Courage Philippines' Open Letter to Pope Francis

Pope Francis is perceived by many as 'radical and unpredictable'. The LGBT community praises him for being more 'open and unconventional' unlike his predecessors. Somehow they are caught in a wishful thinking that someday they will witness the Church approve of same-sex marriage in the name of 'mercy and compassion'. Admittedly, Pope Francis has made statements in the past that have created much confusion including his famous tagline "Who am I to judge?". We hope and pray that the Holy Father will clarify his stand on gay issues in an unambiguous manner and uphold the Church's teachings on human sexuality.


27 December 2014

His Holiness, Pope Francis PP.
Apostolic Palace, Vatican City
00120 Via del Pellegrino
Citta del Vaticano


Your Holiness:

We are members of the local chapter of the Courage Apostolate here in the Philippines. We are a spiritual support group of persons with same sex attractions that desires to live a chaste life in accordance with the Roman Catholic Church’s teaching on homosexuality.

We eagerly anticipate your visit here in our country just a few days from now. It is sad to note that being the prominent Catholic nation in Asia, we have fallen victims to the dictate of developed countries and a culture that is anti-Catholic and anti-Christian. Our government was coerced by Obama to pass the contraceptive bill (a.k.a. Reproductive Health) into a law, and still pushing other anti-life and anti-family bills such as the divorce and anti-discrimination bills. Our popular mass media floods our film, television, print and digital means of communication with pornographic images that glamorize marital infidelity, teenage sex, and homosexual lifestyles – raising celebrities that set bad examples to our young people. There are communists, feminists, and gay advocates in all walks of society promoting promiscuity and gay rights, coupled with many gay churches led by the Metropolitan Community Church that conduct same-sex marriages and ordains gay pastors (Order of St. Aeldred) garbed in Catholic vestments sowing confusion among the faithful.

As if outside forces aren’t enough, even within the ranks of the Catholic Church are growing dissenters of the faith especially on the teachings on family and life – such as Catholics for RH, and some renowned Jesuits (whose moral theologian is openly for condom usage and same sex marriage and adoption) and La Salle brothers and some religious orders handling schools and holding seminars, gay pride marches and supporting student organizations that promote the LGBT agenda. These groups deride, label and oppose our apostolate, even quoting you as saying “Who am I to judge?” without including your qualifier as “following God’s will”.

We earnestly beg you, dear Holy Father, to speak clearly to our people about the sanctity of life and of the sacrament of marriage between one man and one woman. Please give us words of encouragement to us who are struggling to remain chaste and follow God’s will for us as men and women designed after the Imago Dei. There are moments that we fall into despair, when these voices ring louder than God’s voice, and we think that our struggles to be holy are in vain when even members of the Catholic Church are pushing us to give up the fight and just embrace the gay identity. Please let us know we are doing the right thing – to realign our desires, to rediscover our design and rebuild our destiny – despite of every secular call to just let it go and let it “out”.

Thank you so much and hoping for your kind response. See you soon! We are praying for you!

Respectfully your son in Christ,


Rolando C. delos Reyes II
Adviser
Courage Philippines
www.couragephilippines.blogspot.com
www.couragerc.org

Same-Sex 'Love'

I got this blog comment on one of my old posts from 'Anonymous' that I would like to share with my readers. I will be posting this same question on our Courage e-group to get the opinions and reactions of fellow brothers and sisters, which I will collect and post here as a follow-up post to this entry. My reply to his query below sums up what I personally believe on the issue of homosexuality in general.


Does Courage recognize that two persons of the same sex can love each other? I know same sex couples, who are in committed and loving relationships. They care for each other, tend to each other's needs, and plan their lives together. But because they have sex with each other, then all that caring and loving still don't count? Now, I would agree that some - straight or gay - have sex with different motivations (lust, sensual adventure, etc.). Maybe I can understand why some people would object to that. But I can't understand why the same should apply to Joe and Larry who have been together for years and who have been at each other's side in sickness and health, through ups and downs. Their love should not remain as "love which dare not be speak its name." Love is love. - Anonymous

-oOo-

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for taking the time to comment.

First of all, I want to assure you that I truly understand your sentiments and where you are coming from. To address your question, here is my personal stand:

I believe I can love anyone, even members of the same sex whom I feel attracted to, without having sexual intercourse. It is not a condition for me to express my love and for him to love me back in return.

You may not agree with me, but I must tell you that from experience the most fulfilling and enduring friendship between two persons of the same sex is one that is mutual, nonsexual, and pure. When a person loves you this way, you can truly be sure that he is not after your money, fame, or favor. At this level of friendship, there is authentic freedom and space for each one of you to grow as a person without the trappings that come along with an emotionally-dependent and sex-based relationship.

My friend, I believe that deep within a person struggling with same-sex attraction, is that little boy that cries out desperately for love, but that this love is often misinterpreted as sexual love. I am more inclined to believe that our deepest unmet needs are in fact nonsexual in nature, which include affirmation of our God-given sexuality as male and female, true compassion, and a feeling of belongingness which many of us never experienced while growing up. These unmet needs are at the very core of our struggle. For most of us though these legitimate needs have been 'sexualized' in an attempt to fill that huge void inside us and to appease the little boy's desperate plea for affection.

It is noteworthy to mention that many gay men who have been in this lifestyle admit that sex has never really filled up that terrible void inside of them which begs the question why.

This puts the sexual act in its rightful and proper perspective, which is between a man and a woman in marriage, and I want you to understand that this is not some teaching that is imposed upon me by the Church or that which I follow blindly and neither is it discriminatory against gays. With all my personal limitations and weaknesses, God has made me realize this truth early on though somewhat vague which is much clearer now. More than a religious belief or teaching it is a personal unshakable conviction that I have right now. I am also aware though that this can be hard to accept among LGBTs and I cannot force anyone to accept it, but I must stand up for what I believe.

You know, sometimes, love can be misguided and blind as well. It can be very difficult for us to tell two guys who are "in love" with each other that their relationship is not good because we fear to be branded as "homophobic", "narrow-minded", or "politically incorrect." We care more of what other people might think of us rather than what God would tell of us when we come face to face with Him alone one day. We fear to offend their feelings and so we approve of their relationship as something good and desirable. If you know somebody who is running fast towards the edge of a cliff, would you not try to stop him on his tracks for fear of causing him some slight physical injury? Isn't that the most loving thing to do at that moment?

If you happen to be caught in this situation there is a middle ground, which is speaking the truth in love.

In the secular and relativistic society of our times, we need to always speak of the truth with love especially on the topic of gay relationships. I want to share with you this quote from Pastor Bill Campbell, author of the book Turning Controversy Into Church Ministry - a Christlike Response to Homosexuality:

Jesus did not hide the truth; he called the adulteress to repentance. But neither did he insult her, condemn her, or throw her out. His grace embraced her and sent her forth to live a better life. If he had demonstrated grace without truth, he would have let her stagger down the path of personal destruction. If he had spoken truth without grace, he would have clubbed her with the law and sentenced her to stoning by the crowd.

Truth and grace – have you ever tried putting those two together without minimizing either? Without God’s help, it is a daunting task. Grace without truth hampers, confuses, and even deceives. Truth without grace cuts, wounds, and destroys. Those who approach thorny matters such as sexual addiction, homosexuality, and adultery with only truth become experts at alienation. Those who bring love into such discussions but avoid the truth are unable to confront patterns of behavior that hurt self and society. Both are important; neither can function properly without the other. Salt is essential to the body, but separated into its two elements, sodium and chloride, it can be deadly. (p. 13)

Sadly in our times there is too much emphasis on 'love' without regard to what is true. I saw on the news lately that New York has legalized same-sex 'marriage' and that there is a gay church here in the Philippines that are officiating this kind of 'union' even if this is against our civil and church laws. I am inclined to think that this is where you might be coming from. In this case, we need to remind everyone of the truth that gay marriage is clearly not a part of God's original plan for us, that it is something of our own making in defiance to His will, yet on the other hand we need to embrace people who are struggling with same-sex attraction and convince them of the fact that they like anyone else deserve to be loved and respected, and that the Church cares for them and desires only their ultimate good. We in Courage along with other faith-based ministries here in the Philippines and around the world are proof that the Church truly cares for people struggling with SSA (same-sex attraction).

