Make it your object, therefore, to keep your tongue chaste as well as your eyes." (St. Jerome, Doctor of the Church)

"In the banquet-hall chastity is hard to keep." (St. Jerome, Doctor of the Church)

"Vigilance and prayer are the safeguards of chastity." (St. Jean Baptiste de la Salle)

"We Christians regard a stain upon our chastity as more dreadful than any punishment, or even than death itself." [Tertullian ("an excellent early Christian writer" - although he would ultimately fall into heresy), 2nd century A.D.]

"Let the manner of your life be adorned by chastity, sobriety, and moderation" (St. Augustine, Doctor of the Church)

"It is easy to achieve chastity, if we will, if we withdraw ourselves from those things that are injurious" (St. John Chrysostom, Doctor of the Church)

"[N]o virtues are worthier or more excellent than merciful loving-kindness and unblemished chastity" (Pope St. Leo the Great, Doctor of the Church)

"The sorrow of regretful affection is a good guardian of chastity, guilt cannot find an entrance if vigilance be not wanting." (St. Ambrose, Doctor of the Church)

"Only a person who knows how to be chaste will know how to love in marriage or in virginity." (Pontifical Council for the Family)

"Don't say that you have a chaste mind if you have unchaste eyes, because an unchaste eye is the messenger of an unchaste heart." (St. Augustine, Doctor of the Church)

"Chastity is self-restraint, and the mastering pleasures which fight, just as in war the trophies are most honorable when the contest is violent, not when no one raises a hand against us." (St. John Chrysostom, Doctor of the Church)

"Why should I continue the praise of chastity in more words? For chastity has made even angels. He who has preserved it is an angel; he who has lost it a devil." (St. Ambrose, Doctor of the Church)

"To the degree that a person weakens chastity, his or her love becomes more and more selfish, that is, satisfying a desire for pleasure and no longer self-giving." (Pontifical Council for the Family)

"It is the saying of a very learned man, that chastity must be preserved at all costs, and that when it is lost all virtue falls to the ground. This holds the primacy of all virtues in woman." (St. Jerome, Doctor of the Church)

"But so long as the will retains under its authority the other members, without which the members excited by lust to resist the will cannot accomplish what they seek, chastity is preserved, and the delight of sin foregone." (St. Augustine, Doctor of the Church)

"As to those who are married, it is quite true (although the mass of men cannot perceive it) that they stand greatly in need of chastity, for in them it lies not in total abstinence from carnal pleasures, but in self-control amidst the pleasures." (St. Francis de Sales, Doctor of the Church)

"[P]arents should also consider any attack on the virtue and chastity of their children as an offence against the life of faith itself that threatens and impoverishes their own communion of life and grace (cf. Eph. 6: 12)." (Pontifical Council for the Family)

"[I]t is that the virtue of chastity most of all makes man apt for contemplation, since venereal pleasures most of all weigh the mind down to sensible objects, as Augustine says (Soliloquia i, 10)." (St. Thomas Aquinas, Doctor of the Church and "greatest theologian in the history of the Church")

"If the fashion of thy soul is avarice, put on another fashion and come in. Put off thy former fashion, cloke it not up. Put off, I pray thee, fornication and uncleanness, and put on the brightest robe of chastity. This charge I give thee, before Jesus the Bridegroom of souls come in and see their fashions" (St. Cyril of Jerusalem, Doctor of the Church)

"For wickedness is so manifest, that all men are its accusers, even those who follow after it, while such is the quality of virtue, that it is admired even by those who do not emulate it. For even the fornicator will praise chastity, and the covetous will condemn injustice, and the passionate will admire patience" (St. John Chrysostom, Doctor of the Church)

"Now as moderation, so chastity, is an ordinary effect of love. If a man love his own wife as he ought to love, even though he be never so much inclined to wantonness, he will not endure to look upon another woman, on account of his affection for her. 'For love,' (Cant. viii. 5.) saith one, 'is strong as death.' So that from no other source doth wanton behavior arise than from want of love." (St. John Chrysostom, Doctor of the Church)

"For some who find themselves in situations where chastity is offended against and not valued, living in a chaste way can demand a hard or even a heroic struggle. Nonetheless, with the grace of Christ, flowing from his spousal love for the Church, everyone can live chastely even if they find themselves in unfavorable circumstances." (Pontifical Council for the Family)

"Nor is it enough to fly from sin; every Christian ought to shine with the splendor of virtue so as to be pleasing to so great and so beneficent a guest; and first of all with chastity and holiness, for chaste and holy things befit the temple. Hence the words of the Apostle: 'Know you not that you are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? But if any man violate the temple of God, him shall God destroy. For the temple of God is holy, which you are' (1 Cor. iii., 16-17): a terrible, indeed, but a just warning." (Pope Leo XIII, "Divinum Illud Munus", 1897)

"For fine linen (byssus) springs from the earth with glittering show: and what is designated by fine linen but bodily chastity shining white in the comeliness of purity? And it is also twisted for being interwoven into the beauty of the ephod, since the habit of chastity, then attains to the perfect whiteness of purity when the flesh is worn by abstinence. And, since the merit of affliction of the flesh profits among the other virtues, fine twined linen shews white, as it were, in the diverse beauty of the ephod." (Pope St. Gregory the Great, Doctor of the Church)

"[I]t should be noted, as indeed the Fathers and Doctors of the Church teach, that we can more easily struggle against and repress the wiles of evil and the enticements of the passions if we do not struggle directly against them, but rather flee from them as best we may. For the preserving of chastity, according to the teaching of Jerome, flight is more effective than open warfare: 'Therefore I flee, lest I be overcome.' Flight must be understood in this sense, that not only do we diligently avoid occasion of sin, but especially that in struggles of this kind we lift our minds and hearts to God" (Pope Pius XII, "Sacra Virginitas", 1954)

"It is better then to suffer in stomach than in soul, to rule the body than to serve it, to lose one's balance than to lose one's chastity. Let us not lull ourselves with the delusion that we can always fall back on penitence. For this is at best but a remedy for misery. Let us shrink from incurring a wound which must be painful to cure. For it is one thing to enter the haven of salvation with ship safe and merchandise uninjured, and another to cling naked to a plank and, as the waves toss you this way and that, to be dashed again and again on the sharp rocks." (St. Jerome, Doctor of the Church)

"Especially let us train them in chastity, for there is the very bane of youth. For this many struggles, much attention will be necessary. Let us take wives for them early, so that their brides may receive their bodies pure and unpolluted, so their loves will be more ardent. He that is chaste before marriage, much more will he be chaste after it; and he that practiced fornication before, will practice it after marriage. 'All bread,' it is said, 'is sweet to the fornicator.' (Ecclus. xxiii. 17.) Garlands are wont to be worn on the heads of bridegrooms, as a symbol of victory, betokening that they approach the marriage bed unconquered by pleasure. But if captivated by pleasure he has given himself up to harlots, why does he wear the garland, since he has been subdued?" (St. John Chrysostom, Doctor of the Church)

"If we run on, if we look to none of those things that are set before our eyes, if we consider nothing but how we may escape from those who would hinder us, we shall be able to retain with all security what we have seized. Hast thou seized on chastity? Tarry not; flee beyond the reach of the devil. If he sees that he cannot overtake thee, he will cease to pursue; as we, when we can no longer see those who have robbed us, despair of the pursuit, and do not pursue, nor call on others to stop thief, but suffer them to escape. So do thou run vigorously at the beginning, and when thou art beyond the reach of the devil, he will not afterwards attack thee, but thou wilt be in safety, securely enjoying those unspeakable blessings, which God grant that we may all obtain through Jesus Christ our Lord. To whom with the Father, and the Holy Ghost, be glory, power, honor, and worship, now and for ever, and world without end. Amen." (St. John Chrysostom, Doctor of the Church)

