Weekly News (Fourth Week of May)

1. Papal Visit to Cyprus Will Be a "Huge Event"

NICOSIA, Cyprus, MAY 27, 2010 (Zenit.org).- Benedict XVI's upcoming June 4-6 visit to Cyprus is anticipated by Catholics as a "huge event," said a priest of that country. [Read More]

2. CBCP Declares Our Lady of Guadalupe Church a National Shrine

MANILA, May 28, 2010— The Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) has designated the Archdiocesan Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe a national shrine, the seventh in Manila. [Read More]

3. 'Lost' Ends with Catholic Twist

Madrid, Spain, May 27, 2010 / 08:05 pm (CNA/EWTN News).- Spanish daily, La Razon, published an analysis following the finale of the television series, “Lost,” which told the story of survivors of an airline crash on a mysterious island. The newspaper remarked that the series, which captivated millions of viewers for seven years, ended with a Catholic storyline. [Read More]

4. Democrats’ War Funding Amendment Would Allow Homosexuals to Serve in Military

(CNSNews.com) – Democrats in the both the House and Senate are trying to amend the 2011 war funding bill to allow gays, lesbians, and bisexuals to serve in the military, a move opposed by the heads of all four branches of the armed services. [Read More]

5. FRC Report: Homosexual Assaults in Military ‘Disproportionately High’

Homosexuals in the military are about three times more likely to commit sexual assaults than heterosexuals [Full Story]

6. Cardinal: Equating Marriage and Homosexuality in Schools is 'Harmful to Children'

QUEBEC CITY, May 27, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) – “Currently, in Canada there is no real equality of rights because children, in the mother’s womb, are not at all protected: not at all,” said Quebec City Cardinal Marc Ouellet at the May 15 Congress of Campaign Life Quebec. “We are one of the rare countries in the world, in the whole world, where children in the maternal womb have no protection at all.” [Read More]

7. Conservative Media Fiddle While the Military Burns

Barney Frank and his friends are rolling their tanks through Congress while everyone is talking about something else. As we reel from one crisis to the next, homosexual activists and their allies are muscling through their agenda, with nary a peep from the nation's conservative talking heads. [Read More]

8. Moscow Refuses Permit to "Gay Pride" Parade Organizers

MOSCOW, May 25, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) - For the fifth year in a row, the government of the city of Moscow has defied the international homosexual lobby and has refused to issue a permit for a "gay pride" parade. [Read More]

9. Filipino D&P Partner Scrubs Statements Opposing Country’s Bishops from Website

BANGKOK, Thailand, May 27, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) – A Thailand-based partner of the Canadian Catholic Organization for Development and Peace (D&P), recently exposed for its promotion of a “reproductive health” (RH) bill in the Philippines that has been opposed by the country’s bishops, has scrubbed its site of references to the bill. [Read More]

10. Apologetics for the Facebook Generation

Interview with Author Mary Eberstadt

By Carrie Gress

WASHINGTON, D.C., MAY 28, 2010 (Zenit.org).- Christianity has a lot more to offer the world than atheists give it credit for, says the author of "The Loser Letters." [Read More]

On Emotional Dependency

For men who experience same-sex attraction, their desire is often visually cued. Men can be tempted by same-sex desires by simply looking at the body of another man. Men who act out on their same-sex attraction often do so in anonymous encounters devoid of emotional connection. This is not unlike men who have never struggled with homosexuality. Men, by nature, are more visual and act-oriented when it comes to expressing their sexuality.

Women who experience same-sex attraction, on the other hand, often fall into lesbianism within the context of a relationship. These relationships can sometimes emulate a mother-daughter relationship where one woman is the care-giver to another woman. Often, lesbians are drawn to take care of needy women. They were programmed to do this with their mothers, and it is in this kind of emotionally dependent relationship where they find a sense of value and identity, and it is where they get their emotional needs met.

Emotional dependency can also be called “emotional idolatry.” Idolatry is when we worship something or someone that gives us (or promises to give us) all that we need. When a person is in an emotionally dependent relationship, he or she relies on another person to be his or her sole source of love, security, and identity. We see this happen in same-sex friendships (which often leads to a homosexual relationship) and in heterosexual friendships as well (where one person is more emotionally invested in the relationship than the other). It is important to differentiate between healthy interdependency and unhealthy emotional dependency.

Some signs of unhealthy dependency in same-sex or opposite-sex friendships are: viewing other people as a threat to the relationship, preferring to spend time alone with this friend and becoming frustrated when this doesn’t happen, becoming irrationally angry or depressed when the other withdraws slightly, losing interest in other friendships, experiencing romantic or sexual feelings leading to fantasy about this person, being unwilling to make short or long-term plans that do not include the other person.

Depending on another person is not necessarily idolatry, however. We are called to live in relationship with one another and to care for and provide for one another. However, to put all of our trust and expectation for provision and love and identity onto one person is unhealthy. The reason it is unhealthy is that no one can reasonably be the answer to our emotional and spiritual needs except God. Only God our Father can fill this role because only he has everything good and is everything good. All human beings fall short. Therefore, when we expect a person to be God for us, we will be sorely disappointed. Unlike friendship, marriage is intended to be exclusive and deeply intimate—a “one flesh” union where the two (a man and a woman) become one. However, even in marriage emotional dependency can occur. The reason so many marriages fail is that we often enter marriage with the expectation that our spouse will be perfect and meet all of our emotional needs. We can also put this expectation on our children. The result is that we end up suffocating and abusing the ones we love when they do not measure up to our expectations and meet all of our needs.

The only emotionally dependent relationship we can afford to have is with our Creator and Savior. Only he is worthy of our worship because only he can be the sole source of love, security, and identity that we desperately need. We were meant to worship someone and that someone is Jesus Christ. All others fall short. Understanding this gives us great freedom to have healthy relationships with other people.

When we go to God with our need and expect him to meet it, we lift a great burden off the people we love. We free them from having to save us when they do not have this ability. Ironically, however, we find something amazing happens. In freeing them from having to be everything for us, we often find that in that freedom they are empowered to love and care for us. In turn, we can love and care for them. When we let God “save” others (and us) we are free to love people without the burden and guilt of being God to them. So many homosexual relationships are short-lived because the need that a woman or man is trying to have met in a gay relationship can never be truly met. In a homosexual relationship, the man or woman is looking for affirmation from his or her father or mother and from the masculine or feminine world at large. This is a tall order and one that can never be met in another person. Men and women can also do this in heterosexual relationships where a woman tries to gain the affirmation she may not have adequately received from her father through her husband, for example, and a man can look to his wife to be his mother. In either case, disappointment and resentment is the inevitable result.


(Acknowledgment: International Healing Foundation)

Help, I'm Falling For My Classmate!

Carlos (not his real name) is a fellow journeyer. We came to know each other through an online support group and we continue to support each other at least through e-mails and texts. With his consent, I am publishing his story in the Courage Philippines blog in the hopes of reaching out to those who may be struggling with emotional dependency, which is a common struggle for people with SSA, along with some advice from Bro. Rollie as well.


Good day friends in Christ.

This is Carlos from the Philippines. I am 23 years of age and a member of this group for almost a year now but due to time constraints mainly due to school, I am not really active in the group.

Here’s my story. I have this friend in school whom I realized I am having emotional dependency with. We realized that we have so many things in common. We both listen to the same type of songs, we never had girlfriends, and we both love talking about profound things. In addition to this, we spend so much time together since we eat lunch together in school. There came to a point when I realized I got so attached to him. Worse, I realized I am falling for him. I sometimes even envy the people whom he is talking to. How selfish of me. I just see myself in him and I felt so comfortable being with him and I have no pretentions when I am with him. I have not told him about my SSA issues for fear that he might ignore me.

Since many people in this group may have experienced similar situations, can you please tell how you were able to overcome your ED issues? How must I approach him? I cannot avoid him since basically we are ‘stuck’ in school together.

I really want to get over this feeling. I realized that I am just hurting myself in the long run. I do not want to love him more than a friend. How do we develop genuine male friendships without any selfishness?

I realized that I may have developed this longing for male bonding since, as in most of us here had insufficient male attachment to our fathers. Moreover, I realized that I usually had female friends prior to meeting him.

You can email me personally at so as not to flood the groups: _____@yahoo.com

Thanks a lot and may God bless everyone in this group.


Carlos

-oOo-

Hi Carlos!

I received your story through Bro. _____'s initiative.

I am Rollie, currently the president of Courage Philippines. I am honored that you have entrusted to us your story. Rest assured that we will treasure it. Hope you won't mind if I share a few thoughts about your problem.

Emotional dependency runs in a relationship that is built EXCLUSIVELY between two persons. The amount of time we spend together strengthens our bond with the other, until such time that we are unable to see ourselves apart from the other. I do not want to sound too simplistic about it, but the key word to the healing of emotional dependency is NON-EXCLUSIVITY.

You don't have to avoid seeing the other person, you just have to try your best to spend time and develop your other friendships - even with your family. Meet his other male friends, or reach out to other male friends yourself. And that would mean really being there with the whole totality of you in every relationship that you are developing - and not just physically being there in family gatherings or group fellowships but your mind and heart is wandering about how your "friend" is doing at that specific time. Easier said than done for some, especially if the bond has really become strong. But it is not impossible - it takes a matter of time and effort and a heart of realizations that emotional dependency is actually relational idolatry - when we replace another person in God's place.