I hope I was able to enlighten you a bit. It is perfectly okay if you cannot seem to grasp this whole thing all at once. Ask God in your prayers for the gifts of understanding and wisdom. I do not pretend to have all the answers to your doubts and questions. God alone, who is Love and Truth, can give you 'THE ANSWER'.

In the end, only His unconditional love can heal us and meet our deepest needs.

God bless you.

Peace!

Courage Blog Moderator

Being Saved From Emotional Dependency

This sharing is taken from our Courage e-group. I hope our readers will be able to learn something on how the dynamics of emotional dependency operate between two guys, in this case one in his early 40s and the other in his early 20s. I had old posts on this topic. You can search this blog to find out those articles by using the search box on top.


THE MEETING

I retired from my office job last year and started a small photocopying and bookbinding shop along the university belt here in our province. Here, I met J, a 21-year-old student boarder just across my shop. Initially, he would drop by just to say hi, but eventually the shop became his "tambayan". Then one day he volunteered to be my assistant (during his vacant periods from school) without pay. I assume it was just out of friendship. To compensate him I served him free snacks if he was working at my shop. After closing time, I would also treat him for some beers. He impressed me more when he volunteered again to help in the renovation of the shop. Together we cut lumber, we painted, we polished and refurbished our work area.


THE BEGINNING OF FRIENDSHIP

Then came a situation that really brought me and J close together. I was supposed to close my shop for a couple of months since I had to personally care for my cancer-stricken mother. But, J came again to the rescue. It was coincidence. He had to stop from schooling that semester due to financial constraints (He is the eldest of 3 children of a poor farmer). So my shop continued its operation under his care. Being my employee, he and I had more time to share, business and personal wise since my shop became his home. We discovered we had a lot of things in common - from birth month to nickname, from fave food to fave music. We both loved to sing, to eat spicy sardines, etc. We called each other "idol". We both admired our good looks. He uploaded my pictures in his Facebook account and I did the same. He always makes me laugh with his crazy dancing. I started bringing him along in my social and family functions. Other people would usually mistake us as "mag-ama". (His father is as old as myself). We were loyal textmates too. Whenever one is out of sight, we would text "Ano gawa mo? or "Asan ka?". He would initiate at times "Ptapos na klas ko... pnta na me jan." We were monitoring each other. Our mornings began with "gd AMs" and our nights closed with "gud nyts!" consistently. One time I haven't texted him back, he called just to check on me. Isn't that flattering?

After my mother died, our relationship became even closer since I had more time to spend with J at the shop. We shared meals together. We shared jokes and teased each other like kids complete with surprises! My shop was always filled with our hearty laughter. Ang ingay daw namin sabi nga mga kapitbahay, lalo pag nag-iinuman na kami. We were a picture of ideal best friends despite of our age gap.


THE BED TIME STORIES

I allowed J to have his holiday every weekend so that meant I had to sleep overnight at the shop every weekend while he goes home to his aunt's house located at a nearby barangay or to their hometown. One time before we had or usual "relyebo" we had some beers, and before we know it we had much and it was already late night. He wasn't able to go to his aunt's house and so that was the first night that we shared the bed at the shop. I felt uneasy considering that I already had an "experience" during my 20's (that's another story), but we woke up the following day without any guilt or whatsoever. In another occasion, I volunteered to take his place during a weeknight since I had to supervise an ongoing repair of my machines at the shop but he preferred to stay. That was our second night together...then a third one...and so on. Until one night, I found my self embracing him in bed - just embrace. He did not react violently. In fact, later in same situations, I could cuddle him in my arms as we talked before waking up from bed.


THE JEALOUS FEELING

I guess our closeness have made me selfish in his dealings with other people. Though I never told him, I was jealous whenever he talked with his lady friends or when he flirts with our clients. I felt the same whenever I learned that he spent his holiday night with his "barkada". I was hurt when he didn't inform me of his whereabouts. There were times I had to cry in despair. "Why do I have to feel this way?" I would even ask the Lord. I guess, I was addicted to him. I kept that feeling by myself until one day I have decided that we have to part ways before my feelings get worse, before our friendship gets hurt, before my family gets affected, before I would lose my right perspective. That was one of the most painful decisions I have made in my life. Para bang sinasaksak ko ang aking sarili. I knew all along that my decision would hurt me but I had to do it. In my lonesome, I let my tears flow. At home, it was good that my wife didn't bother to ask me why I was shedding tears while drinking a bottle of beer one late night.


THE SEPARATION

Time came when I had to tell J my decision of letting him go. I didn't muster enough courage to tell him face-to-face so I called him via phone from my house instead. I didn't tell him the real score. I lied to him. I reasoned out that he can better concentrate with his studies during the coming semester if he is a full-time student and besides, I need a full-time helper. He was convinced and he added that he respected my decision. Needless to say, I was in tears again while I was breaking the news to him. The pain was almost unbearable.

The following day, we did our usual work routine in my shop minus the usual laughter we shared. Before we parted that night I asked his assurance if he really empathized with my decision to which he replied positively. I promised to help him in any way I could even if he will no longer work with me. I instructed him to read my parting words in his e-mail inbox.

I thought that was the end for us...I was wrong.


THE CONTINUATION

Our separation took another twist. Our closeness leveled up.

His class schedule the following school sem did not deter J from dropping by my shop...everyday. My new helper even commented that J would at times even wake him up early morning just to groom himself before going to school. He would also take a bath as if he were still a mainstay in the shop. He would also leave some of his things (his worn shirt, his school bag, shoes, etc.) as if always to say that "I'll be back." It's as if he has never left my shop. I tolerated him though as a sign of my gratitude for his services before, but deep inside I really liked that too. Common in our text messages now, by the way, is the text lingo for kiss, "mwah!".

Even my weekends at the shop were not spared from the presence of J. Sometimes I would invite him for a night out to the bars. Sometimes, he would assist me in my job, then it will lead to sharing of some beers after work and would end us in bed together. Sometimes, he makes it up very early Sunday mornings with the "alibi" of doing some rush photocopying jobs, but just the same I would invite him to bed before day breaks.


THE FALL

I am just but human. The temptation was too close to resist. My weakness was just a breath away. My embraces before advanced to moderate kissing of his back, neck and cheeks. Again, he didn't resist, but likewise he didn't respond to my advances. I never forced myself to him so that was just "it."

In one of our night's out, when he provoked me again of his usual teasing question of "parang may gusto kang sabihin sa kin...?", I haven't controlled myself from telling him that I'm falling in love for him. In my drunkenness, I am not sure how he reacted to that, but I can remember that he accompanied me to my shop and made sure that I was okay before he left. The following day, when I failed to text back to his successive messages of "Gud AM"s "Ano gawa mo?", "San ka na?", he asked me why I was no longer texting back. I replied that I was just busy. The truth was I was ashamed. The following weeks later, I found the courage to ask him if my expression of admiration was alright with him. He replied that it is okay. I took that as "it's okay if you love me, just don't expect me to respond the same way to you." I said I was sorry if I felt that way, but I was just being honest with my feelings for him. We went on with our usual dealings the succeeding days. He didn't change, I guess.


THE AWAKENING

Back in my mind, I know that whatever that J and I was sharing has to end. I prayed that the Lord guide me to run away from that situation...again (as He has guided me during the same two previous experiences.) I was praying for a job abroad to keep a distance from J. (As in my previous experiences, distance aborted my forbidden relationships.) The Lord answered my prayer in another way. The space for my shop which was lent to me free of charge by my aunt was sold. Three of my friends offered me a space to transfer my business into. They were ideal business spaces since they were located in busy commercial areas. One friend offered a low rental based on my actual profit from the start of the business just in case. The other one offered it free for the first year. But I've made up my mind. I will transfer my business right beside my house. It's not a commercial area. It's not even a populated residential area. It's far from J's school. Some people I know might have wondered at my back...'What's up with me?' Only the Lord and a close confidante knows my real reason - to keep a distance from J and eventually bring back my pure friendship feeling for him. On the other hand, I'm perceiving it as a chance to work closely with my wife and my family. After spending years and years of prioritizing my office work, I deem it necessary to make it up with my family now. It sounds so ideal, right? Baka magka-award pa ako sa Courage nito. But it's scary at times. What if my business fails?