"Concerning chastity, He uttered such sentiments as these: 'Whosoever looketh upon a woman to lust after her, hath committed adultery with her already in his heart before God.' And, 'If thy right eye offend thee, cut it out; for it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of heaven with one eye, than, having two eyes, to be cast into everlasting fire.' And, 'Whosoever shall marry her that is divorced from another husband, committeth adultery.' And, 'There are some who have been made eunuchs of men, and some who were born eunuchs, and some who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake; but all cannot receive this saying.' So that all who, by human law, are twice married, are in the eye of our Master sinners, and those who look upon a woman to lust after her. For not only he who in act commits adultery is rejected by Him, but also he who desires to commit adultery: since not only our works, but also our thoughts, are open before God." (St. Justin Martyr)

"But let us all by God's grace run the race of chastity, young men and maidens, old men and children; not going after wantonness, but praising the name of Christ. Let us not be ignorant of the glory of chastity: for its crown is angelic, and its excellence above man. Let us be chary of our bodies which are to shine as the sun: let us not for short pleasure defile so great, so noble a body: for short and momentary is the sin, but the shame for many years and for ever. Angels walking upon earth are they who practice chastity: the Virgins have their portion with Mary the Virgin. Let all vain ornament be banished, and every hurtful glance, and all wanton gait, and every flowing robe, and perfume enticing to pleasure. But in all for perfume let there be the prayer of sweet odour, and the practice of good works, and the sanctification of our bodies: that the Virgin-born Lord may say even of us, both men who live in chastity and women who wear the crown, I will dwell in them; and walk in them, and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. To whom be the glory for ever and ever. Amen." (St. Cyril of Jerusalem, Doctor of the Church)

"It is also necessary to put before young people the consequences, which are always very serious, of separating sexuality from procreation when someone reaches the stage of practicing sterilization and abortion or pursuing sexual activity dissociated from married love, before and outside of marriage. Much of the moral order and marital harmony of the family, hence also the true good of society, depends on this timely education, which finds its place in God's plan, in the very structure of sexuality and the intimate nature of marriage. Parents who carry out their own right and duty to form their children for chastity can be certain that they are helping them in turn to build stable and united families, thus anticipating, insofar as this is possible, the joys of paradise: 'How can I ever express the happiness of the marriage that is joined together by the Church, strengthened by an offering, sealed by a blessing, announced by angels and ratified by the Father... They are both brethren and both fellow servants; there is no separation between them in spirit or flesh... Christ rejoices in them and he sends them his peace; where the couple is, there he is also to be found, and where he is, evil can no longer abide.'" (Pontifical Council for the Family)

"The word chastity is employed in two ways. First, properly; and thus it is a special virtue having a special matter, namely the concupiscences relating to venereal pleasures. Secondly, the word chastity is employed metaphorically: for just as a mingling of bodies conduces to venereal pleasure which is the proper matter of chastity and of lust its contrary vice, so too the spiritual union of the mind with certain things conduces to a pleasure which is the matter of a spiritual chastity metaphorically speaking, as well as of a spiritual fornication likewise metaphorically so called. For if the human mind delight in the spiritual union with that to which it behooves it to be united, namely God, and refrains from delighting in union with other things against the requirements of the order established by God, this may be called a spiritual chastity, according to 2 Corinthians 11:2, 'I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ'. If, on the other hand, the mind be united to any other things whatsoever, against the prescription of the Divine order, it will be called spiritual fornication, according to Jeremiah 3:1, 'But thou hast prostituted thyself to many lovers.' Taking chastity in this sense, it is a general virtue, because every virtue withdraws the human mind from delighting in a union with unlawful things. Nevertheless, the essence of this chastity consists principally in charity and the other theological virtues, whereby the human mind is united to God." (St. Thomas Aquinas, Doctor of the Church and "greatest theologian in the history of the Church")


[ Source: MyCatholicSource.com ]

St. Josemaria Escriva on Purity

Some food for thought on purity from St. Josemaria Escriva, founder of Opus Dei, whose feast day we celebrate today.

(H/T to Bro. E)

"It has always made me very sorry to hear some teachers (so many alas!) going on and on about the dangers of impurity. The result, as I have been able to verify in quite a few souls, is the opposite of what was intended, for it's a sticky subject, stickier than tar, and it deforms people's consciences with all kinds of fears and complexes, so that they come to imagine that the obstacles in the way of attaining purity of soul are almost insurmountable. This is not our way. Our approach to holy purity must be healthy and positive, and expressed in modest and clear language.

To discuss purity is really to talk about Love. I have just pointed out to you that I find it helpful in this regard to have recourse to the most holy Humanity of Our Lord, that indescribable marvel where God humbles himself to the point of becoming man, and in doing so does not feel degraded for having taken on flesh like ours, with all its limitations and weaknesses, sin alone excepted. He does all this because he loves us to distraction! He does not in fact lower himself when he empties himself. On the contrary, he raises us up and deifies us in body and soul. The virtue of chastity is simply to say Yes to his Love, with an affection that is clear, ardent and properly ordered.

We must proclaim this loud and clear to the whole world, by our words and by the witness of our lives: 'Let us not poison our hearts as if we were miserable beasts governed by our lower instincts!' A Christian writer once expressed it thus: 'Consider that man's heart is no small thing, for it can embrace so much. Do not measure its greatness by its physical dimensions, but by the power of its thought, whereby it is able to attain the knowledge of so many truths. In the heart it is possible to prepare the way of the Lord, to lay out a straight path where the Word and the Wisdom of God may pass. With your honorable conduct and your irreproachable deeds, prepare the Lord's way, smooth out his path so that the Word of God may act in you without hindrance and give you the knowledge of his mysteries and of his coming.'

Holy Scripture reveals to us that the great work of our sanctification, which is accomplished in a marvelous hidden manner by the Paraclete, takes place in both the soul and the body. 'Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ?' cries the Apostle, 'Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? ... Or do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who dwells in you, whom you have received from God, and that you are no longer your own? For you have been bought at a great price. Glorify God and bear him in your bodies.'"


St. Josemaria Escriva
"For They Shall See God"
Friends of God, 178

Chris Tiu on Chastity and True Love

Nowadays it is extremely rare to find a local celebrity who can talk about things such as chastity and true love that is why I admire Chris Tiu a lot. You won't find this guy endorsing products such as cigars or alcohol or posing half naked on giant billboards along EDSA wearing some skimpy underwear...ever. If you want to know more about the virtue of chastity and true love, I encourage you to attend Real Love Revolution 2013. You can find the details here. Live pure!

To Inspire Love: A Return to Modesty

Here is a take on modesty by Catholic author Edward Sri based on a series of Blessed Pope John Paul II's Love and Responsibility.


In our post-sexual-revolution world, skimpy dresses, mini-skirts, tiny bikinis, low-rise pants, and low-cut shirts have become part of the mainstream attire for women today. And anyone who might raise questions about the appropriateness of such dress is viewed as “rigid,” “old fashioned,” or “out of touch” with modern style. Modesty is no longer a part of our culture’s vocabulary. Though most people sense they wouldn’t want their own daughters dressing like Madonna and Britney Spears, few have the courage to bring up the topic of modesty, and even fewer know what to say if they did.

John Paul II — then Karol Wojtyla — in his book Love and Responsibility, offers much needed wisdom on the nature of modesty and how dressing modestly is crucial for strengthening our relationships with the opposite sex.


The Experience of Shame

Wojtyla begins his treatment on modesty with an explanation of a common human experience: shame. Shame involves a tendency to conceal something — not just bad things, such as sins, weaknesses, and embarrassing moments, but also good things that we desire to keep from coming out in the open. For example, someone who performs a good deed may prefer that his action go unnoticed. If he is complemented publicly, he may feel embarrassed, not because he did something bad, but because he did not want to draw attention to his deed. Similarly, a student who receives high marks on an exam may feel embarrassed when the teacher praises her in front of the whole class, since she wished to share her good grade only with her closest friends and family. There are many good things that we wish to keep hidden from public eyes, and we feel shame if they are brought out into the open.