You may also have to develop more your relationship with God IN SOLITUDE, who would help you in weaning from your dependent relationship and start to fully grow as a mature Christian. See that if we are entangled with another person in relational idolatry, we stop pursuing our dreams and our growth as a human person (apart from that person). We do not see our worth apart from him or her. And that is the goal of Jesus - as we come closer to Him, He will make us realize the profound mystery of our being and existence, and the magnificent plan that He has for each one of us! When we are silent, God speaks to us!

You may explore the possibility of belonging to a community of Christians - who will help you come closer to Jesus, and who will help you develop intimate male friendships (which SSA male persons long for). Find one community in your parish and try to see how you may be able to join.

Since you are also in Manila, may I suggest that you also join us in our meetings in Courage, which happens every Sunday afternoon. Please feel free to contact me at 09285066974 and I would be glad to assist you in attending the meetings.

Read more about emotional dependency from certain articles in our blog.

God bless and hope to hear from you soon!

+ Rollie

-oOo-

Pro-Life Seminar for Teens

Forwarded e-mail from Pro-Life Philippines


We are inviting all teachers, educators, guidance counselors, parish workers, and pro-lifers to participate in Pro-Life Philippines’ Teen Sexuality Teaching and Counseling Seminar on May 27 to 29 at the Bahay Ugnayan inside the Good Shepherd Convent in Aurora Boulevard, Quezon City.

The training seminar aims to strengthen the ability of the participants to respond to the needs of today’s teenagers with respect to issues on human sexuality, marriage, family planning and population education, according to the teachings of the Catholic Church. This year, we include issues such as 'suicide and the emo culture’ and ‘pornography and media’.

Participants will be trained to implement the training modules on teen sexuality packaged in our manual entitled “LEARNING TO LIVE and LOVE” plus updated supplementary activity and reading materials. This manual has been endorsed by the Episcopal Commission on Catechesis and Catholic Education and the Commission on Family and Life of the Archdiocese of Manila.

For reservations or more information, please call Ellen at 733-7027 or 692-3794. Or, you may send us a telefax at 734-9425; a text through our mobile 0919-2337783; or an email at life@prolife.org.ph. Visit our website at www.prolife.org.ph. Seminar fee of P 1,200.00 covers three-days worth of handouts, meals, and certificate.

Weekly News (Third Week of May)

1. Holy Spirit Gives Church Authority to Evangelize, Pope Explains

Vatican City, May 21, 2010 / 10:30 am (CNA/EWTN News).- "The conversion of the world to Christ is not something we produce, but something given to us," the Holy Father told representatives of the Pontifical Mission Societies on Friday morning. Evangelization, he underscored, is reliant on the work of the Holy Spirit and needs missionaries "with their hands raised towards God." [Read More]

2. CBCP Assures Aquino of Critical Collaboration

MANILA, May 21, 2010—The Catholic hierarchy on Friday has assured a ‘critical collaboration’ with the administration of presumptive president-elect Benigno Aquino III. [Read More]

3. Star of ‘Bella’ To Host First Latino Pro-Life Congress

LOS ANGELES, May 21, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) – Eduardo Verástegui, Latin American superstar and the lead of the pro-life film “Bella,” is hosting the first ever Latino United for Life Family Congress this Sunday at the Los Angeles Convention Center. The Congress will raise funds for pro-life projects and will feature an assortment of pro-life entertainers, actors, and speakers throughout the day. [Read More]

4. New Study Shows Family Structure Influences Sexual Orientation of Women

Washington D.C., May 21, 2010 / 03:21 am (CNA).- Family Research Council released a new study on Thursday, detailing how women who grow up without their biological parents are more likely to engage in homosexual conduct as adults versus women who were raised with both a father and a mother. [Read More]

5. Tell Corporations: Stop Spending my Consumer Dollars on Promoting Homosexuality and Gender Confusion [Read More]

6. Portugal Legalizes Homosexual Marriage, Visiting Pope Condemns It

(NEW YORK - C-FAM) This week, the president of Portugal announced his decision to ratify a law allowing gay marriage in the small European country. The same-sex marriage bill first passed in the Portuguese parliament in January, but was subject to a presidential veto. The president's decision to sign the bill into law makes Portugal the sixth European country allowing same-sex couples to wed.

 [Read More]

7. Homosexual Activists Bullying CA Therapists

Political correctness could force some California psychologists and counselors out of business. [Read More]

8. Steve Jobs Says iPad Revolution Means ‘Freedom from Porn’

CUPERTINO, California, May 18, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) – Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computers, says his company will not be a party to the pornography industry and hopes that the iPad and iPhone revolution will help lead to a porn-free world. [Read More]

9. It’s an Ogreful Life

Movie Review: Shrek Forever After Celebrates Marriage, Family — and Bathroom Humor [Read More]

10. More on AIDS and Condoms

WASHINGTON, D.C., MAY 19, 2010 (Zenit.org).- Here are two questions on bioethics asked by ZENIT readers and answered by the fellows of the Culture of Life Foundation. [Read More]


Happy Pentecost Sunday!

Kamay ni Hesus Pilgrimage

Before we set ourselves to join the Pahiyas festivities, we visited first the Kamay ni Hesus Shrine, which is a jeepney ride away from our brother's home. There we were greeted with life-sized statues of saints and images of Our Lady. At the center of the shrine is the main church whether Fr. Joey Faller celebrates his healing masses every Wednesday and Saturday. People from all walks of life visit this shrine for physical and spiritual healing. It is not mere coincidence I guess that Kamay ni Hesus Shrine is located in the province of Quezon, which is a popular pilgrimage destination for such places as Mount Banahaw in Dolores, Quezon. Kamay ni Hesus Church is located at Barangay Tinamnan in Lucban, Quezon.

Located just beside the church is the majestic and imposing Via Dolorosa Grotto showcasing the 14 Stations of the Cross. On top of the 292-step grotto is the towering 50-foot statue of Christ, said to be the third largest statue of Christ in the world. (I don't know if this still holds true) It is a grueling climb to the top especially when the sun is at its peak, but nevertheless a good way to sweat it out because when you reach the top you are rewarded with the panoramic view of the province.

As you walk along the vicinity of the shrine, do not miss to visit the smaller grotto of Our Lady where life-sized statues of the 20 mysteries of the rosary are erected in close proximity to each other. There are also statues depicting Old Testament icons such as Adam & Eve, Moses, Abraham, etc.

To get the whole picture, do watch the slideshow below. If you are interested to visit the shrine, log on to Fr. Faller's website for more information or just follow these directions:

1. Take a bus route to Lucena at Kamuning Bus Terminal or LRT Buendia Bus Terminal.
2. At Lucena Grand Central Terminal take a passenger jeep route to Lucban.
3. Upon reaching Lucban, get off at Grotto.

Mary and The Last Judgment

The month of May will not be complete without a tribute to the Blessed Virgin Mary. For this year, I chose to dwell on Mary's role at the Last Judgment. All we know from biblical accounts is that on that day Christ will come in glory and will separate the sheep and the goats, an unappealable and definitive judgment. But will the Mother of God be sitting idly by? What is her part on this grand finale of human history? A private revelation to a visionary may give the answer to this intriguing question. As a faithful I don't oblige you to believe, but it's worth knowing nonetheless. This short excerpt was taken from the book Experience in Eternity and this scene is actually one of my favorites in the book because it gives hope to sinners, a role truly befitting the Blessed Virgin as Refuge of Sinners.

Intercession by the Virgin Mary and the Saints

Suddenly a great thunder rumbled from afar, a phalanx of evil spirits as thick as a red fog approached. The sinners were filled with fear and began to run, not knowing where, calling for help and in so doing, knocking each other down. From the opposite direction an enormous serpent appeared covered with luminous scales, lifting thousands of frightening heads. It represented the tenebrous forces of evil formed by sins in the dark regions of Hell. Shouting, howling wicked demons pushed the sinners against the eyes of the serpent who pierced them with spikes from its eyes. Fuming fire came forth from its throat as well as a horrible odor. Hence the eternal torment for those sinners of the earth.

At that instant, descended from above the unexpected salvation, virgins, beautiful and white, surrounded the Holy Virgin singing harmoniously:

"Thou art amongst us, O amiable Virgin of spiritual beauty and love. Glory and praise. Blessed are thou.

Embracing thine Infant Divine, we implore thee listen to their distress. By thy flowing tears at the foot of the Cross, we implore thee abandon them not O Divine Protectoress."

Her features were an unspeakable spiritual beauty never before known in time. This apparition filled the sinners with hope.

Then She approached Her Divine Son. Looking at Him mournfully, she said in Her soft voice, “Tell me, O Lord, where are those of whom I begged pardon?” “They are here,” Christ replied. The Angels called their names and the sinners opened their lips. Dumbfounded, they stretched out their arms towards Her. “And to you, who loved and implored my Mother for My Forgiveness I grant you pardon.” Scarcely had He concluded these words when the absolved sinners ascended to Heaven, forming a circle around the beautiful Mother of Christ. Following Her gesture before Her Divine Son, they thanked Him. The face of the Holy Protectoress was luminous and joyful as they ascended to the heights.