THE CHALLENGE

My business has been operating in my compound for more than a month now. It's a low start but it's slowly picking up. J drops by once in a while. Our text exchanges have mellowed down. No more "gd AMs", no more "gud nyts" and "mwahs".

It's been a week now that he hasn't dropped by my shop nor even texted me a message. I still have that feeling of longing for J. I badly miss his company. I just wish him well and hope that he still considers me his friend. I'm wondering if our picture together is still in his wallet or if our fave songs are still saved in his cellphone. A part of me is rejoicing for my strategy is working, but another part is crying.

I am entrusting everything to the Lord. I've never felt so dependent to the Lord than now. The Lord knows how heavy is my burden. I may look well on the outside, but I am hurt deep inside. As I worry on the fate of my business, I am also trying my best to let go of a misguided friendship.

So help me, God.


SELF EVALUATION

You hit it right. What happened between me and J is emotional dependency.

I felt good while I was in the company of J. I found someone who admires me. At the age of 43, when my good looks is starting to dip, I felt uplifted whenever J teases "Gwapo mo ah!". Somehow, I also saw myself in him when I was his age (though I admit, he looks better than me). The timing of our meeting played a role too. He came into my life when I just retired from my office job. His presence made my adjustment to a new routine easier to bear since he always provided the fun and laughter I needed.

In J's part, I assume he saw in me the qualities he was looking for from his father. From his story, he spent his childhood years from one family to another since his parents can hardly support their daily needs. That meant his formative years were spent with his uncles and other relatives. I suppose his self-esteem was uplifted when we worked together. He was proud of me since he would always introduce me to his friends and relatives that I meet as "Si Heal..dating Boss sa...". His father, whom I have met once at my shop, confirmed how J talked about me with high regard. The special care I've shown to him played a big part too, I guess. At first, it was the employer in me who was caring for his needs (para magsipag sa trabaho.) But later, I must admit, I was doing it to make him happy and to get a good impression from him. Ipinagtitimpla ko na siya ng kape during our breaks. Common in my text messages to him were "Kumain k n b?", "Ingat sa pag-uwi", "Wag k pbasa sa ulan ha", "TC coz I C". One time, I verbally told him.."Next to my family, is you."

It's not easy to forget what we have been through. I bet it's a beautiful friendship. It's just unfortunate I have spoiled it. J never said a word about it, but i have already said my apologies. If he only knows, I've made an effort to part ways with him before I make more mistakes. I'd rather kill my feelings for him than lose our friendship. I just wish he's not really keeping an ill feeling against me. I just wish he can still consider me his friend. I still have not erased his last text message when he went home for vacation last week, "pauwi na aq". How symbolic...he' s going home to his real father.

I'm going home too... to my real FATHER.

-oOo-

Thank you, brother, for sharing your story. I honor you for bringing this out into the open and for being totally honest with your struggle. You are not alone in this situation. I commend you for doing the right thing and for establishing boundaries in your relationship with this guy. I am glad you have made a personal decision to come back to the Father even if it is difficult and hard for you. I know in the end all your sacrifices will bear fruit in God's time. Personally, I believe you can still be friends with J, but this time around allow Him to put order in your chaotic relationships. Next to Him, you have an obligation towards your family and your wife. When your relationships are aright and in accordance to God's will for your life, everything will fall into place...including your friendship with J.

We are one with you in your struggle.

Help, I'm Falling For My Classmate!

Carlos (not his real name) is a fellow journeyer. We came to know each other through an online support group and we continue to support each other at least through e-mails and texts. With his consent, I am publishing his story in the Courage Philippines blog in the hopes of reaching out to those who may be struggling with emotional dependency, which is a common struggle for people with SSA, along with some advice from Bro. Rollie as well.


Good day friends in Christ.

This is Carlos from the Philippines. I am 23 years of age and a member of this group for almost a year now but due to time constraints mainly due to school, I am not really active in the group.

Here’s my story. I have this friend in school whom I realized I am having emotional dependency with. We realized that we have so many things in common. We both listen to the same type of songs, we never had girlfriends, and we both love talking about profound things. In addition to this, we spend so much time together since we eat lunch together in school. There came to a point when I realized I got so attached to him. Worse, I realized I am falling for him. I sometimes even envy the people whom he is talking to. How selfish of me. I just see myself in him and I felt so comfortable being with him and I have no pretentions when I am with him. I have not told him about my SSA issues for fear that he might ignore me.

Since many people in this group may have experienced similar situations, can you please tell how you were able to overcome your ED issues? How must I approach him? I cannot avoid him since basically we are ‘stuck’ in school together.

I really want to get over this feeling. I realized that I am just hurting myself in the long run. I do not want to love him more than a friend. How do we develop genuine male friendships without any selfishness?

I realized that I may have developed this longing for male bonding since, as in most of us here had insufficient male attachment to our fathers. Moreover, I realized that I usually had female friends prior to meeting him.

You can email me personally at so as not to flood the groups: _____@yahoo.com

Thanks a lot and may God bless everyone in this group.


Carlos

-oOo-

Hi Carlos!

I received your story through Bro. _____'s initiative.

I am Rollie, currently the president of Courage Philippines. I am honored that you have entrusted to us your story. Rest assured that we will treasure it. Hope you won't mind if I share a few thoughts about your problem.

Emotional dependency runs in a relationship that is built EXCLUSIVELY between two persons. The amount of time we spend together strengthens our bond with the other, until such time that we are unable to see ourselves apart from the other. I do not want to sound too simplistic about it, but the key word to the healing of emotional dependency is NON-EXCLUSIVITY.

You don't have to avoid seeing the other person, you just have to try your best to spend time and develop your other friendships - even with your family. Meet his other male friends, or reach out to other male friends yourself. And that would mean really being there with the whole totality of you in every relationship that you are developing - and not just physically being there in family gatherings or group fellowships but your mind and heart is wandering about how your "friend" is doing at that specific time. Easier said than done for some, especially if the bond has really become strong. But it is not impossible - it takes a matter of time and effort and a heart of realizations that emotional dependency is actually relational idolatry - when we replace another person in God's place.

You may also have to develop more your relationship with God IN SOLITUDE, who would help you in weaning from your dependent relationship and start to fully grow as a mature Christian. See that if we are entangled with another person in relational idolatry, we stop pursuing our dreams and our growth as a human person (apart from that person). We do not see our worth apart from him or her. And that is the goal of Jesus - as we come closer to Him, He will make us realize the profound mystery of our being and existence, and the magnificent plan that He has for each one of us! When we are silent, God speaks to us!

You may explore the possibility of belonging to a community of Christians - who will help you come closer to Jesus, and who will help you develop intimate male friendships (which SSA male persons long for). Find one community in your parish and try to see how you may be able to join.

Since you are also in Manila, may I suggest that you also join us in our meetings in Courage, which happens every Sunday afternoon. Please feel free to contact me at 09285066974 and I would be glad to assist you in attending the meetings.

Read more about emotional dependency from certain articles in our blog.

God bless and hope to hear from you soon!

+ Rollie

-oOo-

From the Mailbox

Please Help!

Hi, my name is _____. I am not Catholic, but I am a Methodist whose eyes have wandered too far. I would not consider myself gay, but more bisexual, and I know that I am sinning, and really want to change it, but no matter how much I pray, or do anything, I cannot shake the spirit that is holding its ground deep inside of me. Any help that you have to offer will make me so thankful.


Hi ____!

Thanks for this e-mail. By the way, are you living in the Philippines or in another country? I'm here in Manila, Philippines.