This helps us understand one of the most powerful experiences of shame: sexual shame. Why do human persons tend to conceal body parts associated with sexuality? Why do men and women instinctively cover themselves quickly if someone of the opposite sex accidentally walks in on them while they are changing their clothes or going to the bathroom? Wojtyla explains that this tendency to conceal those parts of the body that make it male or female is itself not the essence of shame, but a manifestation of a deeper tendency to conceal the sexual values themselves, “particularly in so far as they constitute in the mind of a particular person ‘a potential object of enjoyment’ for persons of the other sex” (p. 176).

For example, a woman may instinctively sense that if certain parts of her body are exposed, a man might view her merely for her sexual values as an object of pleasure. Indeed, those particular parts of her body reveal her sexual values so powerfully that a man can be drawn primarily not to her true value as a person, but to her sexual values which give him sensual pleasure in his glances and imagination.

That is why we tend to veil the sexual values connected with particular parts of the body — not because they are bad, but because they can overshadow the greater value of the person. Wojtyla thus says sexual shame is “a natural form of self-defense for the person” (p. 182). It helps prevent the person from being treated as an object of enjoyment. Thus, the concealing of sexual values through modesty of dress is meant to provide the arena in which something much more than a mere sensual reaction might take place. Modesty of dress helps protect interactions between the sexes from falling into utilitarianism, and thus creates the possibility of authentic love for the person to develop.


Shame Absorbed by Love

Yet within the context of betrothed love — a mature self-giving love of a husband and wife — there is no longer any reason for shame. True love ensures that sentimental and sensual experiences “are imbued with affirmation of the value of the person to such an extent that it is impossible for the will to regard the other person as an object for use” (pp. 183–84). Each person has complete confidence in the other’s selfless love. They each have total trust that they won’t be treated merely as an object for the other person’s pleasure. Hence, their emotional and sensual enjoyment is grounded in full self-giving love and a profound sense of responsibility for the other person.

The need for shame has been absorbed by mature love for a person: it is no longer necessary for a lover to conceal from the beloved or from himself a disposition to enjoy, since this has been absorbed by true love ruled by the will. Affirmation of the value of the person so thoroughly permeates all the sensual and emotional reactions connected with the sexual values that the will is not threatened by a utilitarian outlook. (p. 184)

This kind of trust, however, can only be found fully in betrothed love. Only in a healthy, thriving marriage is shame absorbed by love in this way. That’s why we want to dress modestly when we are with members of the opposite sex to whom we are not married. Outside the context of betrothed love, we must be careful with the unveiling of sexual values or else we will set ourselves up to be used by the opposite sex.


Avoiding Objectification

Now we are prepared to explore the three aspects of sexual shame presented by Wojtyla. We have already touched upon the first aspect — how shame leads us to conceal sexual values so that they don’t produce a merely utilitarian reaction in another person. A woman should want to avoid dressing in a way that deliberately draws attention to her sexual values and obscures her value as a person. Certain types of clothing (or lack thereof) are bound to elicit a sensual reaction that puts her in a position of being treated as an object of enjoyment.

But here some women may object: “Why is it my responsibility to dress modestly? If a man struggles with lustful thoughts, that’s his problem, not mine.” But this objection misses Wojtyla’s point. The purpose of modesty is not merely to help prevent men from stumbling into impure thoughts. Modesty of dress is primarily meant to protect the woman herself. It helps keep the woman from being treated as an object for sexual pleasure.

Wojtyla offers two important insights that help make sense of this. On one hand, we must remember that human beings are fallen. Thus, it is not easy for us to avoid a utilitarian attitude when we see the body of the opposite sex. The attitude of “I shouldn’t have to worry about how I dress — that’s the man’s problem” naively fails to take original sin seriously. As Wojtyla explains, “Man, alas, is not such a perfect being that the sight of the body of another person . . . can arouse in him merely a disinterested liking which develops into an innocent affection. In practice, it also arouses concupiscence, or a wish to enjoy concentrated on sexual values with no regard for the value of the person” (p. 190). As a result of original sin, the human will “too readily accepts the sensual reaction and reduces another person . . . to the role of an object for enjoyment” (p. 191). And when this happens, Wojtyla calls it “depersonalization by sexualization.” The woman is not viewed for who she is as a person. She is reduced to a potential object for sexual pleasure. Modesty of dress helps women to avoid being depersonalized in this way.

On the other hand, Wojtyla goes on to remind us that men struggle with sensuality a lot more than women. Therefore, it is not surprising that women may have difficulty understanding what really constitutes modest dress, for sensuality is not as strong in them as it is in men. “Since a woman does not find in herself the sensuality of which a man as a rule cannot but be aware in himself she does not feel so great a need to conceal ‘the body as a potential object of enjoyment’” (p. 177). Consequently, women often don’t realize that a certain way of acting or dressing may actually be immodest. And they may have absolutely no idea that the way they are dressing may be setting themselves up to be viewed by a man as a mere object for sexual pleasure. “Very often, a woman does not regard a particular way of dressing as shameless . . . although some man, or indeed many men, may find it so” (p. 189).


Concealing Our Reactions

The second aspect of sexual shame is its tendency to conceal our own utilitarian reactions to the opposite sex when we treat them as objects for our enjoyment. We realize that a human person is not an object for use, and we feel ashamed if we treat people that way in our glances, thoughts, or imagination. Deep down, a man senses, “I must not touch her, not even with a deeply hidden wish to enjoy her, for she cannot be an object for use” (p. 180).

Consider what often happens when a man is staring at a woman lustfully and she notices it. As soon as he is caught, he quickly turns his eyes away because he feels ashamed of what he was doing. He does not want his utilitarian attitude toward her to be exposed. He knows he shouldn’t treat a woman that way and he immediately looks away.


Inspiring Love

The third and most important aspect of sexual shame is its connection with love. Ultimately, modesty seeks to inspire love — true love for the person, not just a sexual reaction to a woman’s body. Deep in a woman’s heart is a longing to inspire and experience love. Thus, a woman should dress in a way that inspires love for her as a person. But dressing immodestly hinders the possibilities for true love to develop, for it draws attention to her sexual values to such an extent that it overshadows her value as a person. In other words, a woman dressing immodestly may deliberately elicit a sexual reaction to her body. And she may attract men to view her body as an object of enjoyment. But she doesn’t inspire men to love her as a person.

Here we see that modesty of dress is about so much more than helping men avoid falling into sin. And it is not simply a “defensive reflex” protecting women from being used. In the end, modesty is about inspiring a reaction to the value of the person — not just to the sexual values. As Wojtyla explains, “sexual modesty is not a flight from love, but on the contrary the opening of a way towards it. The spontaneous need to conceal mere sexual values bound up with the person is the natural way to the discovery of the value of the person as such” (p. 179).


(Source: Integrated Catholic Life)

-oOo-

True Modesty is not:

• a set of rules and regulations, laid out by others on what is appropriate
• a strict style - such as wearing dresses all the time, in every circumstance
• a certain look - only skirts below the knee, etc.
• a mindset of being 'holy' or superior
• a focus on self - how we look

Modesty is first and foremost an attitude of the heart. An attitude of submission to the Lord and the desire to please Him in our thoughts, actions and dress. It is not to please others or to gain attention, but is the act of being mindful of others, being careful to avoid causing a brother to stumble or succumb to temptation. A by-product of holiness that reflects in our attitude and dress. As holiness cannot be produced, it must be formed in the heart and then it extends outwardly. Modesty cannot be forced or put on, but it begins with that desire to please the Lord and allow Him to change us from the inside out.

Modesty requires grace. As we receive grace, we must extend grace. There are no 'levels' of modesty. We don't ever 'arrive'! It is a constant surrender of our will to have the will of God molded in us. But it creates an inner beauty that always points others to our Lord.

(Source: Joyfull Living Blog)

Absolute Purity or Relative Purity?

This is a guest post by Derek Ross, National Director of True Love Waits Philippines, whom I had the privilege of meeting in person last month during a conference on SSA. To find out more about his ministry, visit www.wagmuna.com.