The great Prophet of Christianity came forth and inclining his head towards the Redeemer prayed thus: “O Lord, You know how much I condemned sin and vice during my life on earth. Now on this day of Final Judgment I plead pardon, through Your bountiful mercy, for those who have offended Thee. These sinners, who fear Thy Divine Justice, have made petitions and prayers, have honored me on earth and seek Thy pardon and clemency now.”

The trembling Prophet turned to Christ, who replied, “They diverted My Commandments without restraint and conscious of their sins they have appealed to thee to ask for salvation; nevertheless, through prayers, those sinners are pardoned.” Following this proclamation there was heard exuberant shouts of joy as the pardoned sinners ascended to Heaven. Then the great Saint fell on his knees pleading pardon to the Savior for the sinners who had never known Him yet lived just and good lives. And Christ said, “Yes, it will be for those of whom you plead. Meanwhile, for those who detested evil and performed good works, these I do not blame for not having the knowledge of Baptism, yet are the same with me, even though they were separated from the Christians. To each and all of you I concede pardon.” Then a great number of non-Christian souls who had lived in justice and goodness entered Heaven through the intercession of the great Saint.

And again, the vault of Heaven lit up with the image of the Virgin Mary, who was richly adorned, yet bowed with a look of sadness and stillness. “For what do you request now?” inquired the Son of God. She responded, “I have come again to plead for the children of those mothers who wept tears for their own offspring.” Again, huge numbers of saddened faces turned to joy as they were pardoned through their mothers’ prayers and mounted to Heaven.

Meanwhile, a luminous galaxy of Saints, male and female, surrounded Our Lord with delicate and beautiful countenances, one after another interceding for the sinners who had prayed to them, entrusting their souls to them while on earth. Each petition was considered and a greater multitude with jubilation and lightness mounted to the Eternal Kingdom.

The first chosen Apostles came forward before Christ to ask pardon for those sinners who had invoked them while on earth. And Christ said, “I do not refuse this grace to my first chosen ones.” Turning towards the sinners who had courageously followed the ancient customs and were devoted to their intercessors He said, “I also pardon you who have accepted the true faith.” After these words the ancients who believed and accepted the new religion rose up with jubilation and followed the twelve Apostles towards Heaven.

There in the clear blue sky remained our Lord Jesus Christ, radiant in an infinite light. When His Holy Mother appeared, She wept as She beheld the remaining sinners. She then addressed Her Divine Son with trembling lips. “Thou who are the Almighty forgive them all. They know Thou art just, and this Day of Judgment would be more beautiful if it were completely joyful. Remember the day of Thy Resurrection. You pardoned even those in the deepest regions of Hell. Thou judges with tenderness, but can these wicked rebels remain side by side with the good and just in Paradise?” The Virgin was silent, only her countenance pleaded mercy. She remained exceedingly quiet, yet pleading. And Her Divine Son gave in to His venerable Mother and pardoned the less evil amongst the rebels. He rose with His Mother beside Him, followed by an immense spiral of jubilant souls like the suave perfume of incense rising from the altar.

Weekly News (Second Week of May)

1. Pope Encourages Interior Watchfulness

Recalls Example of Blessed Francisco and Jacinta Marto

FATIMA, Portugal, MAY 13, 2010 (Zenit.org).- Benedict XVI is encouraging the faithful to cultivate an interior watchfulness so as to see God with the "eyes of the heart." [Read More]

2. Vatican: Pope Can’t Make It to UST’s Quadricentennial Anniversary

MANILA, May 13, 2010—The Supreme Pontiff is not attending the 400th
founding anniversary of the Philippines' only Pontifical and Royal University. [Read More]

3. Rosales to New Leaders: Address Corruption

MANILA, May 13, 2010— The head of the Manila’s Roman Catholic Church is asking the country's next president to address issues of “corruption” that worsened under the Arroyo administration. [Read More]

4. Pro-Obama Catholic Group Urges Cardinal O’Malley to Support Same-Sex Couple

Washington D.C., May 13, 2010 / 07:06 pm (CNA).- The pro-Obama group, “Catholics United,” has launched a campaign putting pressure on Boston Cardinal Sean O’Malley to allow the enrollment of a lesbian couple's adopted child in one of Boston's Catholic schools. [Read More]

5. Church of England Moves Towards Ordaining Women

London, England, May 11, 2010 / 03:08 am (CNA).- Over the weekend, the Church of England introduced draft legislation putting the country's Anglican communion on the fast track to allowing women's ordination. [Read More]

6. Ex-Gay Greg Quinlan of PFOX Challenges Pro-Gay PepsiCo Execs on Lack of Diversity [Read More]

7. Pope Declares Abortion and Same-Sex Marriage Most 'Insidious and Dangerous' Threats Facing the World

Pope Decries Abortion, Same-Sex Marriage at Fatima

Fatima - Pope Benedict XVI on Thursday called abortion and same-sex marriage some of the most "insidious and dangerous" threats facing the world today, asserting key church teachings as he tried to move beyond the clerical abuse scandal. [Read More]

8. Laura Bush: It's Good that Gay Marriage is Coming

LOS ANGELES, California, May 13, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) -- In an interview on Larry King Live this Tuesday, former first lady Laura Bush said that she disagreed with her husband regarding the legality of both gay "marriage" and abortion. [Read More]

9. Aging Sex Icon Raquel Welch: Contraceptives Shattered Marriage, the 'Cornerstone of Civilization'

May 12, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) - Once hailed as the female sex symbol Playboy deemed the "Most Desired Woman" of the 1970s, actress Raquel Welch has now taken a more critical look at the contraceptive revolution during which she shot to stardom. In a recent column for CNN, Welch rejoices in the experience of pregnancy, and laments the havoc that the free-sex ethos has wreaked on marriage and family life. [Read More]

10. Internet Pornography: Practical Means of Avoiding the Near Occasion of This Sin [Full Article]



Quote:

"There are things we fail to remember, not because we have short memories but because we are short of love. The person in love does not forget!" - St. Teresa of Avila

Homo-Emotional Wounds

This is an enlightening article from the IHF website. It's basically an SSA 101 crash course and I can personally attest that this is so true in my case.


In the father-son, mother-daughter relationship, a homo-emotional wound develops if the child perceives or experiences his or her same-sex parent as either cold, distant, absent, passive, abusive, or unavailable. This homo-emotional wound is a key factor in the development of what may later appear as same-sex attractions. In the heart of every man or woman who experiences same-sex desires is a sense of detachment from his or her same-sex parent. This may be on a very unconscious level, as the imprinting for this condition may have occurred in utero and in early infancy. Ninety percent of the brain develops by the time we are three years of age. Therefore, experiences of detachment, which occurred in the first years of life, are locked deep in the unconscious mind. That is why many homosexual individuals say, “As long as I can remember, I felt different.”

Drs. Moberly and Nicolosi found that the prehomosexual boy experienced a hurt or disappointment in his relationship with his father. To protect himself against future hurt, the boy developed a defensive attitude characterized by emotional distancing. Not only did he fail to identify with his father, but also, because of the hurt, he rejected his father and the masculinity he represents. You may read more about attachment disorders in the works of John Bowlby.

The father may have a difficult time relating to his son if he exhibited any kind of gender nonconforming behaviors, e.g., more feminine, more artistic, and nonathletic. The father may be preoccupied with his own problems and have no time for his son. The father may abdicate responsibility for parenting by having his wife raise the boy. He may have left the family, or he may be at home physically, but unavailable emotionally. The boy may then see his father as emotionally distant, perhaps verbally or physically abusive, and unavailable. In some cases, there is an emotional enmeshment between the two, whereby the father enrolls his son into a peer relationship, and the son loses his identity in order to care for his father’s needs.

By experiencing his father’s disapproval, disappointment, or distance, the son will withdraw from the relationship, feeling hurt and rejected. This leads to a deep sense of ambivalence toward the same-sex parent—“I need you, but you hurt and rejected me, so stay away, but come close and hold me, but it hurts too much.” Dr. Moberly calls this a defensive detachment reaction, and Dr. Welch calls it an attachment strain. The child defends himself from future wounding by putting up an imaginary shield around his heart and soul. He then detaches from his same-sex parent, rejecting his father.

This same-sex ambivalence causes feelings of love and hate to occur at the same time. He seeks bonding with a man, but underneath that need is an angry and hurt little boy. This is why homosexual relationships have a short life span. Furthermore, these ambivalent feelings toward men function as a lifelong block against full male identification.

This defensive detachment is generally an unconscious decision. The detachment also prevents him from internalizing his own sense of gender identity. He has cut off psychologically and emotionally from his father, his role model of masculinity. Hence, a Same-Sex Attachment Disorder is created in the child. This leads to alienation from the parent, self, and others, and a feeling of being “different.” When he rejects his primary source of masculine identification, he is essentially rejecting his own core gender identity.

On a very deep psychic level, the son feels rejected by his father. This may originate from a deep source within the child—a heritable predisposition for being rejected, or an intrauterine experience of feeling unwanted—not necessarily by the parent’s actions or words. (I will explain about intrauterine influences under “Other Factors” below.) Counselor David Seamands said, “Children are the best tape recorders but the worst interpreters.”