As you may already know, I belong to a support group Courage. Like you, I also felt confused and lost. I figured out I cannot really do this on my own that is why I joined the group. The group has been a great source of help to me both spiritually and emotionally. Being able to share your struggles with other fellow strugglers is a great help.

Prayer is of great necessity in our battle, but I also encourage you to do some work in facing your issues. Same-sex attraction is a very complicated issue. It may help to read books and resources that will facilitate your understanding about the nature of homosexuality and begin to work from there.

I don't know if you are ready to join a support group near your place, but I highly recommend you do so.

Check out our blog and you will find many helpful links there.

In particular, you may also want to visit these sites:

www.narth.com
www.peoplecanchange.com
www.gaytostraight.org

You may want to read the book too of Frank Worthen entitled This Way Out. It's a very insightful book on how to deal with SSA.

I hope I was able to help you with the above. Do keep in touch.

God bless you.

CP Webmaster


Thank you so much for your concern, I have looked at most of the sites that you suggested, and they are so much help.

Sincerely,
____

P.S. By the way I am from the US.

-oOo-

Confused??

Hello!

My name is _____, I am a 43-year-old man who has ALWAYS known myself to be a gay man. I have always known to myself I was different at a very young age and embraced my sexuality at the age of 16. I have always been attracted to men and feel I always will. However, now that I am 43, I'm not sure that this is where I want to stay. I feel that I have an opportunity to explore more and although I know I am attracted to men I can't help but wonder what my life might be if I were to fall in love with a woman. There is no particular woman I have in mind; it is only the thought of how my life might be.

I don't know if it is because I have been alone for quite some time and all my relationships with men have proven to be insignificant. I at times doubt that what I thought was love with men is in fact love or just lust. I have ALWAYS thought how wonderful it would be to fall in love with a man and have a significant love relationship that possesses more than lust, but have yet to experience that. Although my views on gay marriage are not those of a typical gay man, I find myself quite confused. I have considered counseling but have yet to take that step. Please help with any information or ideas you may have for me.

Thank you,

Gay and yearning for more...


Hi _____!

I am Rollie of Courage Philippines. I got your email from our webmaster. Hope it would be okay if I also pour my thoughts.

Like you, I was also trapped in the gay world full of pretensions and illusions. I thought I was happy but I was not. There came a time I questioned if I am going to live on like that for the rest of my life. And so around the year 2001, I began my journey of painful realizations about my past and of wonderful healing of my core being as a man. As I begin to embrace my new found manhood, slowly I began to notice attractions towards women - which never in my dreams have happened before. Today is the birthday of that girl of whom I am attracted to, and I am building up my friendship with her in preparation to a probable courtship.

The journey to healing and wholeness is difficult, but it is possible. Hope is never lost. We have the power to choose our path.

It takes a decisive decision to change direction, and it would take days, months or even years for us to firm up that decision. There are painful sacrifices to make, but our assurance of God the Father's love encourages us to press on.

Take it one day at a time, one moment at a time, one problem at a time. If you wish to join us in our journey, you may contact me at 09285066974 or 09178427434. Please indicate who you are for proper recognition.

Rest assured of my heartfelt prayers for you even now. God loves you!

+ Rollie

-oOo-

RE: Courage Philippines Blog

To Whom It May Concern,

My name is Jaime Laviena. I am an Editor for Christian.com, a social network made specifically for Christians, by Christians. We embarked on this endeavor to offer the entire Christian community an outlet to join together and better spread the good word of Christianity. Christian.com has many great features like Christian TV, prayer requests, finding a church, receiving church updates and advice. We have e-mailed you to collaborate with you and your blog to help spread the good word of Christianity. I look forward to your response regarding this matter. Thanks!

God Bless

| Jaime Laviena | Christian.com |
| 1 International Blvd.| Mahwah, NJ 07495 |


Hi Jaime!

I am Rollie de los Reyes II of Courage Philippines. I am currently leading the support group, and I am happy that you became interested in partnering with us. Through our blog, we hope to reach out to other persons with same-sex attractions (SSA) or commonly known as homosexuals - that there is an alternative to the perverse homosexual lifestyle, and that life is a Christian life of chastity and holiness brought about only through Jesus Christ.

Please inform us how we could be of help. I have included in our email loop our website designer expert - he was instrumental into making our blogspot a reality for us as he is currently the one updating all the contents of the website.

God bless and keep you!

+ Rollie
www.couragephilippines.blogspot.com
www.pffp.webs.com


Hi Jaime!

I will add your site to our blog. I love your site and your zeal in spreading the Word of God and reaching out to others through the use of social networking sites. We are one with you in your online evangelization efforts.

God bless.

CP Webmaster

-oOo-

On Pro-Gay Politicians

This is a letter that was made by Courage Philippines head Rolando delos Reyes II on the issue of politicians supporting Ang Ladlad party list this upcoming May elections in particular Joey de Venecia III, Atty. Adel Tamano, Risa Hontiveros-Baraquel, and Liza Maza. A copy of this letter was sent to both gentlemen mentioned above, but so far only Mr. De Venecia III has replied back to us. As one can expect the argument centers around "discrimination" of gay people, but I bet this guy has not heard of the principle of just versus unjust discrimination. So, am I going to vote for these guys? The obvious answer is NO. I hope you won't take that as a discriminatory statement.


Mr. De Venecia,

I am writing as a concerned citizen and as a leader of a support group for persons with same-sex attractions Courage Philippines (www.couragephilippines.blogspot.com).

I am saddened by the fact that you openly support the LGBT group Ang Ladlad. Please note the following objections we have against this group, and know that because of your support to them, we and our allies shall be campaigning against you.

1. LADLAD cannot be classified as a sectoral party under R.A.7941 since they do not represent any of the following sectors enumerated in Section 5 :labor, peasant, fisherfolk, urban poor, indigenous cultural communities, elderly, handicapped, women, youth, veterans, overseas workers, and professionals.

2. LADLAD cannot be classified as a sectoral organization, or a group of citizens or a coalition of groups of citizens who share similar physical attributes or characteristics, employment, interests or concerns. This is because our groups (Courage, Bagong Pag-asa, AfterCall, Ichtus Community, Gentlemen of the Lord - www.presentsanctuary.com and www.bagongpagasa. org) exist. We are support groups and organizations of persons with same-sex attractions (or what popular media calls homosexuals) , but we do not share the same interests and concerns of the group LadLad. This is because we believe that we are not born gay, and that we can change our character and behavior since homosexuality is a product of deep-seated psycho-spiritual developmental concerns which can be addressed properly. Ladlad, on the other hand, believes that homosexuality is inborn and so they are pushing for the legalization of the homosexual lifestyle. Though we may have similar attributes, Ladlad does not represent us.

3. LADLAD may be a political party, since their desire to be represented in Congress is to speed up the passage of the Anti-Discrimination Bill (currently House Bill 956 and Senate Bill 11) pending in Congress, and which our groups have been fighting against in both and national and local arenas (the latest hearing of HB956 happened last December 16, 2008 where three of our groups including myself are represented) . This is clearly part of Ladlad's agenda (http://www.angladla d.org/about. asp), and together with their desire to repeal the Anti-Vagrancy Law, they will attempt to legalize every homosexual behavior in the Philippines, and possibly introduce same-sex marriage in our country. Please note that the bills they are endorsing have a repealing clause that will incapacitate all our criminal laws. Through these laws, homosexuals will have a freehand on any behavior they choose.

4. LADLAD does not represent a group that is marginalized by society. I argue that because homosexuality is something that is vaguely understood by the people, discrimination springs from ignorance and misconceptions (quoting Hon. Etta Rosales on her introductory note for HB634), and not from a malicious intent of judgment. After all, persons with good experiences with homosexuals tend to love homosexuals - notwithstanding the efforts of the gay community to desensitize the public through their independent "gay" films like DayBreak, Dose, Ang Lihim ni Antonio, just to name a few. If truly the gay community is marginalized, gay parades, gay beauty pageants, gay films, gay magazines and other manifestation of "gayness" will not be allowed in Philippine society. But the fact is they are accepted by the public, and the true cases of homosexual discrimination may be caused by poverty or ignorance.