There is a prevalent idea that the cause of Filipino's moral decay is Western influence largely that of America. McDonald's, Starbucks, Krispy Kreme, hiphop, Levi's, Microsoft or Mac, Hollywood and MTV, are some American things that influence us.

To prevent moral decay some people avoid every kind of American brand of influence. But do we really want to throw out all things that America has influenced us? Not really, because cars and airplanes were invented in the U.S.

If we think about it, our TVs are not only filled with Western influence but our Asian neighbors also influence much of our youth culture today. Singaporean, Chinese, Japanese, and Korean youth cultures have impacted the way Filipino youth dress, talk, and act. But which culture should we choose as a standard among the nations when it comes to purity?

Being "more conservative" in some ways than the West, we have the propensity to uplift ourselves by saying,

"We are purer than they are."
"We're not like them when it comes to premarital sex."
"Our purity campaign is better than theirs."

When we do this, we're not really any better because we're only measuring ourselves to a standard where we can feel better than them. There is really no such thing as 'more righteous' or 'lesser evil', only what is good and evil. We have taken upon ourselves the measuring and removed God as the standard.

Our aim should not become better than other nations. At life's end there will not be a panel of Western people sitting with 1-10 scorecards to grade us. The final decision of whether we are pure or impure will not be based on some kind of sliding scale comparing ourselves to others. What we need is an unshakeable and unchanging standard, something absolute.

Standard: A rule or principle used as a basis for judgment.
Absolute: Free from imperfection; complete; perfect: absolute liberty.

Purity can either be Absolute or Relative. Absolute Purity is God's unchanging standard throughout time, while Relative Purity is that swaying standard that we can always tailor to fit our needs.

We all make mistakes that go against God's word, so how can we live an absolute life of purity? A wise man once said, "Nothing is more satisfying than doing what your heart desires and knowing that what your heart desires is right. But nothing is more destructive than doing what your heart desires and knowing that what your heart desires is wrong."

What the Filipino people need is not a better heart but a new heart.


I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. I will place My Spirit within you and cause you to follow My statutes and carefully observe My ordinances. - Ezekiel 36:26-27


Derek Ross, National Director, True Love Waits Philippines

-oOo-

True Love Waits Philippines is a non-government organization that is committed to helping Filipino youth live a life of purity. Our heart is to help equip the youth of this nation to live a pure life both now, and in the future as they help lead the Philippines. We are an organization that is solely supported by concerned individuals and groups.

See our website (http://www.tlw.ph/support-tlw/) for information on how you can
invest in achieving purity in the lives of Filipino youth.


(P.S: TLW Leader's Guide and Purity resources coming out on January 2012! Be sure to check www.wagmuna.com for updates.)

Real Love Revolution

The real love revolution has begun last Sunday. As I expected, Jason Evert delivered a powerful and energetic talk to a crowd of mostly young people at SMX Convention Center. I and some Courage brothers and sisters were there to listen to his talk and I was so amazed with this guy! For close to two hours he delivered the talk spontaneously and nonstop covering issues affecting young people today like chastity, dating, courtship, modesty, marriage, pornography, family life, STDs, and yes even the RH bill! We need more people like him who is young and full of passion because the youth can relate to him well.

You can find out more about Jason Evert by visiting his website at www.chastity.com. Catch him too on EWTN's Theology of the Body for Teens together with his wife Crystalina and another host. Here are the snapshots I took of the event. Bad thing I was not able to even get close to Jason. (Star cager Chris Tiu's special appearance was a surprise for me too.)

Shrine of Jesus beside SMX Convention Center

Mall of Asia Globe

SM Mall of Asia - the third largest shopping mall in Asia

SMX Convention Center is the largest private venue in the Philippines for trade events, industry conventions, corporate functions, and international exhibitions.

(That's Jason Evert projected on the screen)

Jason Evert in Manila

Note: There has been a change of venue for Jason Evert's talk in Manila. Instead of the Araneta Coliseum venue, chastity speaker Jason Evert will conduct a talk at SMX Convention Center entitled Real Love Revolution on February 27, Sunday, from 1 p.m. to 5 p.m. Entrance fee is P50.

Please be guided accordingly. Thanks for visiting our blog. See you this Sunday!

Jason Evert Chastity Conferences

Forwarded invitation.

ROMANCE WITHOUT REGRET:
THE MANILA SERIES

Men and women, boys and girls, experience the joys and travails of love and life. Everyone longs for the full satisfaction of the will to give itself entirely to the beloved. However, there are perennial and modern challenges to reckon with … lust, unfaithfulness, instant gratification, worldliness, excessive love of body, pleasure for pleasure sake, in short, selfishness. We are all called by our humanity to get out of our “self” and be completely open to the “other”. This is the only way we can guarantee our happiness despite the many difficulties and dilemmas that we have to confront each day.

Jason Evert, a young husband and father and foremost advocate of pure love in the United States, is coming to the Philippines to talk to minds and hearts of youth, parents, and professional educators. In four days, on 24 to 28 February 2011, he is expected to help shape lives towards their common destiny of real love, fidelity, and well-being. Hear him, LIVE!

LOVE AND LIFE REVOLUTION
Change Begins at the Big Dome

On February 27, 2011 (Sunday), Jason Evert will conduct a talk on chastity at the SMX Convention Center besides SM Mall of Asia entitled Love and Life Revolution. The said event will be from 1 p.m. to 5 p.m. and will be attended by students from various schools and colleges all over the metro. Everyone is welcome to attend and the entrance fee is P50. The schedule is as follows:

Holy Mass by Bishop Ongtioco

“Crusade for Life: Proclaiming the Gospel of Life”
Ed Sorreta, Pro-Life Philippines

“Romance without Regret”
Jason Evert

CATALYST OF UA&P

In this connection, we would like to invite the youth leaders in your diocese to this big event that will celebrate life and love. We hope you can join the more than 10,000 young people who will take part in this most worthwhile conference. This event is co-organized by CATALYST of UA&P and Couples for Christ (CFC-Global), in cooperation with the Diocesan Commission on Youth. To help defray the cost of organizing this event, parishes will be requested to shoulder the solidarity fee of P50 per participant. Each diocese may send 200 participants. Check payment may be made payable to “University of Asia and the Pacific” or simply, “UA&P”. You may also deposit your payment to the UA&P account (BPI 0201041473 Checking Account, Pasig, Ortigas) at any BPI branches. Tickets will be forwarded to the respective parishes once payment is received, or deposit slip faxed to 637-09-12 local 369 (please indicate Attn: Mann Rentoy).

We shall get in touch with you personally to discuss other details of the matter. You may contact us at tel. no. 637-09-12 local 277 or cellphone 0908-864-84-91.

Thank you very much!

Emmanuel M. Rentoy
Coordinator
Love & Life Revolution

-oOo-

Other speaking engagements of Jason Evert:

24 FEBRUARY (Thursday)
For College Students
8:30 a.m., U.P. Theater, Diliman, Quezon City
Co-organized by UA&P Student Executive Board
Tel. (02) 6370912 loc. 380

25 FEBRUARY (Friday)
Iloilo City

26 FEBRUARY (Saturday)
For Young Professionals
8:30 a.m., Ynares Sports Arena, Pasig City
Co-organized by Couples for Christ - Foundation for Family and Life
Tel. (0917) 8489839

More About Jason Evert

JASON EVERT (age 35) is a Catholic public speaker with Catholic Answers whose topics emphasize chastity. He began speaking in 1999, and as of 2003, Evert and his wife Crystalina, who also does chastity speeches with him, tour the USA each year to spread the news of the new sexual revolution to over 100,000 students annually. He is the founder of chastity.com, chastity.org, and castidad.com. He has a master's degree in Theology, and undergraduate degrees in Counseling and Theology, with a minor in Philosophy from the Franciscan University of Steubenville.

Prayer and Fasting to Fight Pornography

A couple of days or so ago, our spiritual director's community, Anawim, formally launched the Prayer and Fasting to Fight Pornography Movement or PFFP as an initiative to counteract and fight the evil of pornography, and what a better way to celebrate the Feast of the Immaculate Conception (which we are celebrating today) than to commit to this initiative for ourselves and for others struggling with porn. There is a war that the Evil One is waging against us in the privacy of our own home and the demon's name is internet pornography. Today more than ever, with internet so readily accessible to anyone anytime, there is a greater temptation to indulge in this vice.