The boy, from ages one and a half to three, has an added developmental task girls do not have. He must separate and individuate from his mother, and then be initiated into the world of the masculine by his father or another significant male role model. The girl, even though she, too, must separate and individuate in this stage of development, will continue to identify with her mother, her primary role model of femininity. Three things may rob a boy of his masculine role model and his new source of strength: 1) the mother continues to cling to her son, 2) the father is unavailable or abdicates responsibility to the mother, or 3) the son perceives rejection from the father. This is a critical time for the son to bond with his father or other men.

It states in My Little Golden Book About GOD, “God is the love of our mother’s kiss, and the warm, strong hug of our daddy’s arms.” Pictured are both Father and Mother holding their children warmly. Parents are God’s representatives for children. When children detach from either Mr. or Mrs. God, they are distancing themselves from their role models of gender identification. Therefore, a defensive detachment from father or mother may lead to a defensive detachment toward God.

That is why later on, when the adult tries repeatedly to rid himself of the same-sex desire, it will not go away. This is because the origin of the desire is one of reparation, to make good on past deficits, the need for bonding with the same-sex parent, which did not occur sufficiently in the earliest years of life.

Michael Saia, in his book, Counselling the Homosexual, speaks of a five-phase model that leads to the development of a Same-Sex Attachment Disorder:


First: The child feels or perceives rejection from the same-sex parent.

Second: The child rejects the same-sex parent.

Third: The child rejects his gender identity, saying unconsciously, “If men are that way, then I don’t want to be like them.”

Fourth: The child rejects himself because he is the same gender of the parent he just rejected. Again, he unconsciously says, “If Daddy is not good, and he is a man, then I am not good, because I am a boy.”

Fifth: The child then rejects others of the same gender, as a defensive reaction of self-protection against further wounding.


During puberty, the unmet homo-emotional needs are experienced as homosexual feelings. The individual may then spend a lifetime trying to fulfill those unmet needs for attachment through sexual relationships.

Of course, the defensive detachment may occur with the opposite-sex parent. This is why so many marriages break up and so many men and women seek opposite-sex partners but find it very difficult to commit to a truly intimate relationship. The defensive detachment toward the opposite-sex parent lodges deep in their hearts. They are experiencing an Opposite-Sex Attachment Disorder (OSAD). Until the individual extracts the wounds, defensive behaviors continue to plague adult attempts at intimacy.

Chris’s father was authoritative and punitive. Chris was sensitive and perceived his father’s strictness as personal rejection. Because of this, Chris continued to seek refuge in the safety of his mother’s world, identifying more with her and his sister than with his dad and brothers. This attitude spilled over into his school-age years. Chris was always the teacher’s pet, doing great in academics, yet socially inept in relating to the other boys. In his adult life, Chris fantasized about being sexually intimate with the men he admired. His need for his father’s love and approval had translated itself into sexual desires after puberty. Today, Chris is becoming more authentic as a man among men, speaking more openly with his dad, and learning to befriend other men as equals.

Another young man I counseled was Bob. When he entered therapy, he thought his relationship with his father was nearly perfect. It took quite a while to untangle this enmeshed affair, for his father had enrolled him into a peer relationship. Bob spent his life trying to compensate for his father’s wounds and weaknesses. His father had shared his problems and pain with him throughout his child-hood, adolescence, and early adulthood. His dad isolated himself from the world and had no close friends except his son. In response, Bob had learned to deny his feelings and needs, reinventing himself as his father’s savior, best friend, and confidant.

After Bob strengthened his sense of self-worth and developed firm boundaries, he began the process of successfully separating and individuating from his father. This was frightening for Bob. Each time he slipped back into being the good little boy and pleaser, same-sex attractions emerged. When he stood in his power and expressed himself in a healthy, positive, and assertive manner, he experienced a newfound masculinity. When he thoughtlessly acquiesced to his father and other authority figures, his same-sex fantasies blossomed. Again, the Same-Sex Attachment Disorder is a symptom, a defensive response to past and present conflicts.

Bob worked to heal his relationship with his father. He now expresses himself as an adult, rather than a good little boy. He let go of expecting his father to change and is making the necessary changes in his life to mature into his God-given masculine identity.

I have counseled several men whose fathers were in the military or government. Because of their service to the country, they were often away for extended periods of time. This left their sons feelings abandoned and alone. Other men had fathers who were physically present, yet emotionally absent. As much as they tried to win their fathers’ love, their dads remained distant and unavailable. Another group of men had fathers who were workaholics. Their fathers were never home enough to become seriously involved in their sons’ lives. Others had fathers who were alcoholics, drug addicts, sports addicts, and/or rageaholics. They experienced the war of their fathers’ mood swings, never knowing when Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde would show up. They had to be on guard 100 percent of the time.

What Is True Femininity?

After last week's post on true masculinity, we are about to examine what true femininity is in order to get a balanced view of human sexuality. What does it take to be truly feminine? Read on.

"WHAT IS TRUE FEMININITY?"

I. A WOMAN WHO IS FULFILLING HER GOD-GIVEN ROLE IN LIFE IS SOURCE OF GREAT SPIRITUAL STRENGTH TO A MAN.

A. She is the most beautiful creature on earth to him.
B. Not only is she a crown of joy to her husband, but also to others with whom she comes in contact.
C. Scriptures:

1. Prov. 12:4 — "A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband...”
2. Prov. 18:22— "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord."
3. Prov. 19:14— “House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the Lord."
4. Prov. 11:16— "A gracious woman retaineth honor...”

II. CONVERSELY, A WOMAN WHO REJECTS GOD AND DENIES HER ROLE CAN ALSO BE A PAINFUL THORN IN THE MAN'S FLESH— A HINDRANCE, A DISCOURAGEMENT AND A CONTINUAL GRIEF TO HIM.

A. A woman who is hard and manish is not an asset to herself or to her husband.
B. Scriptures:

1. Prov. 12:4 — "...she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones."
2. Prov. 11:22— "As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion."
3. Prov. 19:13— "...the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping."
4. Prov. 21:9 — "It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house."

C. Few things can bring greater heartache to a man than a brawling, nagging, bickering wife — who is ungrateful and forever criticizing him.

III. WHY ARE SO MANY WOMEN NOT FEMININE?

A. This is Satan's world, and he does not want women to be feminine. He does not want them to know their role or to fulfill it.

1. Poor training at home because of lack of right knowledge of what is feminine.
2. Influence of society.
3. Women's lib (Mr. Armstrong says that this started back in the Garden of Eden with Eve!).
4. So-called "equal rights."
5. Peer pressure and associates at school, work, neighbors, family; influence of those around her.
6. The media: TV, movies, magazines newspapers billboard ads, books, etc.

B. If a woman is a victim of the above circumstances (and all are), she has to recognize the source and realize that she has the power, with the help of God, to change her life. She must not use other people or circumstances as an excuse.

IV. TRUE FEMININITY IS A FINE ART.

A. True femininity is first and foremost an attitude of mind.
B. It is how a woman thinks about herself and even more importantly, how she relates to men. It is a uniqueness that makes her lovely and beautiful to her male counterpart.
C. A truly feminine woman wants to be a woman — she does not desire to compete with a man in his role.
D. She tries to underline those qualities that make her distinctly different rather than trying to be like him.
E. She understands that God knows what is best for women because He created them.

1. God made her physically weaker than the man with softer skin, delicate muscle tone and a higher voice.
2. God made her different emotionally from men. She cries more easily and is generally more spontaneous in expressing joy and love.

F. Because the feminine woman knows that she was created to be man's support and helpmeet, she is happy with this knowledge. The qualities that make her feminine are reflected in her whole personality.

1. She thinks femininely, seeing everything from a womanly point of view.
2. The feminine woman capitalizes on and underlines the physical things that make her unique and attractive.
3. Because she enjoys being a woman and fulfilling that role, her physical softness and beauty come through in everything she does.
4. Because she is physically weaker (and is not ashamed of it), her movements and mannerisms are more delicate and gentle.
5. Because her voice was not designed to shout down a whole room full of people, it is higher, softer, and has a soothing quality.

V. THERE ARE THREE BASIC AREAS THAT COMPRISE FEMININITY.

A. A woman's relationship with God.

1. A feminine woman will recognize God's sovereignty— being obedient to & responsive to His will.
2. She will study the Bible for examples of true femininity — the lives of Sarah, Ruth, Hannah, Mary (Christ's mother) and others.

B. How a woman feels about herself.

1. If a woman has a right attitude, confidence and self-respect about herself and her role, she will be feminine.
2. If she has guilt feelings or deep-seated hang-ups about herself, she will have inner conflicts and frustrations.
3. She will know that she's falling short of God's standards — thus making herself miserable.

C. A woman's relationship with others.

1. If a woman has a close relationship with God and accepts her role as He ordained it, then she will have right relationships with those around her.
2. God's Spirit will radiate from her with sincerity and genuine love.

VI. WHAT THEN, ARE THE SPECIFICS OF FEMININITY?

A. Characteristics:

1. True Conversion and the Fear of God

a. Prov. 31:30 — A virtuous woman fears God.
b. She is obedient and submissive to God.
c. Even in the face of trials, disappointment and persecution, she has uncompromising
character and upholds God's principles.