5. LADLAD represents a behavior-based group, not like the other sectors enumerated in Section 5 of RA 7941. They do not rest on substantial distinctions (People v. Cayat) that have relative permanency (such as the elderly or women), but only on superficial difference that changes relatively in time. As such, they may represent a group that may recklessly impose their own behavior standards on the public. They represent a group that promotes and celebrates the homosexual lifestyle - cruising, gay-bars, same-sex relationships and sexual activities. I don't think the law (RA7941) was created for the purpose of including behavior-based groups. If you will allow LadLad to be a candidate for partylist, then we should also allow shoppers, car enthusiasts, pedophiles and mountain hikers to file their candidacies as well.

We shall all be praying for you as you make your decision to continue supporting them or not.

Rest assured that our groups are here to provide compassion and care for persons with same-sex attractions. We owe it to God who reveals to us the exact nature of our wrongs and who we really are in His eyes.

May God bless and keep you always!

Sincerely Yours,


Rolando C. delos Reyes II
President
Courage Philippines


*************************************************************************************


Dear Mr. de los Reyes,

Thank you for your letter expressing your concern for my support for Ang Ladlad. While I respect your opinion, I feel that you and your group may have some misconceptions about the support that I extend them.

While it is true that the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender group have achieved tremendous strides in receiving public acceptance for their chosen lifestyle over the past few decades, we cannot deny that there is still a large segment of our countrymen who would still openly or secretly discriminate against them.

The Armed Forces and the Philippine National Police are just two examples, but there are countless others. There are still many fields where openly gay Filipinos do not find acceptance, including professional and amateur sports, national and local politics, and civic organizations, among others.

From my standpoint, any form of discrimination against the gay community because they may look or act a little differently from what we call "normal" behavior is simply unacceptable. I will not engage your organization in a debate over whether homosexuality is an inborn or developed condition. But I know you will agree with me that no gay person anywhere in the world should be deprived of his or her basic human rights.

In the end, it is the Filipino electorate which will decide whether or not Ang Ladlad is deserving of party-list representation in the House of Representatives. You and I and some 40 million Filipino voters will have the chance to determine this on election day.

I hope this clarifies my stand on Ang Ladlad's bid for party-list representation. We may disagree on this one area, but I am sure there are many more where we share a common stand. I hope we will have an opportunity to work together some day.

With my best regards to you and your organization,

I remain

Very Truly Yours,

joey de venecia III

"Sent via BlackBerry from Smart"

*************************************************************************************

Comment:

In my personal opinion, Mr. De Venecia's support for Ang Ladlad is solely anchored on the "discrimination issue" and is devoid of real knowledge of what the gay agenda really stands for. I hope he is not riding on the issue of "discrimination" as a means to gain sympathy votes from the public at large who unfortunately is largely misinformed and equally ignorant of the matter as well.

In his reply above, he quoted the AFP and PNP among many as "discriminatory" against the gay community. May I suggest that he peruse this article regarding that issue. You see Mr. De Venecia III, entering the military profession is not, I repeat, NOT a constitutional right of every citizen in this country. Certain qualifications and criteria have to be met before you can be even allowed to train in military schools and this of course does not constitute an "unjust discrimination" towards anybody who cannot make it there simply because the military profession demands a certain level of physical, emotional, and psychological fitness for you to be of service. Can you imagine perhaps a wheelchair-bound person engaging in mortal combat with the enemies of the state? In the above example, do you then find it "discriminatory"to forbid physically disabled persons to join the military?

According to the DADT (Don't ask, don't tell) policy, accepting openly gay persons in the military "would create an unacceptable risk to the high standards of morale, good order and discipline, and unit cohesion that are the essence of military capability." Perhaps the ultimate question is - how can admission of gay men and women in the military and police service make it a better and stronger institution than it is now? Do you honestly believe that "homosexual behaviors" are compatible with military service? Don't ask, don't lie.

*************************************************************************************

In response to Mr. De Venecia III's reply above, Brother Rollie sent him this e-mail as a counter rebuttal and a lecture on what would be the possible scenario should Ang Ladlad be allowed representation in Congress:


Dear Mr. De Venecia,

Thank you so much for graciously replying to your email. I could see that you have a genuine concern over the people.

However, I would like to direct you to the two platforms of the Ang Ladlad partylist and enumerate the reasons why we oppose such platforms to be implemented in our nation.

1. Support for the Anti-Discrimination Bill that gives LGBT Filipinos equal opportunities in employment and equal treatment in schools, hospitals, restaurants, hotels, entertainment centers, and government offices.

@ We believe this bill is the wrong answer to the right question, because of the following reasons
* There is no wide-scale discrimination against homosexual persons in the Philippines that would necessitate a nationwide legislation of non-discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity

* Cases of discrimination of homosexuals is not due to the persons themselves but to the behavior that they exhibited (or a collective knowledge of behaviors of homosexual persons) – which in authentic criminal law should be judged as good or bad accordingly

* The terms Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity are political terms that only advances the gay agenda and are not recognized in binding principles by international laws

* The Anti-discrimination bill may be used to incriminate people who does not approve of the homosexual lifestyle and behavior


2. Re-filing of the bill to repeal the Anti-Vagrancy Law that some unscrupulous policemen use to extort bribes from gay men without ID cards;

@ We believe that this will just legitimate homosexual persons performing sexual acts in public like movie houses and parks etc.
This is the main reason why gays are implicated using the anti-vagrancy law. Do we mean to put an exception to homosexual activities done in public places?


Please remember that we, members of Courage and other ex-gay ministries, and the members of Ang Ladlad and pro-gay groups, are situated in the like manner since we both experience same-sex attractions. Our difference lies in the choices that we made and how these choices affect not only lives but also the lives of other people as well. Ang Ladlad does not embody our vision, since they would like to implement a non-binding document called Yogyakarta Principles that seeks to legitimize homosexuality by doing the following legislative measures (among others):

1. Repeal criminal and other legal provisions that prohibit or are, in effect, employed to prohibit consensual sexual activity among people of the same sex who are over the age of consent, and ensure that an equal age of consent applies to both same-sex and different-sex sexual activity;

2. Take all necessary legislative, administrative and other measures to ensure that procedures exist whereby all State-issued identity papers which indicate a person’s gender/sex — including birth certificates, passports, electoral records and other documents — reflect the person’s profound self-defined gender identity;

3. Take all necessary legislative, administrative and other measures to ensure the right of each person, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity, to enjoy the private sphere, intimate decisions, and human relations, including consensual sexual activity among persons who are over the age of consent, without arbitrary interference;

4. Repeal any law that prohibits or criminalises the expression of gender identity, including through dress, speech or mannerisms, or that denies to individuals the opportunity to change their bodies as a means of expressing their gender identity;

5. Release all those held on remand or on the basis of a criminal conviction, if their detention is related to consensual sexual activity among persons who are over the age of consent, or is related to gender identity;

6. Take all necessary legislative, administrative and other measures to ensure the right to found a family, including through access to adoption or assisted procreation (including donor insemination) , without discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity;

Do you support these possible legislative measures, Mr. De Venecia? Do you not see the extent of influence that Ang Ladlad seeks by running for Congress to implement these measures in our country? Please do reflect carefully on each of these measures and share us your thoughts. Would you still be supporting Ang Ladlad with these in mind? We would be awaiting your reply. Thank you.

Rolando C. delos Reyes II
President
Courage Philippines

Lessons From a Conference

This is a short letter by a medical doctor who attended a conference conducted by the The Catholic Physicians Guild of the Philippines (CPGP). The theme of the conference was The Family: Seedbed of Love and Communication and one of the topics discussed was about homosexuality which was facilitated by Bro. Rollie.


Dear _____,

Thank you very much for inviting me to a very spiritual and morally uplifting event yesterday. Yesterday's discusion was very infomative, from the seriousness of Dra. Edna's topic on marriage, Mr. Rolando's topic on homosexuality, and Drs. William & Salve's What Children Need from Their Parents to the funny and entertaining lectures of Mr. Edgardo and Mr. Edwin on SAFE and Growing up with Dad.