The Porn Stats

To give you an overview of how big the porn industry is, check out these facts:

4.5
Average number of pornographic e-mails received by each user per day

100,000
Websites featuring child pornography

4.2 million
Number of pornographic sites on the internet, approximately 12 percent of all websites

68 million
Daily internet searches for pornographic terms

72 million
Individual visitors to pornographic websites each month

1.5 billion
Pornographic downloads each month from “peer to peer” file-sharing websites

2.5 billion
Pornographic e-mails sent each day

2.84 billion
Annual sale, in dollars, of online pornographic products and services in the United States

4.9 billion
Annual sale, in dollars, of online pornographic products and services

5 billion
Estimated number of work hours lost to cyberporn in America each year; 70 percent of porn-site traffic occurs between the hours of 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. Mondays through Fridays.

[Compiled by Gerald Korson from the Internet Filter Review (IFR) and other online sources.]

Isn't it staggering? Porn is a billion dollar business! That's more than enough money to address world hunger. This post is so timely. Just a few days ago, The Family Research Council has released a major study on the devastating effects of porn on individual users, marriages, and children. The study was conducted by Pat Fagan, Senior Fellow at FRC and Director of the Center for Research on Marriage and Religion and here are his findings:


Findings on Harm to Individual Users:

* Pornography is addictive, and neuroscientists are beginning to map the biological substrate of this addiction.
* Users tend to become desensitized to the type of pornography they use, become bored with it, and then seek more perverse forms of pornography.
* Men who view pornography regularly have a higher tolerance for abnormal sexuality, including rape, sexual aggression, and sexual promiscuity.
* Prolonged consumption of pornography by men produces stronger notions of women as commodities or as "sex objects."


Findings on Harm to Marriages:

* Married men who are involved in pornography feel less satisfied with their conjugal relations and less emotionally attached to their wives. Wives notice and are upset by the difference.
* Pornography use is a pathway to infidelity and divorce, and is frequently a major factor in these family disasters.
* Among couples affected by one spouse's addiction, two- thirds experience a loss of interest in sexual intercourse.
* Both spouses perceive pornography viewing as tantamount to infidelity.


Findings on Harm to Children:

* Pornography engenders greater sexual permissiveness, which in turn leads to a greater risk of out-of-wedlock births.
* Child-sex offenders are more likely to view pornography regularly or to be involved in its distribution.
* Pornography eliminates the warmth of affectionate family life, which is the natural social nutrient for the growing child.


Why Prayer and Fasting?

I will let Fr. Christopher Weldon do the explaining here on the biblical basis of using prayer and fasting in fighting evil. In one NCRegister article , Fr. Weldon explains thus:

"By giving up what is good (food) to receive what is better (grace), we fight what is bad (pornography)."

"This is the key to the message of fasting to fight pornography," Father Weldon continued. "When we realize porn is a demon, we see how much easier it is to defeat through fasting. This is not something we've come up with on our own. In the Gospel, Jesus tells us how to drive out the demon. He even gives us an example through his own fasting in the desert as he faces the devil with all his temptations."

The fast consists of one full meal a day, with two small snacks that don't equal a second meal. For starters, Father Weldon recommends fasting every third Tuesday of the month.

Wryly observing that fasting without prayer is just "food deprivation," Wagner said, "I also make sure I attend Mass on Tuesdays and spend extra time in prayer for the pornography issue."

For more information on this simple program, do visit the PFFP website


Get All the Help Possible

Besides prayer and fasting as your primary weapons in this spiritual warfare, you may need other things. You may also need practical tools such as internet filters and accountability software or maybe a support group for porn addicts. You may need support and counseling from your local pastor/priest or professional therapist especially if you are in a complicated situation involving your marriage or family. There are websites and blogs on the internet where you can find helpful information and tools, or an online porn recovery program even.


Addicted To Porn

I myself am struggling with porn. My support group knows about it. My spiritual director knows it. In fact, every time I go to our monthly confession, it's always there at the top of my list. It's a vicious cycle and it seems like nothing is happening. I almost feel like giving it up.

But God is truly merciful. For the past two months I did not act out nor seek out internet pornography. I can almost hear Fr. Dan break out in hallelujah.

You might ask what's the big deal about being sober from porn for two months? Well, for me it means a lot and it is a major battle I am continuing to win day by day with the help of God's grace. You see, I'm not your occasional internet user. I work with computers and I am online basically the whole day and sometimes extending to evening - all that in the privacy of my own room. Temptation is just a mouse click away and once I give in it's hard to stop.

Recovery from sexual addiction is not an event; it is a journey. Although I am gaining some grounds in overcoming porn addiction, I know that I cannot be complacent because I am weak and in constant need of help. I must confess that I am still struggling with masturbation and sexual fantasies - mental images that are stuck in my memory from years of looking at porn. Yes, be careful little eyes what you see because those erotic images stay lodged in your brain for many years after viewing it.


Spread the Word

Link up the PFFP website to your blog, facebook, twitter, myspace, etc. and spread the message of hope to as many people as you can. Together, let us pray and fast to fight pornography.


"This kind can only be driven out by prayer and fasting." - Mark 9:29

Perfectionism Fuels Addiction

I like this one from Candeo. Because perfectionism is seen as a positive trait especially in the workplace, we tend to overlook how it impacts other areas of our life. In this article, Mark Kastleman tells us why perfectionism is at the core of our sexual addiction.


“No one would ever see a drunk, passed out in the gutter, and say, ‘There lies a perfectionist!’ But that’s exactly what I was! If I couldn’t do life perfectly, then I wouldn’t bother even trying.”

These were the words of a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, describing himself before he was “restored to sanity” by the principles and practices of humility contained in the Twelve Steps.

The following comments were sent to me by a dear friend. See if they ring true in your life experience.


Perfectionism Is At the Core of Almost All Addictive Behavior

I know it sounds like a glaring contradiction, a cruel paradox, but it’s absolutely true-most addicts are obsessed with perfection! They perceive that in order to be of any real value; to be loved and accepted, they have to be perfect. And when the pursuit of perfection wears them out, they seek escape through addiction. This then piles on the guilt and shame, and once again they clench their fists and grit their teeth and start the whole perfection thing again-and so goes the cycle, over and over again.

I think we react so negatively and mercilessly to imperfection in ourselves and others because we have fallen for a lie that suggests there can be no allowance for learning by our own mistakes. We are constantly shaming and blaming ourselves for not being perfect and we are filled with disgust toward anything less-than-perfect about ourselves or the world around us.

If you think about it, this is really a kind of “perfection idolatry”- worshipping perfection as the only way we can be valuable, loveable or “good enough.” The irony is that this harsh and unreasonable approach to ourselves and others, only separates us from God, others and ourselves. The fact is, our chance to experience imperfection in this life is exactly the way God intended it to be.

I couldn’t agree with my friend more! She is absolutely right–perfectionism often triggers and fuels addictive behavior. Many of us (I suffered with this for 30 years and I still feel the residue) believe that if we do “everything perfect” then maybe, just maybe we will be “good enough” for God and others to accept us.

When we set total “perfection” as the daily level of performance we “must” attain to be acceptable to ourselves, God and others, we set ourselves up for failure.Why? Because we have placed a rigid, unreasonable, unattainable burden on our own back that we can only bear for so long until it wears us out. And, it also wears out those around us because we often require the same level of perfection from them as well. Then, when we are exhausted–physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, our “perfectionist–all-or-nothing” attitude says, “If I can’t be perfect, then why try?” So, we seek out self-medication to help sooth our feelings of unworthiness, shame and guilt–and to simply have an outlet and get a reprieve from our internal “merciless dictator/critic.” If we don’t release in this way, we will simply collapse under all the pressure.