2. Strong Faith and Courage

a. Pressures and crises don't cause her to crumble. Circumstances such as a sick child, the loss of a job, a death in the family or a crisis in the Church do not shake her faith.
b. Knowing that all things work together for good to them that love God (Rom. 8:28), she has unshakeable trust in God.
c. She has cultivated and built inner strength into her life. She knows that God will give her the power to face all trials and obstacles if she remains true to Him.

3. Meekness and Humility

a. I Peter 3:1-6 — Meek and quiet spirit.
b. Because she is teachable and willing to change, she seeks out counsel and advice.
c. She doesn't mind being in the background as a helper and servant of others.

1. If she is single, she realizes that she must support herself financially, but she
chooses her 'career" wisely.
2. In choosing a job, she looks for one that is a support function, not one commanding 100 men at the head of the company. She doesn't strive for supervision over others because she knows that this will not help her to achieve the attitude of true feminine humility and meekness that God wants her to have.

d. The feminine woman does not debate, argue or insist on her way. (Contentiousness is condemned five times in the book of Proverbs: Prov. 19:13; 21:9,19; 25:24; & 27:15.)

4. Submission and Service

a. The feminine wife recognizes her role as being submissive to her husband and responsive to his needs and wishes.
b. The single woman, if she desires to be feminine, also will reflect this same basic awareness.

1. She will practice a submissive attitude toward her boss and the men she interfaces
with daily on her job.
2. Even though these men do not have the same kind of authority as a husband, she
realizes that she must respect them as leaders in society. She knows that God has
given men in general the leadership role.

c. A woman can learn submission and service (qualities that God wants all of mankind to learn) perhaps even more fully than a man because of the very nature of her support role that God has assigned.
d. A truly feminine woman will have an attitude of helping, serving and encouraging others in general.
e. By viewing her role as man's helper and companion, a woman is freed from the stresses and strains required of a man. This allows her to be even more full of zeal and energy and love for others.
f. There are so many opportunities for a woman to be of service and give to others. They can give her life purpose whether she be single or married.

1. Visiting the sick.
2. Volunteering to help the needy.
3. Keeping children for a friend who is sick.
4. Being involved with singles activities if she is single.

g. Preoccupation with self makes a woman dry, bland, uninteresting and dull.
h. The feminine woman will demonstrate maturity because she has grown out of
self-centeredness, giddiness and selfishness.

5. Feminine Values and Goals

a. High on the list of priorities for the feminine woman is the goal of being the best wife, mother and homemaker possible.
b. The single girl should be interested in and eager to learn these womanly duties.
c. Developing her talents and skills are important to her:

1. Academically, she keeps up with world events, and can understand the concepts in
the light of prophecy and the Bible.
2. She is interested in cooking, nutrition, health, sewing, needlecrafts, decorating,
reading, the arts, etc.

6. Self-control and Emotional Stability

a. The feminine woman doesn't overreact to failure, disappointment, frustration, irritation or any number of unpleasant situations that may arise. Other negative attitudes she will guard against are: depression, moodiness, poutiness, hurt feelings and inferiority.
b. She overcomes child-like outbursts of temper and sets the proper example for her
children — especially her daughters.

1. Her children admire her and depend on her.
2. Prov. 31:28— "Her children arise up, and call her blessed..."
c. Because she has her emotions under control, the feminine woman is able to handle
unpleasant circumstances calmly and intelligently.

7. Trust and Responsibility

a. Prov. 31:11-12 — Her husband safely trusts her.
b. Reliability and dependability are strong points of a feminine woman's character.
c. Whether she is married or single, punctuality is a part of her life because she schedules her time wisely.
d. She is true to her word and keeps her promises and commitments.
e. Loyalty is one of her strengths and her husband or employer can count on her to be
productive and trustworthy.
f. Confidences are treated as such and her friends know that they can trust her.

8. Wisdom and Understanding

a. Prov. 31:26— "She openeth her mouth with wisdom.”
b. Even though she may have a strong opinion, the feminine woman knows when to
express it and when to pass over a matter.
c. Impulsiveness is not part of her character — she thinks before she acts.
d. She doesn't monopolize conversation or interrupt when others are speaking.
e. She doesn't blatantly tell everyone she meets about her personal problems.
f. Exercising caution, she thinks a matter through until she can see the end result.
g. She isn't naive — she doesn't leave the gate and doors unlocked, shades up at night, or let salesmen in, etc.
h. When there is conflict or misunderstanding, she is tactful and acts quickly to make peace.

9. Intelligent and Discriminating

a. Having a clear set of priorities helps her to discriminate between essentials and
non-essentials.
b. Her mind is alert and discerning because her ideals and values are based on the Bible.
c. She learns from experience and association with other people.
d. She chooses friends who are balanced and level-headed, rather than those who will
commiserate and be overly sympathetic.
e. Keeping abreast of news and current events helps her to be informed.
f. She knows how to converse intelligently on many different subjects because she keeps her mind alert and stimulated by reading widely.

10. Diligent and Resourceful

a. Prov. 31:13-22 — She is able to negotiate business and earn extra money.
b. Femininity is not being utterly helpless. The feminine woman is prepared. She can
change a flat tire, light the pilot light on the stove, and make minor repairs in case of an emergency.
c. Finances are not a mystery to her. She knows how to pay the bills and balance the
checkbook.
d. She is a wise shopper — compares prices, doesn't buy on impulse, and stays within her budget.
e. Imagination and inventiveness are part of her creative abilities.
f. If she is an employee, she is diligent even when the boss is not present. She does not do only that which is required — she goes above and beyond. She strives to please her employer and tries to make his business successful.

11. Initiative, Leadership and Drive

a. She recognizes opportunities to serve and make herself useful.
b. Motivating and encouraging others are some of her strongest qualities.
c. Spontaneity and love for people are expressed in her desire to see them happy and successful.
d. Having a genuine interest in the welfare of others, she doesn't serve to impress.
e. She is aware of her example at all times.
f. New challenges are stimulating and exciting.
g. She can lead, but not in a manish way. Her style of leadership is not one of
competitiveness or abrasiveness, but one of inspiration and encouragement.
h. She is responsible and capable without being hard and demanding.

12. Modesty and Virtue

a. She not only practices modesty in her personal life, she also actively teaches her
daughters the value of this beautiful feminine trait.
b. She is careful of her posture and bodily movements: sitting, standing, walking, stooping, as well as the look in her eyes and tone in her voice. She steers clear of any action that is sexually arousing or would lead others to think she is morally impure. (I Thes. 5:22 — "Abstain from all-appearance of evil.")
c. Avoiding emphasis on self and vanity, she dresses out of concern for her husband,
daughters and others.
d. She avoids seductive attire — plunging necklines, short skirts, bare midriff, bikinis, heavy make-up, etc.
e. Her conversation is always proper and appropriate without vulgarity or lewd insinuations.

13. Balance and Moderation

a. Excess is a sin. This applies to eating, sleeping, recreation, music, etc. The feminine woman is balanced in every aspect of life and avoids going to extremes.
b. She doesn't neglect her responsibilities or engage in activities that serve no useful end.
c. Self-discipline is an integral part of her basic character.

14. Kindness and Patience

a. Prov. 31:26— "...in her tongue is the law of kindness."
b. Understanding of and tolerance toward others are expressed in how she handles their short-comings.
c. She is quick to overlook mistakes and forgive, and think the best about them.
d. The feminine woman expresses empathy and concern toward those with problems in an
encouraging way.
e. She's especially gentle, kind and sympathetic toward the sick and infirmed.

15. Poise and Self-Confidence

a. This self-assuredness comes from good breeding, proper teaching, observation and
experience.
b. It comes from living a clean and wholesome life — and walking with God.
c. Inner poise is the absence of self-consciousness and shyness.
d. It's a characteristic any woman can develop if she sets her mind to it.

16. Culture and Refinement

a. Prov. 11:16,22— "A gracious woman retaineth honor.”
b. Proper etiquette and social graces are important values in her make up. She knows how to meet and converse with people at all strata of society.
c. She keeps her living environment clean, organized and tidy.
d. The feminine woman is up-to-date. She keeps abreast of current fashions, trends,
decorating techniques, etc.
e. She has a good vocabulary she knows how to communicate and intelligently express
her ideas.
f. She appreciates quality both in terms of material things and the arts.

17. Attractive Personality

a. Her pleasing smile and soft-spoken manner display an inner charm and grace. She is known and admired for her gentle ways — not for boisterousness, coarseness and competition.
b. Innocence, naturalness and friendship are reflected in her face.
c. She is cheerful and positive in her basic disposition toward life.
d. She displays a good sense of humor in the way she laughs with people and not at them.

18. Grooming and Appearance

a. High standards of personal cleanliness and grooming are important to her and are
reflected in her clothing and appearance.
b. Avoiding extremes, her hairstyle is becoming, but not exotic.
c. She wears clothes that are in good taste, becoming to her personality and dresses
appropriately for whatever activity she is engaged in.
d. She doesn't dress to call attention to herself or out of vanity.
e. Realizing that outward beauty isn't everything, she knows she can enhance her inner beauty and attractiveness by developing her character and femininity.