Although I still don't have my own family, yesterday's conference taught me on things to watch out for in the future. Dra. Edna's lecture on marriage gave me insights on why marriages last and why they fail. And knowing the Three Principles in Marriage by heart would constantly remind us during times of despair in married life, why it is important to love each other more.

My eyes have been opened to issues I was not even aware of, especially the one on Homosexuality by Mr. Rolando. I found it very interesting that they have identified the stages of the development of persons with SSA (same-sex attraction) through 5 stages. The stand of the church on homosexuality was revealed to me yesterday and I found that very enlightening as well. Before that discussion, I didn't even know that there were homosexuals that strive to be chaste and even revert back to heterosexuality and even help other homosexuals as well.

I am truly honored to be part of such a wonderful event and I hope I can help in any way to support your cause.

Attached to this email is my essay on "How do you measure love?".

Once again I thank you very much for your goodness. May God bless you, Dra. Edna and your family and I also pray for the success of the Catholic Physician's Guild of the Philippines.

Yours truly,

Dominic N. Velasco MD

Final Letter of Alessandro Serenelli

Yesterday, July 6, the Universal Church celebrated the feast of St. Maria Goretti, virgin and martyr of purity, a remarkable girl who chose death rather than to give in to the advances of her murderer, Alessandro Serenelli. She is a stark contrast in our time where promiscuity seems to be the norm and chastity is held with so much contempt and ridicule. Much has been written and known about this saint and model of chastity, but we must also remember that Alessandro, though a confessed murderer, led a life of repentance after his conversion through the intercession of St. Maria Goretti.

I do think that little attention is paid on the saint’s other outstanding virtue which is charity. There is something so heroic about how she practiced this virtue that is not too common among children of her age.

First, Maria Goretti’s charity is supernatural. Maria steadfastly refused the advances of Alessandro protesting that what he wanted to do was a mortal sin and that it would bring him to hell. Even in a dangerous situation like this, Maria gave more importance to the soul of her attacker rather than her own safety. She did this out of her great love for Jesus and fidelity to His commandments. I do think this speaks volumes about Maria's level of spiritual maturity at such a young age and it definitely speaks praises of her parents who instilled in her these godly virtues. Secondly, while she was dying in the hospital, Maria expressed forgiveness for her attacker and stated that she wanted to have him in heaven with her. Now, this is really something. Who among us can offer forgiveness so readily when even feelings of resentment seem too hard for us to let go at the slightest injury or contempt? The story does not end here. Some time after her death, Maria appeared to Alessandro, offering him 14 flowers – representing the number of times he stabbed her – and consequently this vision made a huge impact on Alessandro's disposition, who during his period of imprisonment was unrepentant and uncommunicative. Even beyond the grave, she was thinking and praying for Alessandro’s conversion. Indeed, she practiced the virtue of charity to the highest degree, for what can be any greater act of charity than to desire the salvation of the soul of your enemy?

On the other hand, Alessandro asked for forgiveness and lived a life of repentance as a Capuchin laybrother until his death in 1970. I think we can all relate to this man in his struggles. His life is a message of hope to all of us especially to those who feel they have done so many "unforgivable" sins in their past. The good news is that there is redemption and that it is never too late to do what is right. Below is a short letter he wrote on his deathbed that I want to share with you all.


"I'm nearly 80 years old. I'm about to depart this life. Looking back at my past, I can see that in my early youth, I chose a bad path which led me to ruin myself.

My behavior was influenced by print, mass-media and bad examples which are followed by the majority of young people without even thinking. And I did the same. I was not worried.

There were a lot of generous and devoted people who surrounded me, but I paid no attention to them because a violent force blinded me and pushed me toward a wrong way of life.

When I was 20 years-old, I committed a crime of passion. Now, that memory represents something horrible for me. Maria Goretti, now a Saint, was my good Angel, sent to me through Providence to guide and save me.

I still have impressed upon my heart her words of rebuke and of pardon. She prayed for me, she interceded for her murderer. Thirty years of prison followed. If I had been of age, I would have spent all my life in prison. I accepted to be condemned because it was my own fault.

Little Maria was really my light, my protectress; with her help, I behaved well during the 27 years of prison and tried to live honestly when I was again accepted among the members of society.

The Brothers of St. Francis, Capuchins from Marche, welcomed me with angelic charity into their monastery as a brother, not as a servant. I've been living with their community for 24 years, and now I am serenely waiting to witness the vision of God, to hug my loved ones again, and to be next to my Guardian Angel and her dear mother, Assunta.

I hope this letter that I wrote can teach others the happy lesson of avoiding evil and of always following the right path, like little children. I feel that religion with its precepts is not something we can live without, but rather it is the real comfort, the real strength in life and the only safe way in every circumstance, even the most painful ones of life."

Letter from an Atenean Student

Last week, I received an e-mail from an Atenean student who is doing a thesis on the phenomenon of Catholic blogging. The Courage Philippines blog was chosen as one of the participants in his study and I want to share with you his letter and my answers to his questionnaire.


Dear Blogger,

Good Day!

I am Miguel Ramirez, a student of MA Communication in the Ateneo de Manila University, and an alumnus of Don Bosco Canlubang. Currently, I am doing a paper on the phenomenon of Catholic Blogging, and its legitimacy and effectiveness for “online” catechesis. With your permission, I hope I can include your enriching blog as one of those which I will be citing in this paper.

It has been implied in this study that spirituality has slowly penetrated the vast internet community. With this, a “general evangelization” is assumed to be already taking place online.

However, as Catholics, the Catechism holds great importance in propagating our faith, and it seems that a culture of neglect has been given to these important tenets. As citizens of a highly online world, it is our concern to inculturate the Catechism to reach more and more readers around the world, specifically through blogging as a tool. But the question is: How effective and legitimate is blogging in propagating the truths of the Catechism?

Here are ten (10) questions which I beg you would take time out to reflect and answer. Please feel free to leave your comments at the bottom. Thank you!


1. Blog name.

Courage Philippines (www.couragephilippines.blogspot.com)

2. Around what date/year did you start this blog?

I started this blog February of this year.

3. How often do you update your blog?

I update our blog weekly and because we are all busy people, I make use of a blogger feature wherein I can schedule blog postings ahead of time.

4. What is the purpose/mission of your blog?

The primary purpose of the Courage blog is to propagate awareness of the Catholic Church’s teaching homosexuality. But in our blog, it’s not all about SSA (same-sex attraction). You will also find links to numerous Catholic websites and to topics such as human sexuality, chastity, and psychospiritual sources because we believe in the total development of the human person.

5. Describe your ideal target audience.

Our ideal target audience is a person struggling with SSA, who might be into the gay lifestyle or just confused about his sexual identity. We as a support group aims to give spiritual support and guidance to these people. Our blog has something for everyone and is not just confined to persons with SSA. We have a “goldmine” of resources in our blog that you can use to enrich your emotional, psychological, and spiritual life and we strive to keep the blog up to date.

6. Do you consider your blog Catechetical in nature, yes or no?

Partly yes and partly no.

a. Have you posted/shared/discussed articles from the Catechism? If you have, please insert a link to a sample of these posts.

Yes. Here is the link: http://couragephilippines.blogspot.com/2009/03/pastoral-care-of-homosexual-persons.html I must add though that if you will scroll down the sidebar, you will find direct links to catechetical materials. This is so in order to make it always visible and just a click away to our blog readers. You can find this under the sections of Faith Matters, Sacraments, and Homosexuality and the Catholic Church.

b. What are your sources as regards this Catechetical information?

Online texts of the Catechism of the Catholic Church and some Catholic websites.

c. If your blog does not contain articles/posts from the Catechism, what do you think is your blog’s unique means of spreading the Catholic faith?

Apart from catechetical sources, my numerous links to other Catholic websites and my live EWTN TV and Radio feeds. Now, that’s 24/7 round-the-clock authentic Catholic evangelization online!