Then, after we escape and self-medicate (which comes in many forms including substance abuse, pornography, food, anger, depression, as well as outlets that are neutral or even healthy) we feel “guilty” for failing to pursue perfection so we start the whole process over again.

The grand key is to realize that there is only one overriding feeling we should have for ourselves and others-unconditional love. Our Creator’s love for us is completely unconditional-we cannot earn it, nor can we make ourselves unworthy of it. It is always there, unconditional and constant.

With UNCONDITIONAL LOVE as the motive and fuel for everything we do, we realize that we and all of us are in this life to learn by our own experience, by our own trial and error. And hopefully, over time, baby-step by baby-step, we are “becoming” better at choosing that is which is good; that which is light and love.

If you go back to the origins of the word “perfect,” it means “complete” or “whole.” Each of us has our own unique potential–our own place of “completeness” to be evolving toward. It is a process of making mistakes, learning from them and moving forward. In some things, it may take us 763 of the same mistake before we finally say “I get it! I’m ready to move on!” Does that make us evil, hopeless, flawed or “not one of the good ones”? Of course not-it makes us “human.” It’s called “life.”

Does all of this mean we shouldn’t try to improve. Certainly not. But, we would all do well to lighten up and be far more gentle, forgiving and compassionate with ourselves and each other. Amidst all our noble efforts to learn and grow and overcome, let’s not forget to notice and embrace all of the simple joys and wonders along the way.


Acknowledgment: To learn more and sign up for a FREE sample Candeo mini-course click HERE.

Porn Can Cripple Your Will Power

Here is a great article on porn addiction forwarded to me by Candeo when I signed up to their free online program. This article will give you an oversight to help you understand a bit the brain science behind your porn addiction and why it is difficult to quit.

Porn addiction has been a struggle for me ever since, but lately things have been very encouraging for me. I'm not that yet confident to divulge the details. I feel thankful that God is showing me the way out of this mess. The road towards recovery is long, but I want to encourage everyone trapped in this addiction that there is a way to break free. Keep persevering.



by Dr. Bernell Christensen

After decades of helping individuals work through their addiction to pornography, I’m still amazed by the consistency of the responses I see in both the addict and those who care about him or her. When one is shackled in porn use, he or she is usually deeply frustrated and greatly perplexed by the power of their addiction—especially by the fact that when they feel the “urge” wash over them, they temporarily jettison everyone and everything they care about to indulge in porn or some other sexual behavior. Afterward, they can’t understand why their will power and self-discipline were so weak! At the same time, those who care about the addict feel tremendous frustration each time he or she gives in to the addiction—“Why can’t you just say no!” “You just need to learn to control yourself!”

To understand why an addict has little or no will power and self-discipline when faced with the overwhelming urge to indulge in his addiction, you must first understand what addiction does to the brain. In the forehead area or Frontal Lobes area of the brain is the control/executive center. This is the most advanced part of our brain—what makes us human. It is the area of the brain that has to do with will, self-discipline, anticipation of consequences, reasoning, planning, and goal-setting. Addictions inhibit this part of the brain and reduce these capacities. This is one reason why addicts are so “surprised” after they have indulged in violation of their own values, beliefs, resolutions, goals, memory of past consequences, etc.

Because addictive behaviors spawn from the Limbic System or reward-pleasure-appetite-emotion-driven part of the brain, and are accompanied by a tidal wave of endogenous chemicals (natural morphine-like chemicals produced by the brain) once the individual makes up his mind to start down the path of indulgence, the frontal lobes are, as it were, “blocked out” dramatically reducing “will-power” and “self-control”. It’s like battling the addiction with only 50%, 30%, or even 20% or less of one’s will, self-discipline, and self-control in operation. This is one reason why people who have never been addicted will say, “Why don’t you just quit”? or “Why don’t you just stop looking at it?” assuming that if they were addicted they could control it.

Of course they arrive at this reasoning with 100% of their will, self-discipline, and faculties in-tact. What they don’t realize is that with the logic/self-control centers of the brain severely handicapped, overcoming the urge to indulge is like running a race severely crippled. For the addict, the whole process is extremely frustrating and disheartening, because they want to quit, but it seems the harder they try the more powerless they become.

What we know, is that without the correct knowledge, tools and relevant skills, facing one’s addiction is really not a fair fight!


We Live in an Age of Addiction

We all are prime targets for addiction. We lead hectic, fast-paced, anxiety-filled lives. We often base our self-worth on our accomplishments. We drive ourselves further and further to achieve. Peace and confidence are often elusive for many good-hearted souls. As we continue to push ourselves harder and faster, we become more tired, stressed, and often more isolated.

To help you consider further “how your addiction has advanced to where it is today,” consider the example of the college student. Keep in mind that this example with just a few adjustments could describe the burned-out businessman, financially-buried single mom, and many other individuals who are struggling with the trials of life. As you read this example, ponder how it reflects your own situation:


The College Student

Imagine an individual who excitedly enters college with a burning desire to gain valuable knowledge and skills. He wants to invest in himself and develop his talents and abilities. However, he soon discovers that he is surrounded by other bright, talented and ambitious people in a very competitive and rigorous environment. He’s not only in school, but he has a job in order to finance his schooling. He finds himself not just jogging, but sprinting in a rat race to just to keep up. Before long he is exhausted, but he doesn’t give up; he can’t slow down. He continues to work, study and sacrifice day in and day out, week after week, month after month, often for years.

He finds himself isolated and lonely because of a lack of time, social opportunities and energy. The intense daily competition leaves him feeling insecure and questioning his own worth, uniqueness, talents and abilities. He often rises early in the morning to study, attends classes, works to earn a little spending money, studies some more in the evening, and arrives home exhausted. He has little opportunity to really “play” and enjoy leisure time. He begins experiencing emotional burnout and mental and physical fatigue. Before long he finds himself craving pleasure and escape. He doesn’t have much time for such things. He is a prime target and set-up for Internet porn.

He discovers that pornography is an easy, quick and cheap source of pleasure and escape. It is exciting and arousing—an extreme and intense amount of pleasure in a short period of time. Reaching climax stimulates his parasympathetic nervous system, providing instant relaxation and calmness. In fact, he even begins using self-stimulation and climax as a way to “be able to relax and go to sleep.”

Within a short period of time the student develops an addiction. He begins accessing pornography more and more often. It starts interfering with his studies and ability to focus and concentrate. He feels guilty about his behavior and tries to stop, but finds himself going back again and again. He tries to avoid even thinking about pornography and self-stimulation, and begins to fear these thoughts and his “out-of-control” behavior. The more he fights the thoughts, the more they force their way into his mind. Eventually, worn out by the struggle, he gives in and finds temporary relief, only to start the obsessive/compulsive cycle all over again.

This bright, young, honorable man finds himself shackled in chains, entrapped both in an addiction and in an obsession/compulsion. The more he tries to stop, the more difficult it becomes. The intense guilt, helplessness and discouragement become overwhelming.

Change a few of the particulars, and this story might generally describe your addiction. What this young man doesn’t realize, and what you may not know, is that addiction severely alters and handicaps the Frontal Lobes, robbing the addict of his will power and self-control. While this is most certainly not an excuse or justification, it definitely explains a great deal about an addict’s behavior! If the explanation ended here, there would be little hope for those who struggle under the heavy burden of addiction. But, what I have described is only the beginning!

What I know after decades of experience helping addicts, and what the latest brain imaging studies clearly prove is this: Frontal lobes that have been damaged by years of addiction can be healed and restored to their proper function! Yes, you can fully regain your will power and self-control! It takes time and effort. It requires that you gain the right knowledge, tools and skills. The point is, it can be done! That is what the Candeo program is all about—helping you successfully progress down the path of fully regaining your ability to choose; your free will; your self-esteem and self-confidence. Many have regained their lives and so can you. All you need do is start moving forward one step at a time down the recovery path. Let Candeo help you take your first step today.

—————–

Candeo is Devoted to Helping Pornography Addicts Start Down the Path of Healing

Candeo is an online organization whose mission is to educate and train individuals about the realistic, scientifically proven nature of Pornography Addiction.