19. Calmness and Inner Peace

a. This attitude is the result of growing and overcoming — following a lifestyle that she believes is pleasing to God.
b. She sparkles with warmth and spontaneity.
c. Her mind is full of God's Word, good thoughts and positive attitudes.
d. She doesn't engage in any form of activity that is filthy, debasing or worldly.
e. She radiates a magnetism and charisma that is distinctly Godly and glorious — but
not gushy, sentimental or overly religious.

B. SUMMARY

The truly feminine woman will have her mind on others rather than on herself. She will be aware of their needs and be concerned for their well-being. She is outgoing, warm, and considerate. She'll radiate joy because she is content with the role that God has given her and because she knows that giving and serving are what bring lasting joy and happiness. She will have a quiet confidence and serenity because she is fulfilling the role that God intended her to perform. In short, she thoroughly enjoys being a woman!

VII. THE QUALITIES OF FEMININITY FROM A MAN'S POINT OF VIEW.

A. The qualities that inspire him personally:

1. A lifestyle that reflects the fear of God and a deeply converted attitude.

a. Keep God first in your life and be aglow with the Holy Spirit.
b. Set a right example in all that you do.
c. Realize that being a Christian is something that you practice every minute of every day — not just when you feel like it or on the Sabbath.
d. Strive to overcome and grow daily.
e. When you fear God, the whole of your life will radiate an innocence, naturalness, and simplicity — qualities that men highly admire.

2. An attitude of respect, appreciation and submission toward the man's God-given role.

a. Always remember that God made man the head and placed him in the leadership position.
b. Respect his office. Don't antagonize him by being belligerent, defiant or competitive.
c. God better equipped man to handle the leadership role. Willingly submit and reverence his calling.
d. Being submissive doesn't make you an inferior person. You enhance your own status
when you submit to and uphold him.

3. A gracious, warm and humble demeanor.

a. The ability to entertain and put others at ease.
b. Be friendly and charitable.
c. Esteem others better than yourself.
d. Don't be haughty and cynical.
e. Show sincere concern for others.

4. A supportive and responsive spirit.

a. Be encouraging.
b. Support from behind the scenes. Don't try to steal the spotlight by calling attention to yourself. Rejoice in his successes and don't take credit for yourself.
c. Respond to his wishes with cooperation and eagerness.
d. Show excitement toward his interests and plans.

5. The ability to encourage and uplift him when he's down and defeated.

a. Express faith in God and keep a positive attitude that all things will work out.
b. Help him to see the brighter side.
c. Be sympathetic and concerned, but don't get down yourself.
d. Let him know that you're on his side, that you have faith in his abilities and that he can always depend on you.

6. A caring and serving attitude toward others regardless of their status in life.

a. If you don't have this attitude — work to attain it. Remember that every person is a potential member of God's family and should be treated with equal love.
b. Look beyond status or position and serve anyone in need.
c. God put everyone in His Church as it has pleased Him. Therefore, don't be a respecter of persons.
d. A man is impressed with the woman who demonstrates a heartfelt love for others.

7. The ability to inspire him with confidence and ambition by reinforcing his potential strengths and achievements.

a. Let him know that you admire him and that with persistent effort he will succeed.
b. Recognize that you have the ability to make or break his spirit. Don't nag, criticize or complain.
c. Be encouraging — try to keep him in a positive frame of mind. Remind him that God has never let him down, nor will He in the future.
d. Talk often about the Bible and engage him in spiritual conversation — yet recognize that he's your spiritual leader.

8. The ability to listen, communicate and adapt to needs.

a. Be an interested listener. Show a willingness to cooperate and make his decisions work.
b. Communicate your feelings and ideas to him.
c. Be a good sounding board and offer a variety of solutions.
d. Actively participate in all his plans, hopes and dreams.

9. A genuine interest in his goals and career.

a. Show an interest in his job. Even if it's in a very technical field, you can at least learn a few basics.
b. Be hospitable to those he works with.
c. Let him know that you're behind him in whatever Godly and acceptable career he chooses.
d. Be patient and sympathetic toward his trials and frustrations on the job.
e. Give him the incentive to want to improve.

10. The ability to entreat him with positive love and honor when he's wrong.

a. Pray for humility and a right attitude before approaching him about a problem.
b. Wait for the right moment when he's in a pleasant mood.
c. Describe the problem in a quiet, respectful tone of voice.
d. Remember that God put him as the head, and holds him responsible. If he does not
agree with you, leave it in God's hands.

11. An attitude of teachableness and repentance when corrected without self-justification.

a. Apologize and don't be defensive or make excuses.
b. Be willing to learn and change.

12. A fervent desire to please God and help her family make the Kingdom.

a. To be the kind of example that will evoke in your husband and children an awareness of God and His holy righteous standards.
b. Your whole life and being should be a constant representation of the characteristics of Prov. 31.
c. You should strive to be a source of inspiration and hope to your entire household.
d. Your life and conduct should depict the glory and honor as reflected in the bride of Christ.

B. Make attaining true femininity a constant, daily goal.


(Acknowledgment: Mr. Rice's Notebook)

Weekly News (Second Week of May)

1. Prelates Urge Filipinos to Vote in Conscience

Nation to Elect President on Monday

TANDAG, Philippines, MAY 6, 2010 (Zenit.org).- The president of the Philippine episcopal conference is urging voters to follow their consciences when they head to the booths next week, and to be patient with the nation's first use of an electronic voting system. [Read More]

2. Prelate to Comelec: ‘Choose Heroism Not Compromise!’

MANILA, May 7, 2010—Lingayen-Dagupan Archbishop Socrates Villegas called on election officials to do a heroic mission of achieving a clean, honest, accurate, meaningful and credible election on May 10. [Read More]

3. Asian 'Gendercide' Migrates to North America

OTTAWA — In some parts of North America, it’s a big deal; in others, just a dirty little secret.

Gendercide is the clever term newly coined by The Economist for the abortion over the years of between 80 million and 100 million more female unborn babies than males in Asia. [Read More]

4. Celibacy Source of Grace, Not Abuse, Says Head of Belgian Church

Rome, Italy, May 7, 2010 / 07:05 pm (CNA/EWTN News).- Speaking about the current climate within the Catholic Church of Belgium to the Vatican’s L’Osservatore Romano newspaper, Archbishop Andre-Mutien Joseph Leonard highlighted the importance of formation for the priesthood. Celibacy, he underlined, is not the cause of sexual abuses and greater focus needs to be put on priestly formation to avoid future tragedy. [Read More]

5. Shroud of Turin Supports Resurrection, Expert Affirms

Rome, Italy, May 7, 2010 / 03:57 pm (CNA/Europa Press).- Professor Paolo Di Lazzaro, who is head of a group of researchers from the National Agency for New Technologies, Energy and Development in Italy, noted this week that the latest discoveries on the Shroud of Turin “are not in contradiction with the theory of the Resurrection” of Christ. [Read More]

6. Brazilian Supreme Court Approves Homosexual Adoption

BRASILIA, Brazil, May 7, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) - The Brazilian Supreme Federal Tribunal, the nation's highest court, has approved the adoption of two children by the lesbian sex partner of the woman who had originally adopted them, according to local and international news reports. [Read More]

7. More Internet Domains = More Porn

An attorney with the Alliance Defense Fund (ADF) is encouraging people to weigh in as the period for public comment on the proposed triple-x Internet domain ends Monday. [Read More]

8. Cameron’s U.K. Conservatives Promise to Consider Gay ‘Marriage’ in Equalities Manifesto

LONDON, May 5, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) – On Monday, just three days before the election, the U.K. Conservatives announced that under their leadership, the government would 'consider' changing the law to allow gay civil partnerships to be called marriages. Meanwhile, more British Tory supporters are warning conservative Brits not to cast their vote for David Cameron’s party in the general election tomorrow. [Read More]

9. Another UK Street Preacher Arrested, Charged, for Views on Homosexuality

WORKINGTON, UK, May 3, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) – Another street preacher in the U.K. has been arrested simply for proclaiming Christian teachings about the sinfulness of homosexual behavior. Dale Mcalpine says he was handing out leaflets in the Cumbrian town of Workington on April 20, when he was approached by passers-by and a police community support officer (PCSO) who identified himself as a homosexual. [Read More]

10. Hormonal Birth Control Pill Reduces Women’s Sexual Function: Study

May 7, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) – At the same time as the hormonal birth control pill turns 50, researchers have found a link between it and sexual dysfunction in the women who take it. In a German study, 32 per cent of over 1000 women surveyed who took the pill, were found to have some form of sexual dysfunction. [Read More]

11. Mother’s Day With Mary [Full Story]


Happy Mother's Day!

Fighting Cultural Manliness

I love this short blog entry from the True Manhood website. Maybe it is high time to re-examine the essence of authentic biblical masculinity vis-a-vis what the culture is trying to portray.


Society makes suggestions to us, either directly or indirectly, about what’s manly and what’s not. Typically, society paints a picture that “cultural manliness” stems from all or part of the following: POWER, MONEY, SEX and STUFF. Society calls a man who possesses these things a “real man”. Separately, and in the right context, these attributes are wonderful, and add nicely to life. When used out of context, they can become disastrous. If a male possesses one (or more) of these attributes, than he automatically racks up points on an invisible ‘man scale’. A given amount of points on the cultural manliness scale doesn’t necessarily gain a guy anything, and it’s not like he can cash those points in for anything tangible. Nor is this something that guys sit around and discuss, it just sort of “is”. It comes from movies and music, TV and the internet. It’s the machismo mindset. However, because of the picture that is painted, a man with lots of points is (for whatever reason) elevated to a higher level than a regular Joe. As this happens, men being elevated and esteemed for what they possess and/or what they have done, other men desire to emulate these “real men” and therefore, “get what he has and do what he’s done.” Other men begin to shoot for power, money, sex and stuff, instead of what really determines what manliness is.

