Thursday, January 7, 2010
Kenta's Journey with Courage
This is my personal journey with Courage. I am the present webmaster of the Courage Philippines blog and there is no need for further introduction. Oh by the way, that picture above is not me and he does not have SSA for sure. He is Kouichi Kusakari, one of my favorite super sentai heroes a.k.a. Black Mask.
I began my journey with Courage during the latter half of 2006 after I read an issue of Kerygma Magazine on gays. That was the time I discovered that support groups for people with SSA exist. I was kind of hesitant to join a support group, but I realized I can never make this on my own and I needed others to support me on this journey. And so here I am, more than three years now in the community.
My journey so far has been a fruitful one. I have learned a lot and I have gained many friends who are with me in this journey all this time, through my ups and downs, trials and disappointments, and personal victories.
A lot has changed with me. I now understand myself better in terms of my SSA struggle. The community is a constant source of encouragement and spiritual upliftment in my faith walk with the Lord and I am particularly grateful to the guidance and direction of our spiritual director, Fr. Dan, who is like a real father to all of us. I especially cherish the Sacrament Sundays because it is my personal date with Him and a great opportunity for me to be spiritually renewed amidst the weariness and drudgery of everyday life. I can never imagine how I would be able to survive without this vital source of strength – the community life – lived each and every month through the reception of the sacraments and community prayer.
My journey in 2009 has been a very memorable one because in that year I was able to put up the Courage blog (couragephilippines.blogspot.com) and February 2010 will be the first anniversary of our community blog. The blog establishes our presence online and it is an effective medium where the message of hope and redemption is made known to the outside world most especially to people struggling with SSA. With each and every post, I have gained knowledge and wisdom of what homosexuality is all about although there is still much to learn and experience. I have learned not to make my SSA struggle define me as a person because my true identity is that of a child of God. I have become more aware of my personal issues and how to deal with them. Most importantly, I have come to know that there is no gay gene and that change is very much possible! What a lie the gay community has been telling us all along! And so I really try my best to keep the blog up and running for the many people out there seeking an alternative to the “alternative lifestyle”.
It is heartening to know that barely a year in existence, our blog has already had thousands of visitors mostly from the Philippines and the United States and some other parts of the world across six continents. I feel joyful that through the CP blog more and more people are being enlightened about the truth on homosexuality, and in fact we have members right now who have found their way to Courage through the blog. Praise God!
This is not an easy journey and I understand why others would rather stay where they are. I often compare my journey to the Israelites’ exodus in the Old Testament. There we can see that the journey out from a life of slavery (Egypt) to a life of bliss (Promised Land) is not a walk in the park but rather a walk in the desert, where you are constantly buffeted by harsh winds (discouragement) and threatened by wild beasts and the elements (temptations). At times I feel very much tempted to go back to Egypt, where everything is easy and familiar although I am a slave rather than to traverse the unfamiliar path full of dangers and uncertainties. Many times I would feel like creating my own idols (sensuality) to worship as the Israelites did because personally I have never “fully enjoyed” the gay lifestyle. So much so that my personal experiences would pale in comparison to others who have really “been there and done that”. Then, I would find myself quoting St. Augustine’s prayer “Lord, make me chaste but not yet.” Apart from that great temptation, I do not think I would ever consent to other matters that define a homosexual lifestyle – gay marriage, gay rights, gay agenda, moral relativism, etc. I simply cannot approve of these things.
The journey towards growth and healing may take a very long time, but it is good to know that whatever the outcome may be I am safe, because I know in my heart that I am treading the right path. Healing is a lifetime journey, a gradual transformation that takes place along the road to recovery when one perseveres that path no matter how hard or difficult it may seem. Quoting the Scripture, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” This is the narrow way. This is the way of the cross, the only true way that will surely lead us to everlasting happiness and fulfillment.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” – Phil 4:13