It is estimated that in the U.S. alone, there are more than 60 million individuals, including men, women and children, caught up in Internet Pornography Addiction at some level. Pornography use is having a dramatic impact on their individual lives, families and society as a whole.

Candeo’s groundbreaking training system is an online Pornography Addiction Psycho-Education & Training System. This website contains many resources to help you learn more about this exciting new approach to helping those who are Addicted to Pornography.

To learn more and sign up for a FREE sample mini-course click here

Learning to Live Chastely with SSA

Here is an old Zenit article forwarded to me by a Courage brother's wife. We definitely can relate to this very well.


David Morrison Tells How He Ordered His Passions With a Life in Christ

Many people with same-sex attractions believe that they must be defined by their homosexual behavior.

But one man who grew up acting on his same-sex attractions has learned to embrace chastity as a Catholic convert. Journalist David Morrison, a former activist, is author of the book Beyond Gay (Our Sunday Visitor) and founder and moderator of Courage Online, an online support community.

He shared with ZENIT how living chastely helped diminish the degree of his same-sex attractions.

Q: What do you think contributed to your same-sex attractions?

Morrison: Whether same-sex attractions have a genetic origin or component, or stems from relationship problems during early life provides one of the more energetic contemporary scientific debates.

Unfortunately, the discussion has a tendency to slosh out from the purely scientific and into the headlines, but given the broader culture I suppose it's probably inevitable that it do so.

In my own case, I believe significant relationship problems with both of my parents, as well as with my peers, contributed to the development of same-sex attractions in my life and personality. I don't blame my parents at all; they became the people they were because of the upbringing they had and they tried to do the best they could rearing me. But my father was very emotionally distant throughout my childhood, while my mother was likely too emotionally available.

In addition, my parent's marriage was strained in many ways and that cannot help but have been felt by a child. If pressed on the matter I guess I would say it was possible that I might have had a sort of personality that might have been vulnerable to the development of same-sex attractions. But at the bottom line I think certain relationship and environmental factors needed to be in place for it to flourish.

Q: Did outside sources, such as the media culture, influence your ideas about same-sex attractions? How?

Morrison: I was born in 1963 and probably the key time for the culture to have a big influence on me was in the period from 1976 to 1986.

It was around 1976 that I became sexually aware -- I began to have sexual desires and began acting out sexually, initially with myself through masturbation but also with other, older, boys whose bodies, experience and authority I tended to idolize. Looking back on it I can say that they, to some extent, took advantage of having a younger boy around with whom they could satisfy some fundamental lusts.

I don't recall too many explicit fag jokes. As the homosexual liberation or gay movement drew more attention nationwide I remember there being jokes about that and about AIDS. But I was always able to hide my same-sex attractions, and the older boys with whom I sometimes acted out sexually did not seem to associate my willingness to have some forms of sex with them with definitive homosexuality on my part.

Probably the biggest cultural influence on my same-sex attractions came when I was around 19 or so and it was more or less inevitable that, if you lived with any same-sex attractions, you would have sex and define yourself as gay. The only alternative the culture provided -- simply not telling anyone that you lived with same-sex attractions -- was unacceptable since that was a ticket to a truly miserable and fearful life.

In retrospect I would have appreciated a cultural alternative to the extremes of either walking around afraid of anyone finding out that I lived with same-sex attractions or defining myself as gay and hitting the party scene.

Q: At what point did you discover a way to counteract your same-sex attractions?

Morrison: I am not sure I have discovered a way to counteract same-sex attractions. Rather, I think I discovered some of the same things that anyone who moves from a life defined by a temporal desire to one defined by seeking Christ also discovers.

The degrees of temptations we face often fade when we stop indulging them; seeking chastity and reigning in one's passions weakens them and, in the case of same-sex attractions, I believe living chastely helped diminish the degree of same-sex attractions that I experienced.

For the record, I believe men and women can diminish same-sex attractions over time and to varying degrees. In my own life that has been my experience, even though I have never sought therapy to diminish those same-sex attractions.

Even though I still live with a degree of same-sex attractions, that degree is less now than it was three years ago and I expect I will experience it even less strongly three years from now.

I haven't sought therapy to diminish the same-sex attractions I experience because such therapy is expensive in money, time and emotional energy and, given my background, I have had bigger obstacles to overcome in therapy than same-sex attractions.

Q: How did you decide to change? Was there a special moment of conversion?

Morrison: I never really decided to try to change my sexual desires. I did convert to a belief in Jesus Christ and to seeking him, first to Anglicanism and, later, to Roman Catholicism.

I came to Christ because, like the blind man on the roadside, I was in despair and had nothing to lose. No one evangelized me or offered to bring me to Church.

By roughly age 30 I had achieved a lot of what contemporary gay culture said a man could achieve. I had a lover of seven years. I had a good job and was respected by my peers at work. My partner and I owned property together and enjoyed an active sex life. I was openly gay in all quarters of my life. But nonetheless I remained unhappy. With everything I had, life seemed and felt empty.

For a long time I thought the problem lay in something about my life and I tried to change different things to see if they might make a difference.

One day, when I had the house to myself, it popped into my mind to pray and I prayed the classic Skeptic's Prayer: Lord, I don't even know if you exist, but if you exist I sure need you in my life. He came into my life and nothing has been the same since.

Q: How did your faith play into your struggle to change your homosexual behavior?

Morrison: I didn't come to obedience to chastity immediately. I spent a couple of years trying to straddle the line between obedience and sexual activity by calling myself a gay Christian, someone who could believe in Christ and still have gay sex.

But as I came to pray more and learn more about Jesus Christ, about historic Christianity and about the saints, and as I saw the witness other faithful Christians made about the role of Christ in their lives, I came to the conclusion that I no longer wanted to be a gay Christian.

I wanted to be Christ's, and if loving him meant living chastely, and if he was willing to help me do so, then that is what I wanted and what I want today.

Q: Have the teachings of Pope John Paul II helped you? Why?

Morrison: I think John Paul has performed a service to Christians and even some non-Christians by his careful explanations and annunciation of the theology of the body.

I think there is such confusion today about the role our bodies play in our spiritual lives and the importance of our bodies as part of our creation. John Paul II has laid a foundation for a very important part of the Church's message for the next millennia.

Q: How can the Church encourage people who engage in homosexual behavior to be celibate and live chastely?

Morrison: The Church can do all single people a favor by encouraging them, whether or not they live with same-sex attractions, to develop deeper and stronger relationships and friendships that don't involve sex.

So many people today, and not just the young, are confused about what genuine friendship is and how important it is to have emotional intimacy in our lives. The Church instructs single men and women to live chastely, but she does not instruct us to live in isolation.

The Church needs to help educate people that emotionally and intimately satisfying lives can be had without sexual activity.

Q: What advice do you have for others who have same-sex attractions?

Morrison: Don't think that your same-sex attractions must, per se, define your life. The human person is too magnificently complex to be boiled down to the label I am a gay man or I am a lesbian.

Particularly if you are young and have not acted out sexually, don't believe that you will necessarily experience the same degree of same-sex attractions that you do today.

Don't imagine that because you live with same-sex attractions God must not love you or that you can't seek him or that you cannot seek to become a saint.

Confession and Growth in Chastity

This is an excerpt from an article of John A. Hardon, SJ on the value of receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation frequently in our pursuit to grow in the virtue of chastity. It's a timely read for us since we will have another opportunity to avail the sacrament this coming Sunday with our spiritual director, Fr. Dan. (Welcome back!)

On a personal note, it seems as though, with repeated offenses and habitual falls, that it is of little to no use to go back to Confession. This is obviously a dangerous trap from the enemy. You will only give him much pleasure if you give in to this thought. It is like telling you not to take a bath often because you are going to perspire and smell awful at the end of the day anyway, right? Oh, please be kind with your neighbors!

