Thursday, December 15, 2011

Why Do People Stay In The Closet?

To those of you who wonder why some people don't want to 'come out' of the closet, please read this guest post from Bro. A.

You don’t want to be in the position of a famous actor these days. After his ex-girlfriend made a monster hit of a tell-all on TV, telling the whole world everything except ‘out’ the guy, he has since been subjected to a humiliation by the public through heartless video exposes, parody involving Hitler, and the most vicious comments. If homosexuality is caused by such public embarrassment in the first place, then it’s easy to imagine how the actor is reliving his childhood trauma right now. No amount of his money can comfort him, with the fame and celebrity image he carefully built now more of a curse. If he doesn’t know how to counteract with positive thinking the steady assault of mindless, merciless public judgment, he would want to evaporate right now wherever he is, one can only imagine.

Whether the accusation against the actor of being closeted is true or not, the fact is there are a number of men who would rather suffer quietly than ‘come out’ or admit in public that they are gay or keeping the secret of homosexuality. I’ve interviewed a number of people and here are their answers to the question.

"I want to shield my family from shame and spare my old and ailing parents in particular from the horror of knowing how much they have contributed to it." – Roger, investment house employee

"Why should I come out? I already came out to myself! I have no moral obligation to explain myself to the world. I do not feel compelled at all to do so." – Dennis, dentist

"I don't want to expose myself and others, especially the fact that I was sexually molested by an older boy when I was four or even younger, and was raised by an angry, alcoholic, and verbally violent father and a temperamental, overbearing grandmother. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I am not ready about the possibility of people talking about these terrible, dark secrets of mine. I don't think I ever will be ready." - Jun, computer shop owner

"I am afraid to be humiliated, made fun of with dares and unfair jokes about whether I want to wear makeup and skirts (I certainly don’t!), and worst of all, the most hateful of all, be offered a boyfriend and propositioned with sex (I never had any nor I ever intend to!) How I love to slap their faces!" – John, salesman

"I won’t be understood, so why bother?" – Jon-jon, call center agent

"I am scared of being thought of as having a crush on all them men. I don’t. I do not get easily attracted, not even when muscular guys get naked in front of me. I am attracted only to a particular type. Muscular, athletic types and old men are actually a turnoff to me, but who will ever believe me, right?" – Jeffrey, computer programmer

"I dread the mere thought of the endless explanation I needed to make for something that is so complicated, and the high chances of not being understood in the end." - Darwin, PR man

"So what? So they’d make fun of me? I’d rather that they made fun of me behind my back. I won’t be able to stand being bullied all over again. – Daniel, journalist

I don’t want to be called gay or homosexual. To be a man, to be accepted as a man – that’s what I want." – Ryan, student

"Because I can’t consider myself wholly gay or homosexual. I’ve changed a lot after many years of counseling and therapy. Looking back, I shouldn’t even have called myself that because I kept an attraction to the opposite sex all along. I was just more preoccupied with my same-sex attraction problem, wishing it to go away in an instant because I wanted to marry my girlfriend." - Vincent, doctor (now married)


Just some personal comments on that popular actor mentioned in the intro. I don't have to mention his name here because if you are a Filipino chances are you know by now who is being referred to. Bro. A is right. No guy would ever want to trade places with what this actor is going through right now - not even with all the fame, money, and success that he enjoys. I can only imagine the emotional pain amidst this controversy. Actually he is not a stranger to this as he has been through with similar situations before only that this time the attacks have become more ferocious with all the technology that we have right now like the social media. He is being bullied and dragged 'out of the closet' so to speak by those same people you would see on gay pride parades decrying homophobia and intolerance and perhaps some of those lobbying in the congress to pass the anti-discrimination bill. So much for the gay agenda!

I have read many mean and nasty comments and saw malicious photos that insinuate that the actor is gay. It makes me wonder why some people derive wicked satisfaction in smearing other's reputation. It may sound to you as if I'm defending this actor. I do not know him personally but even so I just want to point out that what these people are doing to him is so uncharitable to say the least. Why is his personal life such a big deal to us? So what if he broke up with his girlfriend? Whether he is struggling with SSA or not is not your or my business. Can we spare this good man with this so much nonsense? This actor is a good person and a God-fearing fellow, and quite frankly he doesn't deserve all the bad press he is getting now. I especially detest those rumors and bad jokes being spread online. It's so despicable because it's so below the belt and just plain unfair. These are offenses against the eighth commandment of God which forbids us to bear false witness against our neighbor.

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