What is real manliness? Or, in our case, true manhood? If real manliness isn’t power, money, sex and stuff, what is it? Where can we find out? What can we do to become really manly? Well, we’re given lots of great examples throughout history of what NOT to do and what’s NOT really manly. Where do we go to find good examples? I’d like to point to a few perfect examples of what manliness is using three Biblical characters.

1. After a storied youth, this man fell away from God and screwed up royally. He engaged in sins of the flesh which led to men dying and problems for others around him. However, instead of remaining lazy and indifferent, he heeded the words of his dear friend and decided to better himself and devoted his life to serving, honoring and praising God. He became faithful, prayerful and humble. He set an example of great virtue for others to see. He, like us, sinned – but repented, asking for forgiveness and continue to grow in holiness.

2. This man was wronged at an early age. After spending many years in confinement for crimes he hadn’t committed, he rose in the ranks and eventually became the king’s trusted advisor. Instead of taking vengeance on the men who wronged him, he chose love, honor and service. This man was a humble and faithful servant to God, never losing his foundation of prayer, trust and faith. An incredible witness of how to work through hardships.

3. This man was given, quite possibly, the hardest task a human father could be given. He was asked to take on a role that no other father had ever been asked to do, but he readily accepted and because he was a virtuous man, he succeeded in this difficult task. Because he trusted God (and His messenger), this man remained faithful and obedient. Due to his successful job-well-done, all men have a perfect example of what it means to be a chaste husband, a loving father and a hard worker.

What is True Manhood? From these three examples, we see a theme: These three men were virtuous. Their virtue (especially their theological virtue of faith) allowed them to persevere and to continue to serve God.

The idea of cultural manliness is that, as you accumulate more wealth, as you sleep with more women, as you buy more stuff and as your power “ranking” goes up, the more manly you are. Cultural manliness never takes into account your virtue, your faith, your relationship with God and/or others, how you treat your wife, children, family, friends, strangers, etc. Cultural manliness is a facade, a lie, a demeaning and empty way of living. The glamour of being a “culturally manly” man will wear off in time. How many people will a culturally manly man hurt along the way?

I call this cultural manliness for a reason, a simple reason. The culture is expressing the thought that everyone, man or woman, is in this world on their own, free to make up their own truth, free to generate their own spirituality from within. A man simply goes after what he wants, and his list of wants comes from what gives him pleasure. Seeking pleasure is what drives his actions and pleasure is often the only motive behind actions.

The Biblical characters described above are, in order: King David, Joseph of the Old Testament and St. Joseph, Patron Saint of Fathers and Workers.

What Is True Masculinity?

Two Sundays ago we had a talk on True Masculinity and True Femininity and for this week it's all about masculinity. This lecture provides additional inputs to that teaching in a concise and structured manner summarizing and highlighting all the relevant points of the discussion in numbers and bullets.

"WHAT IS TRUE MASCULINITY?"

I. THE STRENGTH, LIFE AND HEALTH OF THE CHURCH DEPENDS LARGELY ON HOW WE AS MEN FULFILL OUR ROLES AS SPIRITUAL LEADERS.

A. The success of our homes and marriages depends greatly on the quality of our spiritual lives.
B. God has assigned and delegated to us a profound and sobering responsibility.
C. If we fail in our roles as spiritual leaders, our families will suffer and so will the character of the Church.

II. AS WE SHALL PROVE, GOD CREATED MAN FIRST AND MADE HIM TO BE THE HEAD— TO BE THE AGGRESSOR.

A. Under God's rule, he has been made responsible.
B. Whether or not he succeeds, depends on how well he discharges his calling and duty.
C. NOTE: When a marriage crumbles, first and foremost God holds the man accountable.

III. THE PURPOSE OF THIS LECTURE IS TO DEFINE THE MEANING OF TRUE MASCULINITY.

A. To describe the role that God intended for man to play.
B. To outline the job, calling and duties of a "real masculine leader."
C. To disclose the awesome responsibility God envisioned for man when He created Adam.

IV. LET US FIRST LOOK AT OUR TRAGIC, MIXED-UP WORLD TODAY.

A. Newspapers, magazines, TV & the movies picture men as henpecked dolts, dominated and ruled over by women.
B. They are weak in moral, mental and physical character.
C. By abdicating their roles, they have forced women into unnatural leadership positions, producing frustration, resentment and shame.

V. THIS SAD STATE OF AFFAIRS WAS PROPHESIED CENTURIES AGO.

A. Isa. 3:1-3 — "For behold, the Lord...doth take away...the mighty man, and the man of war, the judge...the captain of fifty, and the honorable man...."
1. The marginal reference for 'the honorable man' renders this phrase as a man eminent in countenance.
2. This phrase indicates that there would be a lack of men commanding respect (Soncino).
3. This has occurred today.

B. Isa. 3:4-5,12 — "As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them.”
1. These verses again show men to be unqualified for true leadership or rule.
2. They are as unqualified as children to rule, and are effeminate like women. (JFB.)
3. The fact that children can exalt themselves illustrates the appalling lack of true masculine leadership.

C. Isa. 3 :16-17 — "Moreover the Lord saith, Because the daughters of Zion are haughty, and walk with stretched forth necks and wanton eyes...Therefore the Lord will smite with a scab the crown of the head of the daughters of Zion.”
1. These verses depict the state of mind of modern-day women.
2. Have they not become this way because men have relinquished their roles as leaders — a point so clearly emphasized throughout this chapter?

VI. CLEARLY, IN TODAY'S WORLD THE MAJORITY OF MEN HAVE LOST THEIR SPIRITUAL FIBER AND COURAGE AND HAVE TAKEN ON THE SOFT, WEAK AND EFFEMINATE CHARACTERISTICS OF WOMEN.

How vital it is that men in God's Church recapture the value and meaning of true masculinity.

VII. MODERN-DAY MISCONCEPTIONS OF MASCULINITY.

A. Before discussing the characteristics of a true masculine leader, let's examine some false ideas
and notions commonly held today.

B. What real masculinity is not:
1. A swaggering, super-confident macho type, like "The Fonz" on Happy Days.
2. A Schwarzenegger physique.
3. A strong and tough hero like Tarzan, Baretta, James Bond or Superman.
4. A suave, sophisticated playboy and modern-day swinger.
5. A crude and coarse pot-bellied drinker who swears and uses vulgar language.
6. The loud, boisterous, braggart who's forever extolling his virtues and advertising himself.
7. One who is arrogant and fiercely competitive and feels that he must win at all costs.
8. The know-it-all who enjoys intimidating others.
9. The man who's power hungry and who likes to control and order people around.
10. One who lays down the law and domineers, and rules his wife and children with an iron hand.

C. In general, the type who is selfish, arrogant and vain and who likes to impress others with his knowledge, exploits and skills.

VIII. A PROFILE OF TRUE MASCULINITY.

A. True masculinity is playing the role that God intended.

1. Man was physically designed and created to be the head and leader.
a. He has broad shoulders, strong muscles, a sturdy build and is heavier.
b. He is generally taller than the woman so that she has to look up to him.
c. He is virile, rugged and robust, and was designed for action and hard work — to be the protector and provider.
d. He has a deeper voice.
e. He has coarse and hairy skin.

2. God gave him a masculine mentality to match his physical frame.

a. He likes a challenge.
b. He's a planner with daring, aggressive and bold ambitions.
c. He's a deep thinker who likes to tackle and conquer problems.
d. He enjoys rough and rugged activities that test his agility and strength.
e. In short, he is equipped both mentally and physically to be the dominate figure and to lead the woman.

3. In contrast, the woman was designed both physically and mentally to assist the man.

a. She has a softer, more fragile and delicate body.
b. She is smaller in stature and is aptly described as the weaker vessel (I Peter 3:7).
c. Her natural interests (unless perverted) center around her home, family and general domestic duties.
d. She was created to be the man's helpmate and companion.
e. Since she was made from man, God instilled in her heart a desire to assist and please him.

4. Thus, the male was created, both physically and mentally, to lead the woman and be her head.
a. Gen. 2:18,21-24— "The woman was made for man."
b. I Cor. 11:3,8-9 — "Husband is head of the wife."

B. The general characteristics of a masculine leader.

1. Is God-fearing and deeply converted.
a. His supreme desire is to walk with God and keep Him at the center of his life.
b. As he grows in God's likeness, the natural qualities of true masculinity will emerge.
c. As he prays and studies, he will become more cognizant of his role and God-given responsibilities.
d. The negative traits of fear, shyness and inferiority will disappear.
e. Daily he should take on the masculine attributes of his elder Brother, Jesus Christ.
f. II Cor. 3:18— "But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord."

2. Has inner strength, character and stability.
a. He is unshakeable, unmoveable and deeply grounded in the truth.
b. He will not compromise his principles, yield to temptation, or break under pressure.
c. When trials beset him, he trusts God to the end.
d. This type of leader is respected by all and is known far and wide.