We must acknowledge though that acquiring this virtue is difficult but not impossible. On the contrary, having frequent recourse to this sacrament helps us to grow in humility and gives us the opportunity to persevere in our commitment to live authentic Christian lives. Humility and perseverance are indispensable in our struggle to be chaste.


The Value of Frequent Confession

There is no doubt that the practice of frequent Confession, in the absence of mortal sins, is a relatively recent development in the Catholic Church. Such development under divine guidance is part of the genius of Catholic Christianity. It is also one of the signs that the Church is an organism that is growing and thriving for the best of reasons: the Church is alive.

Consequently anyone who frowns on frequent Confession and goes back to dusty volumes about the practice of sacramental Penance in the early Church is behind the times. People, who would not be caught dead with a copy of St. Augustine in their hands, will dig up obscure passages from the Church’s ancient practice in their effort to discredit the value of frequent Confession. These critics, I must say, are behind the times. They are reactionaries who fail to realize that the Church is the living and therefore developing Mystical Body of Christ.

Pope Pius XII rebuked those who criticized the long lines of penitents who had nothing more to confess than failures in patience and charity. What he then said, deserves to be memorized:

"It is true that venial sins may be expiated in many ways that are to be highly recommended. But to ensure more rapid progress day by day in the practice of virtue, we will that the pious practice of frequent Confession, introduced into the Church by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, should be earnestly promoted. Through frequent Confession genuine self-knowledge is increased, Christian humility grows, bad habits are corrected, spiritual neglect and tepidity are resisted, the conscience is purified, the will strengthened, a salutary self-control is obtained, and grace is increased by virtue of the sacrament itself (Ibid)."

The Pope wrote these words in 1943. In the light of what has since happened, I consider his strong defense of frequent Confession prophetic. We shall not restore the Church to her former glory and, please God, to a more glorious future until we bring back frequent Confession.


Growth in Chastity Through Frequent Confession

We return to where we began. How does the frequent reception of the Sacrament of Confession enable us to grow in fruitful chastity? The answer is really the eight ways in which the Vicar of Christ tells us that frequent Confession is beneficial to our spiritual life. Each of these eight ways contributes to our growth in what we are now calling the reproductive virtue of chastity.

1. Frequent Confession increases our self-knowledge. If there is one knowledge we all need it is the honest appraisal of our own selfish selves. We therefore grow in chastity by the clearer understanding of how naturally egotistical we are. The grace we receive from the sacrament of God’s mercy helps us realize what our Lord meant, that we are His disciples in the measure that we love others as He has loved us.

2. Frequent Confession helps us to grow in Christian humility. As we have said more than once, God punishes the proud by depriving them of the power to control their sexual drives. This sacrament gives us the light to see our nothingness and thus provides us with the grace we need to grow in chastity.

3. Frequent Confession corrects our bad habits. Another name for a bad habit is vice. Among the vices of our fallen nature, lust is second only to pride in its constant need for conversion. The more often we receive this sacrament, the more chaste we become as our lustful inclinations are subdued.

4. Frequent Confession resists our spiritual neglect, which is a synonym for tepidity. In the language of the Bible, a tepid person is lukewarm in the service of God.

Christ could not have been more emphatic than what He told the apostle John, speaking to the people of Laodicea, “I know all about you; how you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were one or the other, but since you are neither, but only lukewarm, I will spit you out of my mouth” (Revelations 3:13-14). There is nothing more important than to overcome tepidity in the spiritual life. Why? Because tepidity deprives us of the grace we need to preserve our chastity. The frequent reception of the sacrament of peace gives us stability in resisting the demon of lust, and thus growing in angelic chastity.

5. Frequent Confession purifies our conscience. We know that conscience is our mind passing judgment on the morality of our actions. A pure conscience is conformed to the will of God. The more often we go to Confession, the more clear our conscience becomes. In other words, the better we see what God wants us to do, and not what we prefer. God wants us not only to master our sexual passions. He wants us to reproduce ourselves in spirit, which is another name for reproductive chastity.

6. Frequent Confession strengthens the will. A strong will is a generous will. A weak will is a selfish will. How the philosophy of the world has perverted the very meaning of words. In the language of our secular culture, strong-willed people are the proud titans of industry and commerce and politics who dominate others in order to assert their power.

Never before in human history has there been more need for human wills to be strong in their sacrifice of themselves and submission to the will of God.

God humiliated the proud Romans of the first century of Christianity by allowing them to become slaves of their sexual passions. He is doing the same in our day. One so-called developed nation after another, intoxicated with pride, is wallowing in lust.

The frequent reception of the Sacrament of Penance strengthens our wills to overcome the worst enemy in our lives, which is our own self-will. But more than that, the more we sacrifice our selfish desires, the more we grow in humility, which is the foundation for the virtue of chastity.

But there is still more. The prevailing culture of our day calls for reparation. The crimes of lustful pride which have created a culture of death demand expiation before the offended justice of God. What better reparation can we make than by the practice of what I do not hesitate in calling heroic chastity. This is a chastity that witnesses to a world drunk with pride and sunk in lust. However, where can we get the strength of will needed to practice heroic chastity? Only from Christ, by receiving His Body in Holy Communion and receiving His grace in the sacrament of mercy.

7. Frequent Confession provides us with salutary self-control. It is impossible to be too clear on the meaning of self-control. What is this self which needs to be controlled? It is the Ego which the English language from time immemorial has capitalized. This is the Ego of which Christ spoke when He defined His true followers. “If anyone wishes to come after me,” He declared, “let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me” (Matthew 16:24).

The term “self-control” is ambiguous. In the mind of Christ, self-control means self-denial. It is nothing less than mastering the most assertive part of our created nature, which is to be absolutely independent.

How, then, does the Sacrament of Confession give us self-control? It gives us what we most need in life, namely to subdue our egomania, that does not stop even at dictating to our Creator and Lord.

This self-control is at the root of Christian chastity. Those who are chaste, on the Savior’s terms, not only restrain their venereal appetite. They love God so deeply that they want to share His love with others. If they are married, they wish to cooperate with the Creator in reproducing themselves not only in body, but also in fact especially in spirit. If they sacrifice marriage, in Christ's words “for the sake of the kingdom of heaven,” they do so in order to be more fruitful in reproducing offspring for eternal communion with God.

We are not quite finished. The Church tells us that through the sacrament of Penance a salutary self-control is obtained. The mastery of our self-will is salutary from the Latin word salus, which means “salvation.” The frequent confession of our sins is a divinely ordained promise of everlasting salvation. Why? Because only the chaste of heart will see God. Chastity of heart includes purity of body; but more important, it requires purity of soul, which is another way of saying total freedom from adoration of Self.

8. Frequent Confession increases divine grace in virtue of the sacrament itself. What are we saying? We are saying that every time we go to Confession, we infallibly increase the presence and power of our supernatural life. We become more holy, more pleasing to Christ, more believing, more trustful, and above all, more loving of God and more lovable to God.

In the deepest sense of the word, we become more chaste. We become more purified of the worst stigma that can stain the human spirit, the stain of a sterile self-love.


Growing in the Likeness of Christ

I would like to close this article with the beautiful tribute authorized by Pope Paul VI. It is one of the most eloquent pleas in papal history for frequent reception of the Sacrament of Penance. Issued after the Second Vatican Council, it emphasizes that this sacrament is not only for the remission of mortal sins. It is an infallible means of becoming more and more like Jesus Christ.

Says the Holy Father, “Frequent and reverent recourse to this sacrament, even when only venial sin is in question, is of great value. Frequent Confession is not mere ritual repetition, nor is it merely a psychological exercise. Rather it is a constant effort to bring to perfection the grace of our Baptism, so that we carry about in our bodies the death of Jesus Christ who died; so that the life Jesus Christ lives may be more and more manifested in us. In such confessions, while indeed confessing venial sins, penitents should be mainly concerned with becoming more conformed to Christ and more submissive to the voice of the Spirit.”

What is the successor of St. Peter telling us? He is saying that by frequent Confession we grow in the likeness of the all-chaste Son of God, whose chastity is another name for His sanctity.