7. From general comments and feedbacks, describe the readers of your blog. (Gender, age, social class, educational attainment, occupation, etc.)

I do not have a solid reference for this but most of my readers I guess are fellow bloggers like myself – stay at home moms, students, professionals, OFWs, foreigners, and generally people from all walks of life. If you will notice on my sidebar near the bottom of the page, you can see the exact numbers of people visiting my blog and their nationalities. I have had visitors from all over the world spread across six continents with the majority coming from the Philippines of course, followed by the US, Indonesia, India, Malaysia, Great Britain, Canada, Singapore, Australia, Norway, and even from Islamic countries like Saudi Arabia, UAE, and Qatar.

8. Modesty aside, what do you think has been the most uplifting feedback given by a reader to your blog? (Please give the comment) Who was this person: a family member, personal friend, online friend, an anonymous reader, etc.?

Since I started blogging here, I received quite a number of very good comments (and not so good ones too). You can visit this link to read their reviews: www.linkreferral.com/reviewlist.pl?reviewee=226530&category=social&subcategory=general&startrow=0 So far, the most uplifting comment I have received came from an anonymous reader: “Love your blog. I have many friends who struggle with the issues you presented on your blog. I will definitely tell them about your blog and encourage them to visit you. It's so inspiring and has a lot of interesting content on there. Good work and good luck.”

9. Do you think that Catholic blogs are a legitimate and effective source of Catechism in today’s technologically savvy society? Why? Why not?

Yes. I have visited other Catholic blogs whose contents range from purely orthodox matters to inspirational and gospel-centered ones. Some blogs tackle day-to-day issues affecting the Church, etc. These blogs are a legitimate source of catechetical instructions as well as information on current events and issues affecting the life of the Church. Catechesis is a joint responsibility of both the priests and the laity, but unfortunately many of us are lacking in catechetical instructions. One great thing about online catechesis is that people can access them “on demand”. Unlike books which you keep tucked away once you finish reading, a blog is updated on a regular basis hence you can follow it continuously (provided it is regularly updated), thereby getting new information every time you visit it. There is always something new to learn and discuss.

10. What factors do you think contribute to the effectiveness of a Catholic Blog in propagating the Catechism? I can enumerate three factors.

(1) Catholic blogs not only present the catechism per se, but provides a venue for discussion and interaction. The reader can post comments and questions about a certain topic which generates a discussion of ideas and interaction between the blogger and blog readers.

(2) A Catholic blog, like any other blog, can be easily accessed by anyone anywhere as long as there is internet connection and this is where Catholic blogs gain an edge over traditional print media such as books. In our highly technological age, internet use has become the primary means of obtaining information and Catholic bloggers utilize this advantage to reach out to more people wherever they are in the world.

(3) Catholic blogs are not limited to the printed word. They can utilize and incorporate multimedia channels like videos, podcasts, audio files, and live TV and radio feeds. These media can be integrated in a blog just like mine and can be very effective as well.


Your Comments:

Hi Migs,

Thanks for including our blog in your thesis. I hope my answers have answered most of your queries about Catholic blogging. If you know people who struggle with SSA, kindly refer them to our blog.

I wish you well in your studies. God bless you.


Please email the questionnaire to _____ on or before May 25, 2009, Monday. Sorry if this came in such a short notice.

Thank you very much for your time and effort! God will bless you a hundredfold!


Sincerely yours,
Miguel F. Ramirez

A Psychogenetics Experience

This is a personal sharing of Bro. Rollie regarding the psychogenetics retreat he attended a couple of months ago. In the Philippines, Fr. Ed Fugoso, SVD, is offering weekend retreats through psychogenetics and Gestalt therapy in the light of the Gospels at the SVD Retreat House in Tagaytay City.

Last March 21-22, 2009 I had the opportunity to be part of a retreat conducted by Fr. Ed Fugoso SVD called "Psychogenetics and Gestalt Therapy". I shared this experience with a
group of dubbers on national television. At first I was apprehensive to be part of what I know is an intimate encounter with oneself with complete strangers, but when I got to
talk to some of them during breaks I was to able to befriend most of them and the apprehension left. In a getting-to-know small group session I was able to share my story with
a dubber who also has same-sex attraction (SSA) and so we were comfortable sharing the most intimate parts of our past lives with one another. I shared room with another dubber
who turned out to be a former Singles for Christ member (inactive) and who is a single father raising a daughter. I know then God has arranged for me to be part of this
retreat.

Most of the first day was devoted to learning key concepts about Psychogenetics and the role of our family of origin to our present reactions (especially in stressful
situations) as adults. Having studied guidance and counseling in my masteral studies facilitated my understanding of these concepts (which is best to be discussed in detail
during the retreat itself). In the afternoon we were given an exercise that would help us apply the psychogenetics concepts in our personal lives - tracing relationships
between and with our parents especially in our early years of 0 - 10 years old. Fr. Ed guided us in every step of the exercise, as it was crucial not to commit mistakes due to
misinterpretations or misunderstanding of his instructions. We had to know our own inner selves (inner child, inner parent, inner adult, inner mate, and inner couple) through
the proper accomplishment of the psychogenetics exercise. The exercise was revealing, and I myself was in tears when I realized deep emotions connected to my relationships with
my parents. The day concluded with a beautiful Eucharistic Adoration in Taize where we offered our painful as well as joyful realizations to our Lord. We had some bonding time
together in the small garden where my fellow retreatants and I exchanged ideas about the retreat (I had a good dose of second hand smoke from them that night hehe). Afterwhich
we had to call it a night while some of my scriptwriter-companions worked on their deadlines through the night, while others had to continue talking among themselves in the
corridors of the rooms. My room mate and I chose to go early to bed after an exhausting day (well not after we had our own share of story-telling with each other, until his
daughter called him up through his phone - that's my signal to sleep hehe).

In the morning, the good father then led us to an understanding of Gestalt therapy and how we can use the results of our exercise to "re-program" our cognition to develop
healthier interactions with other people. I have encountered Gestalt in my masteral studies, but it was great to be reminded of the concepts of this therapy that is aimed at
"integration". He then led us to three Gestalt techniques - imagery, role-playing and empty chair - which was a mixed emotion of joy and pain and of being disturbed. We each
had our experience with imagery - and we each had a chance to tell the tale (and the emotions that go along with it) of going back to our past. A volunteer came forward to
experience role-playing and the empty chair technique. He narrated his personal story based on our psychogenetics exercise and we helped him role-play the events of his life. He also had a chance to be processed by Father Ed using the empty chair technique and it was disturbing as I know it was liberating for him (the person was my partner the first day who also had SSA). I commented afterwards that even though I may have studied Gestalt in masteral studies, it was worth noting to see actual implementation of the said therapy, and it just confirmed my belief that this type of therapy is only for someone who is brave enough to be rigorously honest about himself and courageous enough to face the pain accompanying the freedom from certain behavioral patterns. We ended the whole process by a unity song and the celebration of the Mass by the good father.

The whole experience of the retreat gave me a new perspective about therapy and how we could integrate psychology with the practice of our spirituality. It helped me face my issues with my family of origin and I was able to appreciate them more and be thankful for what they have contributed to my life space.

Hope everyone could avail of this great experience! Although I am for a homogeneous grouping (for persons with SSA) in order for rigorous honesty to be attained, especially for persons who may not be comfortable sharing their SSA experiences with complete strangers.

God bless everyone.

Hello, Father!

This is a guest post for Courage by Fr. Bernardo Collera, a Filipino SVD Religious Missionary Priest who used to be assigned in Christ the King Mission Seminary, Quezon City, Philippines. He is a Ph.D. candidate in Counseling Psychology at De La Salle University, Manila. Fr. Collera used to do counseling and psychological work in the seminary and Sarnelli Center for Street Children at the National Shrine of Our Mother of Perpetual Help, Baclaran. He also used to teach Psychology subjects in the seminary and accept counseling and psychological assessment for most clientele. He received his license as a professional guidance counselor on September 28, 2008. [Note: The highlighted portions of the letter are made by Fr. Collera for emphasis.]