3. Is self-assured and confident.
a. This kind of confidence comes from faith in God and from a track record of experience and success.
b. It's a distinct manly trait that carries with it an air of authority.
c. Such a man knows where he's going and what he wants out of life.
d. The opposite sex feels secure in the presence of a man with this brand of confidence.

4. Has purpose, drive and initiative.
a. He has mapped out his life and has established clear-cut goals — he knows where he's headed.
b. With tenacity and vigor, he pushes himself to overcome all obstacles.
c. He does not allow himself to become discouraged, distracted or defeated — "can't" and "impossible" are not a part of his normal vocabulary.
d. His total outlook is positive and upbeat and you sense that you're in the presence of a "winner" — a man with a destiny.

5. Is intelligent and decisive.
a. He has learned how to concentrate and use his mind to its fullest capacity.
b. He cuts through trivia and gets down to essentials — he doesn't procrastinate.
c. This kind of leader tackles a problem head-on and doesn't succumb to frustration and despair.
d. He is alert to opportunity and new doors God may open.
e. He's not afraid to step out in faith and take a calculated risk.
f. The ability to stand up under pressure and make life and death decisions is a distinct masculine trait.

6. Practices self-control.
a. He disciplines his body, controls his time and dictates to circumstances.
b. He is tough on himself and has his life totally in hand.
c. Self-discipline is a hallmark.
d. "No" is one of his most powerful command words.
e. He has a clear set of priorities and puts first things first.

7. Is emotionally mature .
a. He controls his temper, disciplines his moods and monitors his overall attitude.
b. He can roll with the punches and bounce back from defeat.
c. This type of leader doesn't need the constant reassurance, acceptance or recognition of people.
d. He can receive criticism without it destroying him.
e. He doesn't whine, feel sorry for himself or seek the sympathy of others when his
purposes have been thwarted.
f. You will rarely hear him complain about his aches and pains or general health.

8. Is law abiding, conscientious and responsible.
a. He doesn't try to outsmart the IRS or rip off his neighbor in a business deal.
b. He is upright, sincere and always tells the truth.
c. He is dependable — his word is his bond.
d. Being a responsible citizen, he promptly submits to the laws of the land and pays his bills on time.
e. In all areas of human relations, he fears God and reflects sterling character.

9. Uses common sense and good judgment.
a. He possesses an inner sense of knowing when to speak and how to act in almost every situation.
b. Has an ability to size up a problem and cut through to the answer.
c. He is big-minded, thinks long range and is able to grasp the best course of action when making decisions.
d. Has developed a sense of insight, wisdom and sound-mindedness.
e. This is particularly true in the area of human relations — tactful, diplomatic and understanding.

10. Takes charge when necessary.
a. This does not mean he is to usurp another's authority.
b. It does mean he is to have presence of mind in a difficult situation when an appointed leader is not present.
c. He feels a sense of responsibility guided by God's Spirit to uphold the proper standards.
d. He keeps his cool and doesn't fold in a crisis situation.
e. In dating he always takes the lead and demonstrates by his confident manner that he's a protector and a haven of trust.

11. Maintains vigor, vitality and good health.
a. Keeps physically fit.
b. He watches his diet — avoids overeating and resists junk foods.
c. He has a regular program of exercise and gets sufficient sleep.
d. Knowing that stress destroys good health and peace of mind, he strives to maintain a positive mental attitude.
e. Masculinity does not mean developing big muscles, but it does involve maintaining good health.

12. Demonstrates self-respect.
a. Godly self-esteem is a trademark of true masculinity.
b. A leader must have it if he's to win the respect of others.
c. Self-respect is a product of living a clean and wholesome life.
d. It's a mature and inner confidence that comes from integrity and a clear conscience.
e. He displays an air of control and authority over his life and will have little trouble mastering any situation he may encounter.
f. Thus, others will look up to him and will place credence in his character.

IX. A WOMAN'S VIEW OF TRUE MASCULINITY.

A. What makes a man "masculine" to a woman?
B. What is it that makes him a leader and a "real" man?
C. What does her nature cry out for from him?
D. Listed below are some of the qualities that women look for and desire in their male counterparts.

1. A woman was created to want and need a leader.
a. First and foremost she wants him to be deeply converted.
b. To put God first and remind her to do likewise.
c. She wants him to be the head — to know his role and accept it.
d. To take charge because he knows he's innately responsible for her welfare.
e. The masculine leader then is one she can trust, respect and look up to.
f. When he relinquishes his position as head, he causes her to become independent and
aggressive — a role that buries her femininity and makes her miserable.

2. She wants a man that can control her.
a. A woman cannot respect a man that she can dominate and wrap around her little finger.
b. Nor does she respect the man who tries to win her over by groveling at her feet and meekly following her lead.
c. A woman will push until she finds her boundaries.
d. The reason: She wants to know whether she can feel safe and secure with him.
e. She admires a man who will say, "O. K. Lady, that's as far as you go. "
f. A woman will take control and lead if the man doesn't, but be frustrated and unfeminine in doing it.

3. She wants a man who's sensitive to her feelings. (attention guys!)
a. She wants him to realize that she's more delicate and fragile than he and tires more easily.
b. That she's more emotional and can be crushed by harsh correction.
c. That she needs encouragement, appreciation and tender understanding.
d. To be aware that she's given her whole life as his helpmate and needs his reassurance and acceptance.
e. To realize her pressures are just as real and difficult to bear as his, and therefore he should be patient, loving and kind.

4. She finds certain physical qualities masculine.
a. She wants him to look like a man.
b. His hair should not be too long — a borderline haircut shows a borderline attitude.
c. His pants should not fit too tightly, nor his shirt be half unbuttoned.
d. He should have straight shoulders, a straight back, and be physically fit.
e. His voice should be lower and stronger.
f. His body movements should be distinctly masculine — not prissy, delicate or dainty.
g. He should be careful of hygiene, body odor and personal appearance.

5. She wants him to be tough and rugged.
a. A fragile, weak man is unappealing.
b. She is repulsed by tender hands, manicured fingernails and a frail body.
c. The kind of man she loves doesn't mind getting grease on his hands or splinters in his fingers.
d. He can play the role of a mechanic, carpenter, handyman, etc.
e. He doesn't shy away from hard work or difficult tasks — but tackles them head-on with confidence and gusto.
f. He's not to be cruel and abusive, but to be master over his life and circumstances.
g. Strength — physical, mental and spiritual — should characterize his total personality.

6. She admires a man with confidence and inner strength.
a. A woman cannot respect a man who whines, moans and complains about his bad breaks in life.
b. He should carry himself as a man with pride — a confidence based on God, not on vanity or ego.
c. He's a kind of man who walks with authority and purpose.
d. He's aggressive and forceful, yet gentle and willing to listen.
e. In a woman's eyes, inner strength is a major ingredient of masculinity.

7. She wants him to be responsible and protective of her.
a. To look after her safety and welfare.
b. To do little things to let her know he cares — opens the door for her, keeps her car in good repair, does the chores without being asked.
c. He gives counsel and guidance in helping her to make right decisions.
d. To take the lead in handling such problems as bill collectors, door-to-door salesman, and serious conflicts with the children.
e. This type of man is a real gentleman and shows his love and affection in a thousand little ways.
f. NOTE: In a dating situation, a God-fearing man will never try to seduce a woman or
cause her to engage in a wrestling match to fight him off. When he gets too physical,
her respect for him plummets.

8. She wants him to lead her toward God's Kingdom.
a. To be a tower of strength she can lean on and example she can follow.
b. She wants him to correct her in love and to encourage her to develop her full potential.
c. She needs his support in her role as wife and mother.
d. She wants him to keep her in line and not let her frustrations get out of control.
e. The kind of man she greatly respects is one who radiates the qualities of God's Spirit, even though she may have no romantic interest in him whatsoever.
f. In the final analysis, God holds the husband responsible for the spiritual character of his home.

X. A BRIEF DESCRIPTION FROM A WOMAN.
"To be a man is a role. It is a position given by God. 'The head of every man is Christ; and the head of every woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God' (I Cor. 11:3). This position is given by God for a purpose and a function. When a man fills this role, he becomes masculine. The more completely he fills this role, the more masculine qualities he'll develop. If he allows a woman to dominate him (or if he is the type who would), he loses his masculinity.

"'Your desire shall be to your husband, and he shall rule over you' (Gen. 3:16). A woman looks for this leadership; it's the key to what she finds masculine. All the traits, qualities, and definitions of true masculinity create within her a desire to respond, to be led, to be the helpmate God designed her to be.”

XI. FINALLY, IT BEHOOVES US AS MEN IN GOD'S CHURCH TO REASSERT OURSELVES AS GOD-FEARING LEADERS.

A. To get back to the faith once delivered.
B. To recapture the great role and purpose that God intended for man to play from the beginning.
C. To launch on a personal campaign of deep study and prayer in a renewed quest for manhood and leadership.

XII. WHAT, THEN, IS TRUE MASCULINITY?
A. It is taking on the life, nature and character of God and Jesus Christ.
B. Let's re-dedicate our lives to this end.
C. Let's become "real" men!

-END-

Acknowledgment: Mr. Rice's Notebook