Hi _____,

Thanks for introducing yourself, at least your name. I knew about Courage through my classmate _____ (forgot his name na, but he looks bulky and speaks with a soft voice) who was the one who mentioned your group in our classes in DLSU. Since then I have referred people who'd come to confession to look into your group for some support system in their journey towards conversion, meaning abstention from SSA-oriented activities because these have been piercing their well-being. So far, none has come back to me to share their experiences. Well, in confession, people who admit their SSA activities usually stay inside their closets. I just hope they did go to Courage and learned whatever for their own peace of mind and well-being.

As regards your request for me to state my "opinion on what (I) think is the best approach in dealing with people with SSA", I keep the following principles:

1. People with SSA are persons, loved as much as anyone else by God. In Christ Jesus we have been granted back our dignity as beloved. God loves us as we are. Hence, I keep utmost respect for each individual with SSA and treat them the way I treat most people.

2. This is the background of information or bias that I have about gay people if you wish: I noticed, have read (forgot my sources though), and even heard in conferences during my formation years (before priestly or sacerdotal ordination) as well as in academic classes that people with SSA and who actually do SSA-oriented activities do these things because at one point they made a choice to do so and BE SO. They were teased and cajoled to be one because of their effeminate ways. Becoming gay and doing SSA-oriented activities were ways to finally satisfy or fulfill the wishes of people around them. Other motivations for developing such SSA or gay identity included developing "a sense of conquest" over the powerful male who happens to be his object of obsession or desire." I remember the cases mentioned including gay people who pursue sports guys (meaning those who actively play basketball or baseball, those with muscular bodies) as doing so with a view of conquering or becoming more powerful than they who have the body. Especially if these were the guys who bullied him (meaning the SSA or let me just say it - bakla).

In one of the lecture sessions I had with fellow formators, the lecturer mentioned that there are SSA's who have an unconscious desire of developing their own bodies but may be confronting their own sense of helplessness, maybe due to years of being looked down, laughed at, and being socialized the lady-way, as well as the fact that one's body may be really thin and weak. Since the sexal encounter is the only way of getting closer to a person who has the goal of becoming as muscular as possible, this sense of conquest becomes the entry point in the direction of one's bodily development. Sad to say though that homosexual encounters become a stigma that further debilitate the pursuit of the unconscious goal. Homosexual encounters thus became an obstacle rather than steps in the right direction. There is a pleasure component in every sexual activity that usually leads to repeated similar encounters, until the gay and the lover tire off, in pursuit of a deeper angle of the relationship. Hence, I think people with SSA need to look deep into what they get by going into same sex or homosexual encounters (Ano ang nakukuha mo sa pakikipagtalik sa isang katulad mong may kargada?) This is known as the teleological meaning of acts, meaning "every behavior we do always tends towards achieving a sense of homeostasis or sense of balance." (Ang bawat kilos, isip, gawi o kahit na pakiramdam ng bawat isa sa atin ay laging nakaumang (directed towards) sa isang nais maabot), the goal or purpose or reason for behavior which provides a sense of power or well-being in one's self. When answered, there can thereby develop the alternative-seeking process through the critical question: Is this the only way to achieve that goal? Meaning: Is the homosexual encounter the only way of achieving that goal? This is the way out of this neurosis-bent behavior. I mean by neurosis as the state or habit of doing the same thing in view of the same end. Getting out of this neurotic cycle requires self-awareness and self-acceptance.

Having a supportive group to listen and not judge one's sharing can be therapeutic because everyone is in the journey of learning more about ourselves and finding better ways of being and achieving our well-being. The presence and awareness of a loving God can already be the first boost. We all know that we have been given freedom to choose our ways of being. I believe that God's will is that we learn to choose only those ways of being that strengthen us and not disempower us from being someone beloved. Kung ang gawang bading or to be plain about it: If homosexual encounters keep us from realizing our full value of being loved, other ways are available for the one who so wants to make a change for the better. This becomes particularly heroic when the choice out of homosexual encounters is due to one's love for Christ and the desire to really live one's Christian or Catholic faith. It's a long and arduous process, but the reward is just great: Discovering who we are as beloved, discovering more about what we can yet do as strengthened by our faith and the Christian Spirit. This can be a very humbling experience. But I always keep this line Jesus said in the Gospel of St. John: The truth will set you free.

May God bless you in your pursuit of holiness and integrity. Take care.


Thank you, Fr. Collera, for your clear and deep insights about SSA. This can be a great help to all of us who continuously seek ways to address our issues in light of Christ's teachings. God bless you in your ministry.

The Life Coach Is Here!

You've probably seen him on TV. He is the resident psychologist of the hit reality show Pinoy Big Brother. In this exclusive Courage article, "Doc Randy" shares his experience in handling cases pertaining to SSA and his approach in dealing with their issues.

Who is Doc Randy?

Randy Misael Sebastian Dellosa, M.D., Psy.D. is a Filipino life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, wellness physician, and psychiatrist all rolled into one with over 25 years of experience in counseling and psychotherapy. He helps people heal from their physical, emotional, mental, relational, and spiritual problems and assists them in attaining their fullest human potential and spiritual growth. He is popularly known as the "celebrity shrink" and is sought-after as a consultant for reality TV shows and resource person for talk shows.

To find out more about Doc Randy, visit his website at www.randydellosa.com.


Hi _______!

Thanks for your email. I am always impressed by people like you who pursue healing, wholeness, and growth in their personal lives. It is also inspiring for me to know that you don't only help yourself, but have a blog that aims to encourage and support others as well. I hope that you keep up your good work!

In my practice as a psychotherapist, I receive clients with all types of problems. I estimate that around 10-15% of those who consult me (both male and female, young and old) do so due to homosexual issues. Some want to quit their homosexuality, others don’t, but nevertheless, the stories they tell me are commonly infused with feelings of frustration, alienation, anger, despair, angst, and helplessness.

More than a decade ago, because I had already been receiving a number of clients with SSA issues, I decided to equip myself by studying various therapeutic approaches aimed at helping people extinguish, diminish, or at least manage their homosexual struggles. I remember studying material by Leanne Payne, Michael Saia, Frank Worthen, and even Joseph Nicolosi. As part of my psychotherapeutic training and exposure, I was even able to visit a Christian organization in Reichelsheim, Germany- the Reichenberg Fellowship- which published materials on Biblical Counseling for Homosexuals.

Regarding Nicolosi's Reparative Therapy, I believe that it can certainly be a helpful approach for people with SSA issues. As much as I remember though, Nicolosi focuses on the failure of the father-son relationship and ambivalence in the mother-son relationship. These themes however, may be true for some homosexuals but not for all. Reparative Therapy therefore
is applicable only to the subgroup of homosexuals for which those themes apply.

These days, after many years of counseling people, I like to keep therapy simple yet meaningful, holistic, insightful, and practical. In my sessions, I work with themes that are relevant to most people, whether they have SSA issues or not. The themes include- healing from one’s childhood wounds; loving one’s self; befriending one’s ‘shadow’ nature; practicing forgiveness and gratitude; creating authentic and harmonious relationships; choosing to be joyful; living in the here and now; nurturing one’s personal spirituality; and finding purpose and meaning in life.

By focusing on positive themes, hope and inspiration grows. Focusing on positive themes also extinguishes the homosexual neurosis, characterized by an obsession with or constant rumination over homosexual struggles, gender identity, and sensuality. I discovered that even if I do not directly work on SSA issues, these themes naturally and spontaneously
start people on a journey of self-discovery, personal growth, emotional healing, and spiritual maturity. Of course, depending on the situation or on my client’s wishes, I can also choose to focus directly on SSA issues or other matters deemed important by the client.

Well, _______, this is all for now. I don’t always have the luxury of time to write lengthy pieces. Thanks for reading what I have to share and I wish you well on your journey of becoming the person God wants you to be.

God bless you, your family, and your ministry,

Randy


Thank you, Doc Randy, for finding time to write this article for Courage and for giving us a refreshing insight into your holistic approach in treating people with SSA. God bless you too in your sincere and wholehearted dedication to your work.